I've been monitoring the stats of my blog, and I've noticed that 2 of my most highly viewed entries have been those in which I discussed the time I went in for a routine women's wellness exam 6 months ago and found out I had a lump in my breast.
On the chance that those entries have been viewed so many times because women are seeking insights into their own personal circumstances, I've decided to give an update on this mass (which I have ever so affectionately named "Clementine", because it seems to be about the same size as a Clementine Cutie tangerine!)
As a recap, when the lump was first felt by my OB/GYN, she seemed stoic and said it felt like a cyst. Nonetheless, she sent me in immediately for a diagnostic ultrasound at a local center that specializes in breast abnormalities. Given that I was only 28 and felt perfectly healthy, it came as an absolute shock to know that a foreign body growing within me. This could NOT be happening, not to me! But there I was, sitting in the waiting room a couple days later, seeing middle-aged women coming and going, some crying, some cheerful, some light-hearted and happy and well-versed with the process, others clearly scared completely out of their minds. Even still, I thought I was emotionally under control for the procedure having had 3 or 4 days to research and poke and prod and come to my own mental conclusions, all up until they spread the lubricant on my breast and began pressing down with the wand. That's when it became overwhelmingly real, and I lost it. Tears streamed down my cheeks as the radiologist seemed to take all eternity to measure and analyze the mass. I'll never forget the chilling realization I made as I laid on that table; that the answer was not leaping out at the doctor, that he was having to use his brain and his experience to see just what the hell this mass was. It didn't scream, "CANCER!" to him, but it didn't scream cyst, either. The doctor tried to explain to me what he *thought* it was. He mumbo-jumbo'd some jargon or something to me, but he might as well have been speaking in Sanskrit because I couldn't hear anything he was saying. My mind was so preoccupied with hearing the word Cancer or Benign that I literally could not process anything else coming out of his mouth. When he looked into my eyes and saw them filled with tears, I think he understood. He stopped what he was saying and said, "I think you're fine. This type of tumor would be benign." It took me a couple days to get my wits about me and call back for my official preliminary diagnosis: a Hamartoma of the Breast.
I nonetheless scheduled a 6-month follow-up diagnostic ultrasound, and the ensuing 6 months were composed of 3 months of denial and 3 solid months of religiously examining my breasts after each period for signs of change, as instructed. I noticed the mass would get incredibly large just before my period - so large, in fact, that I could visibly see one breast fuller than the other. Otherwise, it returned to it's "normal size".
So when I went in to have my follow up 3 days ago, I went in with cautious confidence. I was comfortable with thinking this was, in fact, just a benign hamartoma. After all, the substance of the mass did truly feel like all the tissue around it, which may be why it was never detected before, but I can't say for certain. So there I was on that damned table again, hot lube all over me, but this time I had a calm, judicious thinking cap on. Unlike the last exam where I stared at a wall and sobbed for the duration of the exam, this time I watched with genuine curiosity. My doctor showed me everything on the monitor, showed me colorful density maps and compared them to surrounding normal tissue to show that the mass was indeed composed of normal tissue, but that it was encapsulated.
The above is not a picture of my ultrasound, but it looks similar. The top of the photo, with sort of wavy lumps, looks kind of like my mass, except that on the image to the right, where you see the dashed line at the top between two letters (A and A), mine is so long that it goes beyond the boarders of the screen. It is also about twice as thick as the image seen on the left of the screen between the two letters B and B. But it looks exactly the same as the tissue surrounding it, with a thin, clearly defined encapsulation around it. The straight line at the base of the image is a rib, with pectoral muscle just above it.
The problem was, it has grown in size since I was last checked. By 4/10ths of a centimenter or something or other. My doctor didn't seem overwhelmingly alarmed. He advised me just to wait another 6 months for another scan. He told me he sees these things all the time, and with ultrasound technology the way it has evolved, he can guarantee the reading with 98% accuracy.
But what about those remaining 2% odds?
Doc said he had no problem ordering a biopsy, it's quick and super simple and it would certainly tell us for certain what is going on. But there was a downside to that, which I'm not sure what it was -- perhaps it was that even the minor invasivity of a biopsy could create scar tissue or some such thing. I will seek counsel from my OB/GYN and primary physician on their opinions, but I believe I will go forward with a biopsy, if anything other than to chronicle it as an experience that I can describe for fellow readers out there who happen upon my blog searching for advice or stories.
So, that's it for the update this time. I will check in on this topic once I have a chance to speak to my physicians.
In other news, I am SO PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE that I am back on track with my progress and have achieved the same stats I had prior to leaving the country for a month! And I am fully on track to achieve more progress by year's end, and am thinking of running another half marathon on New Year's Day, and then push to lean out as much as possible and then book a professional progress photo shoot to celebrate my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY on January 30th of next year!!
Many exciting things to be grateful for in my life, yes siree :) <3
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