Weeks 10, 11 and 12: A Super Long Update...plus, the dreaded... PROGRESS PHOTOS :/

So, I finally passed the "Week 11" threshold.  Oh, glorious week 11... it was at the 11th week that I started to see progress in 2012, and I am officially seeing a lot of progress now! I'm having to tighten my bikini bottoms, clothes that didn't fit do now... I'm feeling amazing!  I'll detail these items below with my first release of PROGRESS PHOTOS!

UPDATE ON THE GENERAL PROCESS:
I am finding it increasingly difficult to check in on a weekly basis to blog, though I have so many thoughts, ideas, and tidbits I want to document in my transformation.

My work schedule has been chaotic -- I've been logging 10+ hour days at the office for the past 5 weeks.  Nonetheless, I have stuck to my workout plan.  Some days have been extremely hard to muster up the energy to produce a quality workout.  In those times, I draw upon my favorite motivational YouTube video (link: CLICK HERE) and my list of reasons why I am on this journey (which I will post later).  It's a funny thing -- when you want something SO badly, it's hard to imagine you'll ever find yourself in a place so difficult, exhausting, or otherwise seemingly impossible, that you lose your focus and begin to think that how you are feeling now (negatively) is not worth the toll your goals demand.  Several times last week I felt myself wanting to just quit for a couple days.  My body and my mind were drained, and there was one point (Thursday of last week, as I recall so clearly) where I remember sitting in the employee kitchen eating my pre-workout meal thinking to myself, "What am I doing?? I need to go home and sleep.  This workout is impossible."  Normally, I probably would have listened to that intuitive voice.  But I had scheduled an extra rest day last week for Friday, and decided to tough it out on Thursday.

As the funny meme suggests, rarely does one ever regret a workout.  Thursday reeeeally pushed my limits on believing there are no exceptions to this meme.  Even after toughing out as hard of a workout as I could (which, I'll admit, I still cut some corners and simply couldn't pull myself together enough to produce a strong cardio segment), I wondered if I hadn't actually done more harm than good by not giving my body the rest it craved.


Strangely, though, the next day I felt flush full of energy and, after getting dismissed early from work, decided I had the time and strength to do a regular workout.  Go figure.

The boy and I.  Sadness! :*(

One other wrench thrown into my life plan a couple weeks ago was that my boyfriend and I broke up.  I won't get into the details, but suffice it to say the event translated into some SERIOUS workouts in the gym.  I just ran and lifted my way out of sorrow, and I'm feeling great for it.  The break-up also means I have full control over my time and diet now, which means I can focus more on my goals and getting to where I want to be.  It hurts, and its sad, but the beauty about having a passion and a project to work on, is that you stay distracted and focused on what you love; the positive. I used to be an emotional eater, but through the course of diet and training (particularly back in 2012), I re-trained my mind to console myself with other feel-good things that didn't involve food, which also helped me cope throughout the past couple weeks and stay on track.  Shopping, splurging on a massage, taking long contemplative bike rides or walks.... sometimes even just going to a local park and people-watching has had healing powers over me.  But mostly, keeping myself busy -- working on those projects that I've let build up, splurging on new gardening tools and planting something, etc -- has been, in a word, "EPIC" at healing a broken heart without the use of junk food or wallowing on the couch instead of getting up and staying on track. 

UPDATE ON WORKOUTS
One new thing I have added into my routine over the past 3 weeks is a circuit training day in place of my regular Back/Chest day.  I've been taking one of those platforms that people use for step aerobics and stacking it onto 5 or 6 risers and placing it in a secluded part of my gym.  Then I do 100 jumps with a jump rope, immediately kneel on the makeshift bench and crank out 8 reps of a 35-lb single arm row (8 reps for each arm), then go immediately lay down on the bench and do 10 reps of a 27.5lb dumbbell chest press (27.5lbs per dumbbell), and then go right into a 45 second plank on the floor.  I aim for 6 sets of this, and done quickly enough, it has an exhaustive cardio element to it.

I have decided that each month, I will replace one of my normal lifting routines with a circuit just to keep things varied. Next week I will start a circuit for biceps and triceps.  Just got to research and plan one out.

UPDATE ON NUTRITION
I had several weeks in a row of SUPER solid nutritional planning.  I didn't feel the desire to cheat, so I stuck to a very clean (very boring!) meal plan, because it seemed to work.  I had my regular unsweetened bran flakes w/ skim milk for breakfast, 3 poached boneless/skinless chicken tenderloins w/ 3 cups steamed spinach and 1/2 cup cooked plain barley for lunch, 1/2 cup of roasted pistachios with a Quest Bar for an afternoon snack, a banana & 3 tbsp natural peanut butter for pre-workout, and then 6 eggs scrambled (2 yolks, 4 whites) with 4 cups of steamed spinach and a Cutie tangerine for dinner.  If I was extra hungry, I'd have a recovery protein shake directly following my workout. 

Café Gratitude "Awakening" pie... DIVINE.

In Week 11, however, I had a variety of cheat meals.  Two Sundays ago, my best friend's mom cooked a traditional Irish feast for St. Pat's.  We're talking full-fat corned beef, cabbage/carrots, soda bread, BBQ asparagus, and then a berry cobbler with vanilla ice cream for dessert.  I had seconds -- of both!! It felt SO good, and really gave my body a boost.  I woke up feeling re-fueled and good.  But then on Wednesday I had a date (already... yikes!) and we went to a DELICIOUS vegan restaurant.  It was all natural and organic, but nonetheless I know I blew my macros out of the park with dessert alone (which happened to be a Key Lime and Avocado Cream Pie -- maybe the most delicious thing I have ever had.  Bravo, Café Gratitude!) And THEN, on Friday, my friend ordered Thai food for all of us, and I completely gorged myself on coconut curry and pad Thai.  So, it was a cheat WEEK for me.  But I don't feel bad about it at all.  In fact, I feel great! I'm glad I infused some extra calories and new foods into my diet.  Kinda give my metabolism a break, give my mental state a break, and now I'm more than motivated to get back onto the plan and push for another 2-3 super clean weeks before I splurge again in April.

The Plan for this Week
My plan for this week is to stay the course.  Today and Thursday will be legs day at the gym plus solid intervals on the elliptical.  On Tuesday I plan to run 5 miles, and then do my final back/chest circuit plus a chest/posterior delt fly and assisted pull ups.  Wednesday is my day off but will be an active rest - I'll go for a walk, and do my therapy for my back.  Friday will either be a day off if I plan to play volleyball on Saturday, otherwise it will be biceps, triceps, shoulders and some kind of cardio (maybe hill repeats).  I wish I had access to a pool.

And not, for the long awaited.... PROGRESS PHOTOS!
Shit just officially got real.  Don't judge me for how soft I was when I started back up again.  I as practically on bed rest for all of 2013 :(

This was after week 1

After week 3.  Still had a fluffy belly in full effect!

This was after week 5.  Super hard time because it had already been 35 days and I could see how far I still had to go.  My face says it all.

After week 10.  Starting to see a little definition.  Clothes are starting to fit better.  A smile of hope on my face after 63 days!

Week 11 - More progress, bigger smiles :)

Week 12 - My current state -- still a long ways to go, but finally some visible progress

So, clearly I have a looong ways to go -- especially in the legs department, but my hands are tied there until my therapist gives me clearance to start doing squats, deadlifts, and really any exercise involving the quads.  Right now I'm only allowed to do hams and glutes.  For the record, I haven;t fit into those bikini bottoms since 4 months into my progress in 2012, so I feel like I'm right on track :)

More progress photos in  a month or so!

Progress Report: Week Three -- Workouts, Meal Plans, Progress Photo?

Well, it's not quite 3 weeks, but it's close enough :)

Yesterday marked the start of my 18th week since hurting my back - nearly 4 and a half months.  It feels like it's been an absolute eternity, but when I think about it, if I can recover in 6 - 8 months, that would be pretty reasonable.  

I continue to get stronger and am able to push myself harder in my workouts.  But right now, I only have two different weights routines in rotation, which I alternate every other day:

Routine 1:  Back and Chest

• Seated Row:  4 sets of 10 reps -- 80lbs
• Forward planks: 4 sets of 45 - 60 seconds
• Lat pulldown:  4 sets of 8 reps -- 70lbs
• Side bridges:  4 sets (2 on each side) - 60 seconds
• Bench Press:  4 sets of 8 reps, 30lbs (plus 45-lb bar)
• One arm row: 4 sets (2 on each side) of 10 reps, 27.5-lb dumbbells
• Chest fly:  4 sets of 8 reps, 60 lbs.
• Posterior delt fly:  4 sets of 8 reps, 40 lbs

Routine 2:  Lower Body + Shoulders and Triceps

• Seated hamstring curls: 4 sets of 10 reps, 90 lbs
• Forward planks: 4 sets of 45 - 60 seconds
• Skull crushers: 4 sets of 8 reps, 45-lb barbell
• Prone hamstring curls:  4 sets of 10 reps, 60 lbs
• Side bridges:  4 sets (2 on each side) - 60 seconds
• Shoulder press:  4 sets of 8-10 reps, 30-40lbs
• Tricep extensions:  4 sets of 8 reps, 45 lbs

I do these weights routines on my lunch break, and round it off with a sprint around the block where my office is (0.7 miles) - which I will be increasing to a block and a half for a full mile.  Before work, I walk on the treadmil for 30-45 mins at 3.4 MPH at a 7.0% incline, and then do specific calisthenics designed for my rehab program, including back hyperextensions, glute bridges and stationary lunges.  After work, I do hill repeats: 5 - 6 sets of speed walking up an incredible mountain-grade incline for 6 minutes, then walking down for 6 minutes.  All of these are designed to continue to build up the posterior of my body to help balance things out and bring my pelvis back into a natural alignment.  Picture to the right is one I took at dusk after an ass-kicking on the mountain doing hill repeats.  It's always worth it. 

It is a bit cardio-heavy, but I've been wearing my heart rate monitor and more or less the sum of all of these workouts equals the caloric burn I was achieving pre-injury, with all of it being gentle enough for my body to handle as it heals.  I do have to take 2 solid gym days off a week (I used to only take 1 off), but I think that plays an important role not only just in helping my back heal.  Here's the number of steps I take in a typical day on this routine!

My current diet stands as follows:

1. Pre-AM Workout Meal:

Medium banana, 2 tbsp peanut butter (strictly measured) and 20 fl. oz. water

2.  Post-AM Workout ("Breakfast")

Protein Shake -- I have been doing an audit of protein powders on the market to see if I could find something as healthy as Shakeology, that I enjoy equally, but that doesn't crush my bank account.  I've settled on Tera's Whey, which - when mixed with boiled milk, makes the most epic healthy hot chocolate!

3.  Mid-Morning Snack

Lydia's Organic raw/vegan/gluten-free sprouted grain bar.  Only 2g of sugar, nothing--absolutely NOTHING fake -- delicious!

4.  Lunch

My latest obsessions:  a 4% extra lean ground beef patty in 1/2 a whole wheat pita with lettuce, tomato, pickles, avocado, ketchup and mustard, with a cup of baby carrots.

5.  Mid-Afternoon Snack

I naturally have a blood sugar dip in the afternoon.  I've tried front loading my carbs, back loading my carbs, and spreading them out throughout the day, and it never fails -- come 2pm, I want something sweet.  Cue the dairy! By this time last year, I was completely free of dairy.  It was an experiment which I grew accustomed to.  But now, I feel variety is important.  And since dairy has protein and some sugar, it really hits that mid-afternoon hole in my regimen. I chose a nonfat Greek yogurt, a low fat string cheese and some mixed nuts to add a little more protein and healthy fat to the snack to round it out.  Add a cup of plain black tea:  perfection :)

6.  Pre-PM Workout Meal

Can't workout on an empty stomach! Come 5:30p, even if I'm not hungry, I eat anyway because it's the only way I'll make it through my hill repeats.  Simple:  1/2 cup of jumbo blueberries, the egg whites of 2 jumbo hard boiled eggs, and 1/2 a dark chocolate mocha NuGo bar.  Also vegan, gluten-free, all-natural AND DELICIOUS.  Oiy!

7.  Dinner

My newest go-to meal:  1 lb. of cubed boneless skinless chicken breast simmered in a jar of Trader Joe's Curry Simmer Sauce with chickpeas and steamed broccoli - makes 4 servings.

All of these meals equate to about 1850 calories with a macro distribution of around 30% fat, 37% carbs, and 33% protein.

I will confess, I haven't weighed myself, taken measurements, or tracked my progress.  I do know my clothes are fitting better though, and I've been taking weekly progress photos which I will be posting in a couple weeks.  I did the same thing last time -- didn't start tracking my stats until I was about a month in… and didn't start taking progress photos until 2 months in. Here's one photo I'm proud of though -- I've been kicking my booty in my workouts in time to wear this dress for the summer.  I'm almost there!

So, there you have it.  I need to continue to stick with my meal plans, be smart about my workouts, continue to get quality rest for my back, and I could be back in the game in only a few months :)  Woo-hoo!

HALF YEAR ANNIVERSARY POST!! And progress photos, and other profundities.

I keep a piggy bank.  Well, more realistically, it's an empty protein powder can which I have converted into something useful anew.  Last night, I got a bout of OCD and decided to roll a bunch of the coins in there to scratch an "organization itch" I was having, and wouldn't you know, I had already put away $72 in change in only just a couple months!  Those nickels and dimes didn't even exist to me, they were nothing but little bits that I thought about on an individual basis.  One coin here, one coin there.  They were so minuscule that seeing beyond their individual values didn't even cross my mind.  It was more just an exercise to de-clutter my wallet than to actually save up any reasonable sum of money.

A lot of this got me into a spell of reflection.  Sometimes I feel like we treat a good portion of our life like we do loose change.  Minutes here, minutes there.  And the supply of time many of us have, much like with money, can seem comfortably abundant.  Perhaps even trivially insignificant.  We are careful about some expenditures, but for the most part we float through life like we sift through bills -- it's a routine that we just "do" with no purposeful appreciation.  And when it comes to forecasting into the future, so many of us are guilty of only focusing on the macro-issues and viewing life events like currency in our wallets; we think in terms of dollar bills without any regard for the change.

Something that has always fascinated me about life is starting a new journey and envisioning how it will all play out.  I used to do it at the beginning of the new school year... thinking about homecoming, football games.... what boys I'd be sitting next to in my new classes, what dreams may come true.  Envisioning how I'd look in my Prom dress, what shoes I'd wear with my golden graduation gown.  The parties, the new adventures.  I've done the same thing with new relationships, new jobs, and especially new years. But the fascinating part of it was always at the end, when I looked back and saw how NOTHING occurred the way I had envisioned.  Nothing transpired as quickly and effortlessly as I had forecast.  There was no magic, no fairytale explosion of lyrical happenstance; it rather was a lot of toil, patience, hard work and faith.  Also a lot of disappointment and shortcomings, because often times in waiting for the "magic" to happen, a path of inaction was elected instead.  And in the end, I would always see that the "magic" was never in how things fell into place.  It wasn't even in my determination to simply not let things fall apart.  The magic, rather, was in the growth.  The magic was looking back at where I started -- my empty wallet full of big ideas and purchases to be made -- and then seeing how it was the toil of day-to-day life, the earning of mere pennies on the dollar, that had contributed to the accumulation of wisdom which transformed me into a greater, more capable, more well-rounded and accomplished human being.  It was never the dollars or the big-ticket dreams that changed me.  Instead, it was all the loose change, the minutes that I never thought about and all of those passing moments in between the dreams and desires of macro-life that I collected in a tin can in the corner of my mind without a passing glance, that were the building blocks of my foundation.  They composed the scatter plot line connecting who I was to who I was becoming.

When I awoke this morning, I was checking my calendar for meetings when I noticed that today is July 20th.  It marks the ending of my 25th week of training and clean eating, and signifies that I am only 11 days away from celebrating my HALF-YEAR anniversary of starting this crazy lifestyle revolution!  And that's when my thoughts from the night prior really came full circle and sort of blew my mind in the quiet moments of the morning.  I have recently been looking back on my journey and can't believe how far I've come.  I had to put my head down and just keep fighting the current.  I refused to stop, I refused to let my mind tell me it couldn't be done.  This forced me to really live in the moment and take it one week, one day, sometimes even just one hour at a time.  And now, as I lift my head for a breath of air before I continue onto the second stage of fighting against the current, I've looked back at the shore where I started and can't believe how far from land I've come.  It was the change that had collected in my piggy bank - each hour I made it avoiding caving into treats, each individual squat, each single stride that took me farther from the start line and closer to the finish.  It was an accumulation of the moments I never thought about and that never seemed to really matter; it was each tiny struggle (which subsequently turned into each tiny victory) that made up the baby steps which led to the big things happening.  There was no magic nor a singular moment where I woke up and said, "HALLELUJAH! I lost 15 pounds over night!"  There was no point where it suddenly got easier.  It was more of a subtle adaptation and a certain strength of both body and mind that developed which made believing I could do it, easier.  The faith that I could do it and the determination to stick with it have become the pillars of my success thus far.

For the past few weeks I've been trying to figure out what to blog when it came to my 6-month mark.  It is a tremendous milestone for me, because I had never thought I would make it this far.  But from all of these thoughts that came to me this morning arose an inspiration of what to write.  So, instead of waiting 2 weeks to blog for my half-year anniversary, I'm going to do it now :)

Things That Training and Clean Eating Have Taught Me About Life In General

1. "I know one thing, that I know nothing." --Socrates 
   Before I set out on this mission, I thought I knew everything about fitness and nutrition.  In reality, however, I only knew 100% of what I thought I knew, or wanted to believe.  Looking back, I can say with a small degree of shame that deep down I knew I was misinformed and/or flat-out wrong.  But I was too confident in my own ignorance, too fearful of change, and too proud to accept that I had wasted countless years doing the wrong thing. 
   
   I find myself now so open to trying new things.  And doing them has become so easy for me.  The success that I've had at implementing change, whether it's been quitting dairy, cutting out fruit and store-bought protein bars, learning to do weights before cardio, or simply fighting off a temptation as it comes one hour at a time, has laid a foundational precedent for all the times that have followed when a challenge has arisen.  Simply put:  I've learned to never say "I can't" until I've walked a mile in those shoes...or however long it takes 'til I've proven that I CAN. :)
2. "Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother." --Khalil Gibran
   Doubt?  I don't know if that word has a statute of limitations.  28 years of doubt had calcified into my heart a false truth, one that told me that making it this far was impossible.  But it wasn't just that it was impossible; it was entirely unreasonable, unsustainable, and unfathomable.   Never in my life have I sunk my teeth into something so steadfastly and refused to let go.  Never have I gripped onto something so tightly and held on for dear life, even when the pain and the trials amassed, for the sheer principal of one last chance to prove that I was not as conquerable as I had led myself to believe.
   
   I have accomplished a great many things with my diet and training.  Among other things, did you know I had never even used the oven before I started clean-eating?  I now make my own homemade protein bars, for crying out loud!  I've given up all processed food, and condiments that made healthy food "taste better".  I've given up soda, milk, juice and artificial sweeteners. I've pushed myself to impossible limits in my training, and literally do everything in reverse from what I used to do before.  I've beaten all my records and all my expectations, and I realize now that I have only just reached the tip of the iceberg of what I am capable of.
   
   These all may seem like insignificant feats, but they represent something far greater:  They represent the shell of doubt I have encased myself within for the last 28 years, crumbling all around me.  I am breaking free of all of the constraints I now realize I was placing on myself.  There's this sense of freedom, this empowerment that calls for blood now, and a reckoning for the countless chains I've shackled myself with - not just diet / fitness goals, but other things I've allowed myself to believe were out of my scope of capacity.  Educational endeavors, travel adventures and athletic pursuits I've been too timid to pursue...  I knew clean-eating would be a challenge, but I didn't realize how much I would learn about perseverance, will power, and the inner strength I am capable of harnessing.  For the first time in possibly forever, all those quotes about being able to achieve anything I put my mind too are no longer cliches; they are simply reminders of something I already know to be true.
3. "I always say if the marathon is a part-time interest, you will only get part-time results." --Bill Rodgers
   For any of you just starting out on this wild adventure, I'm going to tell you the cold hard truth right now about everything you need to know regarding clean eating and training in an effort to achieve your goals and dreams.
   
   Right now, you are standing at the starting line of a race that you may or may not have trained for, but it really doesn't matter because any concept of distance you currently have of it will not match up to the reality of the challenge before you.  Some of you are more well-equipped or prepared than others; some of you have had prior experience with this race, some of you may already consider yourselves experts on the course.  Others of you, however, may have tried it before and failed; even others may not even know the course at all.  Some of you are swimming in confidence, and know what will be required of you.  You say to yourself, "Self, it just is what it is.  I just gotta do what I need to do to get to the finish line", while others of you are drowning in fear of the challenge, your own self-doubts having prevented you from perhaps even approaching the starting line until just this moment.
   
   None of this matters.  It matters not how prepared or not you are, how many legs up you think you have on the competition, or what pace you tackle the race at.  You think pace is an indicator of future success??  Ask the tortoise and the hare that question.  It isn't about pace, it is about PERSEVERANCE.  You want to know the truth?  The truth is that it doesn't matter how disadvantaged you feel, or how tall the odds seem to be stacked.  The truth is that everyone is starting at the start line, and finishing at the finish line.  And any idea you have about how difficult it might be, or your awareness of the temptations and struggles you'll face and how much they will just suck, will not compare to the moment when you are fully immersed in said challenge and feel the crushing weight of keeping your eyes focused on the finish line and letting your desire to reach it supersede the enchantingly hypnotic voice of failure telling you to give up and give in.  The strong and the weak, the experienced and the inexperienced, the morbidly obese and the skinny fat folks alike, ALL face the SAME moments of pressure, of doubt, of exhaustion, of temptation and weakness and hardship.  This course is not easy FOR ANYONE.
   
   So stop making excuses for yourself.  When you are 10 miles into this race and feel like you have been going forever, and the humidity increases and you find yourself on a 8% incline hill and want to give up, thinking you can't possibly push harder or dig deeper, that life is demanding too much of you and you've fully lost sight of what this journey means to you in the face of immediate bodily or psychological pain, stop thinking.  Turn your ears off.  Turn your brain off.  Put the blinders up over your eyes, and let your body do the work.  There's a saying that goes, "The mind will give up a thousand times before the body does", and I can speak to you with 100% experience that nothing rings truer than this.  Your mind excels at telling you lies that most people won't even give their body a chance to refute.  And if you choose to cave in and not repeatedly give absolutely every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you have to this endeavor, you can expect nothing short of sub-par results, not to mention you will be cheating yourself out of the experience of a lifetime.

So.  Why all the doom and gloom on that last bullet point, you ask???  I'll tell you why (and this applies to ALL goals and dreams in life, not just those pertaining to diet and fitness):  If you are willing to move mountains - not just in a conceptual way, but actually push with a determination you've never known despite all the odds and all the naysayers, all in the heat of the battle when those challenges and temptations and exhaustion have settled upon you with a force you never foresaw when you first started out, I can guarantee you one thing:  You will change as a human being.  It is IMPOSSIBLE for you to take on this task, and not change as a human being.  Your experience of life and what you realize you are capable of is limitless, much like the universe.  If you chose to push beyond the limits you have placed on yourself, your growth as a human will expand infinitely.  And if you push against these mountains repeatedly, with complete devotion in a spirit that rivals Braveheart's on the Irish battlefields, your immediate goals will become secondary to the complete renaissance you will experience within you, and your experience of living and feeling truly alive will amplify to euphoric levels.  It may be quiet, and subtle.  You may feel it in the middle of an epic cardio session, or that last squat rep in your last set when the perfect song comes onto your iPod.  Or it may be more a matter of reflection when you look back and realize that you have transformed into something superhuman without ever even knowing it.

And you will see that it was never the mile markers along your race that mattered.  It wasn't even in the most memorable challenges that you had anticipated or battled against.  You'll notice that all the results you garnered, and on a bigger scale, the growth you have experienced as a person, were a direct product of each individual step you took along the way.  Yes, there will be detours.  Yes, you will slip and fall.  But those were already factored into the equation.  The magic wasn't ever in the sunk costs or anticipated victories; the magic was in each time you chose to put one foot in front of the other, instead of taking off your shoes and sitting down along the roadside.

So those are the more profound things I have learned so far in just this half year so far.  And I am BEYOND excited to see what the next 6 months have in store for me.  

Until then, a little progress report!!!

18 pounds and 6.6% body fat shed since the 3rd week of my program, when I did my first weigh-in.

Week 22

Week 23

End of Week 25

So.  Here's to adding up all the change, and looking forward to 6 more months of making small moments larger than life! :) <3 

Progress photos, June challenges, and ummm, hello! My first volleyball tourney of the season!!

Progress update time!!

Well, I have to confess; I'm not sure I'm pushing myself as hard as I should be.  I know for a fact that lasting and meaningful results will take time, but I didn't realize that patience meant more than just "staying the course" in a steady fashion; I'm learning that the body needs time to recover, and that pushing myself to the limits needs to come in fits and phases.

The first four months of my transformation were hot and heavy - everything was a challenge or a goal to meet.  But then it got to the point where challenging myself any further, would result in injury.  I have felt abnormal fatigue, hunger spells, an increase in PVCs and then recently, a horrible breakthrough period despite being only 8 days into my new pill pack.

I listen to my body eagerly.  I know it well, and I know when things are wrong.  I usually inherently know what I need to do (or not do) to address the situation, remedy it, and get back on course.  This time around, it has been allowing a few hundred more calories per day (all in the form of fruits or protein).  I also took an alternative approach to my workouts by taking a week off of weights (to rest an elbow injury) and switching up my cardio.  I backed off of doing the stairs in favor of beach sand runs… and for that matter, I stopped doing HIIT entirely.  But my energy is back up, my appetite is back in control, my muscles feel fresh, my insomnia is gone, and my mystery period will be addressed by a new pill prescription next month.

So with all of that said, June is going to be a month of big pushes!  I was recently inspired to make monthly goals to keep myself motivated during these dreaded middle months where plateaus abound and struggles increase in my efforts to really squeeze in those finishing touches - losing those last 5-10lbs of fat & increasing my muscle mass by 5-10lbs.  My diet is clean, but I really need to commit to my meal plans.  There is no point in making a specific calorie and macronutrient meal plan if I'm going to not eat some of the things I pack (usually veggies) and replace them with other things (fruit, and sometimes a whole additional protein bar.)  I've also been drinking a glass of wine a couple nights a week which absolutely WILL stop this month, and I've been eating at the Whole Foods food bar to avoid dinner boredom, which also needs to stop.  The reason I've backed off of vegetables is because my IBS has been on overtime - there is something I am eating that is really irritating my system.  I fear to say it's quinoa, so I'm going to switch that out this month and try a half cup of brown rice instead, and see what happens.

Aside from all of that, it all boils down to me needing to understand that the next month will be miserable (if that's the way I choose to experience it) in the realm of diet - I will need to pass up on almost all of those amazing fruit sales at the store, continue to eat my plain boneless skinless chicken breast with lemon and salt with steamed broccoli for lunch and egg whites with pepper and green beans for dinner.  Chew it, swallow it, and find satisfaction in how much better my clothes will fit tomorrow.

Summer time is the worst to be on a strict diet, when margaritas after a day of volleyball are SO inviting, and grilled short ribs at parties lure you with the promise of lasting nourishment.  Satisfaction must be found in other places.  When hunger strikes, water must be chugged, tennis shoes must be put on, and a grateful walk thru the streets of Santa Monica must be had.  The dissatisfaction will wane when the amazement that dreams CAN be exacted, is meditated on and accepted as an alternative to food-based pleasure.

So with that said, here are the "updates d'jour":
1.  My First Volleyball Tournament of the Season!
My volleyball partner Missy and I competed in our first CBVA of the season.  We lost in the semi-finals, and I have to admit I feel responsible for the loss; I was exhausted and had over-exerted myself earlier in the day, and had no energy to finish strong when it really mattered.  But these are the lessons we need to learn, just as any athlete must - how to pace oneself, how to keep mental focus and clarity…. the right mixture of stoic competitiveness and amicable friendliness.  We know what we need to work on, and I'm excited about our future in the sport this season!  Pictures to be posted soon.

2.  June challenges!!
My first monthly challenge! And it's two-fold.  The first part is that I vow to ride my bike to work Monday-Thursday of each week this month.  This is major, considering as how I have so much shit to cart around, and it will mean having to wake up 20 minutes earlier each day.  But I am committed! Plus I need to save money on gas haha :)  The second part of my challenge is to take an update photo every day for the month of June, and then I will compile it into a video to the tune of my fave inspirational song.  The past couple days have been rough cuz I've been bloated with my mystery extra period, but whatever.  Hopefully with increased diligence on my diet, really pushing myself in my workouts and drinking plenty of water, I'll be good.

3.  PROGRESS PHOTOOOOSSS!
So, here are the updates:

My weight is down to 138.5, which technically is only 3.5lbs away from my goal! But I still have SO much subcutaneous fat in my midsection.  But I also have a lot of muscle weight to gain so I'm not sure what my final number really will be.  Who cares :)  This photo was taken the 3rd day of Week 17.

WEEK 16 - EXHIBIT A:  I am officially too skinny for my skinniest skinny jeans :D  Which, for the record, is a damn shame, since they are neon green and fabulous.  Yet another casualty to the eat-clean diet ;)

WEEK 17 - In my stupid un-matching outfit… 

WEEK 18 - Exhibit B:  New bikini -- bottoms are a size EXTRA SMALL! :-O Obviously they run little, and this may be an unfortunate testament to the fact that my booty may have shrunk a little, but who cares :)

WEEK 19 - EXHIBIT C:  Swedish colors.  Vi alskar sverige :)

(Still week 19) - Exhibit D:  Nothing to really report here, just a snap shot of my daily photo shoot from yesterday (day 2 of my June challenge).

So those are my updates this time around.  I plan on re-inventing my workout schedule soon, and so I'll post that when I do.  I'll also sart posting pics of my volleyball tournaments and such, woo-hoo!

Progress Photos!! "There is no longer a desperation for [the diet] to be over; rather, an organic eagerness for it to continue."

It's been a while since I updated the cold hard facts about my progress, and I wanted to say a couple thoughts about it before I start posting statistics or pictures.

First of all, when I started this journey, I originally committed to only 30 days (1 month).  I thought I retained a pretty accurate library of information in my head of what I needed to do, how to do it, and what to expect.  I thought in one month's time of dieting, I would loose a boat-load of weight and be right back on my merry way of partying and happy hour-ing with my friends.

You read these success stories of mildly obese individuals who loose 14 lbs in one month, 30 lbs in 3 months, 100 lbs in 6... and you say to yourself, "Self, all we have is 5-10 lbs to drop.  This should be a piece of cake."

So one month goes by and you see no results.  You lose maybe 2-4 lbs, but you know it's just excess water and waste, and very little fat because everything still fits the same.  2 months go by, you weigh the same, you feel like you look the same in the mirror, but you do notice clothes fitting a little more appropriately.  3 months go by and the scale moves another 3-5lbs, clothes are noticeably looser, but you still see so many problem areas and that's when you realize this is going to take a long while.

But that's the beauty of it - so many people don't want to start this journey because they are aware of what they will have to sacrifice, and they can't seem to get past the pain of that.  Nobody realizes that this quiet transformation takes place during the beginning.  The first month is brutal, because you haven't trained your body and mind to experience enjoyment any differently.  People think that the feelings of deprivation and constant temptation and lack of fulfillment last forever.  BUT THEY DON'T!  It goes away, because your body and mind change.  You think that the reality you live in now, with the cravings and the fulfillment you currently get from snacking on unhealthy food, is permanent, but it's not.  Your reality can be changed if you force it to.  It's a willful choice in the beginning to struggle through the change, but once you are no longer dependant on sugars, your taste buds have adjusted to different types of food, your body adjusts and starts giving incredibly positive responses to what you're feeding it (increased energy, sensational feelings of happiness and well-being, shiny skin/hair/nails, increased libido, the list goes on!), it is no longer a current you are fighting against to avoid those temptations; you feel completely free and normal and those temptations and cravings are more or less completely gone. After that first month or two, you no longer have that sweet tooth, temptations aren't tempting any more because you find you don't need or crave those foods you once clung to, and you move forward just as any other noraml person would.

I thought I would tough it out through one month to achieve the body I wanted and then I could go back to my reality.  But instead what has occured is so far greater than that; I have created a new reality for myself.  A new path, full of new adventures and dreams and all these things I thought were out of my reach and reserved solely for a special breed of weird person who didn't like "good tasting food" or who had the energy to wake up early and train like a beast.  "I can't do that," I'd say to myself.  "I need my sleep.  And I'm so tired after work.  And I have so much to do."

The truth of the matter is that we are all tired, and all busy, and all have incredibly packed schedules, but thats not the point - the point is to want it bad enough that you MAKE the time, no matter the cost, because you have committed to a dream and want to achieve it.

I commited to one month, and I just finished my fourth.  But instead of looking back and saying, "Holy hell this has been a long road, when is it gonna be over?!!?"  I say to myself, "J*sus H... it's only been 4 months and look at the progress I've made..... can you imagine what kind of results I'll see in after the 5th month?? The 6th?? By the end of the year????"  There is no longer a desperation for it to be over; rather, there is an organic eagerness for it to continue.  THAT is the difference.  And it isn't because I am a special breed of weird person who has some genetic predisposition to being an athlete - I am a common person - one of 6 billion in the world - who, just like all the other success stories you see and read about, decided to make the ultimate stand.  I'm just a girl who has had a dream for a very long while and has decided that she wants to achieve it.  Simply put.  So everything that I have had to sacrifice - forgoing favorite foods and booze; going to bed at 10pm on a Saturday night so that I can wake up at 5am the next morning to workout; giving up sleeping in entirely, for that matter - has not actually been a sacrifice at all, but rather just a trade.  That's another thing you learn on this journey - it's not like you are just piling up your favorite things on a pyre and watching them burn... you don't "lose" anything by committing to a strict diet and exercise regimen.  You may have to give some things up, but you get SO MUCH IN RETURN.  You are trading in one thing, for something better.  At the end of the day, what you are receiving is so much more valuable and fun and fulfilling and enjoyable than what you are giving up.

So, with all of that said, here are some updates before I go into the statistics:

Photos from May 13th (top / end of week 15) and May 5th (bottom / end of Week 14)

 

May 13, 2012 - end of Week 15. 

This is a photo actually from the Swingers Tournament we

played in on May 5th.  I personally can see a lot of

progress in my extremeties, but can you see that gut fat

hanging over my bikini bottom? Imagine in two months

when that has been melted away in the gym, and that

section is flat and toned :)

I've decided to take weekly photos to start tracking progress.  I should have done this ages ago, but I didn't have the heart to do it because I didn't believe I was capable of it.  But better late than never!  Now that I know I can do it, these progress photos are nothing more than capturing evidence of a time in my life that I expect to disappear very rapidly :)

 

This past Sunday, I decided to celebrate the end of my 4th month of diet and exercise with a giant boost into the next month - I did a 2-a-day workout.  And not just ANY 2-a-day; I played 5 hours of volleyball, drank a protein shake, and then went on a 4-mile beach run.  It was significantly taxing, but it felt so good; I felt so strong.  There is something very beautiful about pushing your body into complete exhaustion.  Food tastes better, showers feel more amazing, and plopping down on the couch in cozy PJs has got to be close to pure euphoria :)

 

After my run I went to the gym to shower and change cuz I had to run errands and didn't have the energy to drive all the way home.  Usually I use the Virgin Mobile "Heart Center" at my gym on every other Monday to take my weight, body fat % and blood pressure readings, but I decided that I wanted to see where I was on Sunday after all my workouts, just out of curiosity.  Mind you, I'm aware that I sweat a lot throughout the day but I was hydrating like a camel so I'm fairly certain I wasn't too water-weight low when I took this reading:

The last time I weighed myself (2 weeks ago), I was 139.8lbs. I theorized that 2 lbs of the weight loss seen here, could be attributed to water loss.  I stood there staring at the screen though and couldn't believe my eyes... I was finally at my goal weight, but I still have 2 more months of leaning out to go before I want to start cutting!  To say I was beyond-myself-thrilled at these results is a COMPLETE understatement!  I kind of had the feeling that I was on the cusp of some very rapid changes now that I was getting my body fat % down.  And on that note, I have mentioned this in prior blog entries, but it's worth saying again:  I do not actually have only a 14.5% body fat composition.  This machine using the infrared bicep measuring method, and my extremeties (arms and legs) are MUCH more toned than the rest of my body.  If my midsection was as toned as my biceps, I'd look like an olympian haha.  They say this machine can have up to a 4% reading inaccuracy, and I'd say that 18-19% body fat sounds more appropriate for me.  Maybe more, I don't know.  But I take the reading relatively; when I started out, the bicep reading said I was 20.7% body fat, I believe.  So relatively speaking, I have cut out a lot of fat in my body, regardless of what the REAL reading actually is :)

Because I was sure that my reading on Sunday was a bit biased by my extensive cardio load that day, I went ahead and measured myself again the following day, and here was what I got:

And as I suspected, I was 2 lbs up from the day prior.  But that isn't to discount the fact that I was 2 lbs down from my last real Monday reading!! The results keep on coming!!!

Now I'll go through the sequence of progress photos.  I feel like a narcisist posting all of these, but after all, this blog is a sort of diary for me to track my progress, and so I'm storing all of my photos from this journey in my blog to keep them all in one place.  Apologies therefore in advance if this is overkill, but I want evidence to look back on and share with people in the future who were just like me starting out, to prove that it can be done!! 

I spared no expense at making the goofiest faces possible.  People take themselves too seriously these days :D

Beginning of the Month progress photos - May 18, 2012 (near the end of Week 16):

More progress photos - May 21, 2012 (Beginning of Week 17):

For the record, I nearly flipped out when I took these photos - I wasn't going to take them, except that I was cleaning house (yes, in my awesome yellow stripped tube-top and purple leopard-printed pants.  What can I say, I have awesome taste in fashion ;D ) and I happened to see my reflection and noticed the definition of the very top abdominals starting to come through just below my tube-top.  I couldn't believe my eyes.... I knew the lighting helped, but I have never in my life seen that occur in my body, and it was a bit of a spiritual and slightly terrifying moment actually, when I realized I really was making things happen.  I felt incredibly powerful, and somewhat scared of with the realization of what I am actually achieving.  I was awe-inspired!

So there you have it!  End of Month 4 / beginning of Month 5 progress photos.  I am going to stay strong and continue on my leaning out phase till the end of Month 6. I'll post progress photos every two weeks.  I am finally starting to see the results I naïvely assumed it would only take me 30 days to achieve, but I couldn't be happier that it has taken this long.  My life is surely never going to be the same :)

Progress photos: The dreaded bikini photo-in-the-mirror, I'm-not-where-I-want-to-be-yet-but-I'm-getting-there shot...

So before I address today's topic, I'd just like to say I ABHOR the pictures people take of themselves in the mirror.  I mean, c'mon - just how narcissistic can some people get?!!?!

But this isn't about narcissism, it's about humility.  I so truly wish I had taken photos of my body before I embarked on this journey, but I didn't for two reasons:  The first was that I couldn't bear to see on film just how far I had to go.  There is something strange about looking at a 3D reflection of yourself in a mirror versus a 2D shot in a photograph.  Somehow the photograph seems to be more telling of how you truly look.  At least that's how I feel like it is.  Anyhow, the second reason I didn't take "before" photos was because I have tried "dieting" so many times in the past, and failed miserably within the first 2 weeks, that I thought it would be stupid to try to be "all official" with this particular stint at dieting only to watch it fall to the wayside just like everything else I've tried to be official about in the past.  Once I realized that I was going to make an honest effort at this diet/fitness program (about 3 weeks in, when I started logging my weight/body fat stats), I wasn't ready to potentially sabotage my efforts by, again, taking photos of my body and being discouraged by how awful I looked.  Ignorance was my best tool at ensuring I stay motivated.  But my advice to people just starting out is this - if I could go back and do it again, I would take "Before" picutres at the very beginning (and measurements!!!) and just not look at them.  I could have easily done that on my digitial camera on a spare memory card and if I failed, delete the photos without ever looking at them.  I really wish I had done that.

In any event, I did dig up some photos from years past which give an indication of how soft I had become (in addition to those I already posted HERE):


First of all, THIS IS A COSTUME!! It was for a friend's birthday party and the theme was "80s disaster".  I am heinously wide in this photo - at least, to my mind.  I was playing in 5 highly competitive soccer leagues at the date of this photo (2008ish) and going to the gym 6 days a week, but I'd only do cardio, no weights.  And my diet was abysmal.

This photo was from May 2009 and it horrifies me.  I know it doesn't look bad perhaps, but again, I was working out 6 days a week.  This is the type of image that illustrates what I mean when I say, "My body didn't reflect the effort I was putting into it."  I was about 150lbs in this photo, no muscle.  All I would do is hours of cardio at the gym, on the elliptical, the same speed and the same difficulty level, 6 days a week.

Took this photo in August 2009 just before a volleyball tournament (I was a spectator, never had played the sport at the time of this pic).  There are two things to keep in mind in pic - the first is that I took this photo and kept it because I thought I looked AMAZING in it.  That was helped in part by my hands cupping my hips (aka MASSIVE muffin top) and hiding them, giving the appearance of a more trimmed figure, and also pushing the fat forward a little to create an illusion as though I had the beginning of ab definition in my upper obliques.  This is the only surviving front-on photo I have of myself prior to starting my training program.  And while it is 3 years old, trust me when I say I hadn't changed much - I was the exact same weight and size when I started this time around.

So, now that THAT embarrasment is done, I can get to a little bit of "light at the end of the tunnel / there's hope for the future" pictures.  These pictures I'm about to share are still difficult for me to view, because they confirm, as I suspected, that I'm nowhere near where I want to be.  But they DO reflect results.  And those results translate into hope for me.  And on a broader scale, I realize that I should be enjoying these photos now, because all they represent is a former version of myself that won't be around much longer.  They are pictures that I will one day share without shame, but rather pride, because how I will eventually look, won't be anything like how I do in these.  And I can relish in the fruits of my hard labor, and will use these photos to motivate people to undertake the same steps I did, to achieve the body I never knew I was capable of until I tried.

(ps, I'm a goof ball.  For all the ensuing progress photos that I'll be sharing on this blog, I can assure you cross-eyed monkey faces will be used in all of them :D)

The following sequence of photos were taken on April 8th / the last day of Week 10

The following sequence of photos were taken on May 6th / end of Week 14

So, there you have it.  I'm a real-life blogger on a real-life mission with real-life evidence of real-life results!!!!!

And I can tell you this - I'm nowhere near where I want to be.  And yes, I've been at this for 14.5 weeks, and perhaps I'm not achieving results as fast as some people, but I'll tell you this - I won't stop until I've made it to the finish line.  I know I have a lot of work to lose that hip fat, but dammit, I'm going to achieve it.  I BELIEVE!! :D 

And once the fat loss cycle is done with, the muscle gain cycle will begin, and a whole new series of befores and afters will make the journey that much more fun :)

So, here's to enjoying this body now because it's only going to be here for a short while longer :))

OH! And, week 15 stats :)