"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful"
-Eric Thomas
In week nine, I realized something very important: I am going to succeed. I have this one dream, and sometimes it seems so far-fetched given the limitations my back problem poses, but it doesn't matter; I'm going to achieve every single one of my goals. It might take me longer than 6 months. It might take me longer than 6 years. But one day, I will be on this blog posting about how NOTHING is impossible if you want it bad enough to do whatever it takes.
Dr. Eric Thomas's words have spoken to me for 2 years now. His speech (some of which is posted in the video at the end of this blog) propelled me through the tough times in 2012 when I first starting chasing after this crazy dream, and they have now taken my hand once again. I spent all of 2013 sitting on the sidelines, stuck on bed rest, not even being able to walk without pain. Patience was no option when all I felt, all day long, was that bloodlust to get back in the gym and keep working toward my goal. Fate had a different path in mind for me.
There's this funny thing about dreams -- the ones for which we are intoxicatingly fervent -- they never let us go. They haunt us until we haunt them. For some of us, if we're lucky, we have a vision that provokes the same feelings in us as a desperate, unrequited love - a love we can't bear to live without, a love that chokes us in our sleep and occupies every thought, every moment, and every action we make in life.
For me, building my physique is something so much more than the superficial. It is so much more than a physical state of being. It even transcends being an emotional, spiritual or psychological transformation; it is the complete intermixing of each of these qualities of being human, and then more.
To some, it may appear just a typical motivational meme. To me, it summed up in one sentence the very essence behind this drive I have within to achieve my goal. When I first started seriously training in 2012, it WAS only just about looking good. In fact, the very words out of my own mouth in my first blog post on this site were, "Why doesn't my body look like the elite athlete I feel like I work so hard for it to be!?" It was always about outward appearances. It was always about slaving away at the gym to have the results -- never about the process. Like a desk jockey who throws away 9 hours of their day every weekday just to have a paycheck in the end -- and not actually enjoying their craft at all. But it didn't matter; all I wanted was the body to show for it.
That is, until I tasted the first moment of what it felt like to be strong. That first moment I looked in the mirror and saw with my eyes the difference. That moment when I realized all the time I spent researching, constructing routines, following the advice of the experts, cleaning up my diet and REFUSING to make excuses or fall to temptations. That time I felt my lats flex for the first time, and felt over come with empowerment. I felt.... invincible. Capable. I felt like I had somehow righted all of the wrongs from my past by proving to myself that I could set my mind to a goal and accomplish it on my own. I felt an overwhelming pride of ownership in who and what I was, and what I had earned. There is just this ethereal essence of simply existing that can be felt (almost like a high, I would imagine) when you put absolutely everything you have into a task -- more than just blood sweat and tears, but also your heart, your soul, and everything you ever believed about your limitations (and then some!) -- and then to see it finally translate onto your canvas. It was like breathing fresh air for the first time. It was the most awake, most alive, I had ever felt.
It was a challenge, and it was exciting, and it was beautiful. It was an art and a form of expression; it touched upon every element of what I need as a human to live a fulfilling life.
So when all of it was taken away from me so suddenly when I injured my back, it was complete ruin. I had to ask myself some incredibly difficult questions in the midst of my long recovery, and went through some dark times I'd care never to repeat.
But, here we are. Things will never be as they once were for me, but not a single day passed during my recovery that I ever faltered and my passion for this dream ever faded. It was always there, waiting for me. I don't know how long it will take, but I will absolutely be damned if I don't achieve my goal.
The question is, what are my goals? So far, its just a number: 15%. That is what I want to get my body fat down to, and to build natural lean muscle. Whether I actually choose to compete one day is a different story; its more just a personal thing. I'd also like to be able to run the Big Sur half marathon, and finally win my damn A and AA ratings in volleyball.
Really, I just want to prove to myself that I won't let the circumstances if life snuff me out. Not yet, at least.
Week Nine was solid. I ramped up my workouts -- particularly my cardio, to increase my caloric burn and help with the leaning out phase. I did a LOT of stretches for my back each day, and it helped tremendously. I continued with my weight training but took extra precaution on legs day. I stuck to my diet, and acknowledge I will need to be on top of my diet more on the weekends. Week 10 will be about continued vigor in cardio, an increase in weights, the addition of a new circuit training day, and clamping down more on my diet.
"Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a day -- or even a year. But eventually, it WILL subside. And something else will take its place. The most important thing is this: To be able to, at any moment, sacrifice what you are, for what you will become."
--Eric Thomas
