A Day In The Life of My Diet! And July goals, and such :)

Greetings, earthlings!

Wow, today was a 2fer blogging day.  And this one is actually diet/exercise-related, woo-hoo!

I'd love to spend more time gabbing about all these little things, but alas, my time is limited.  So, in the best interest of logging updates to my diet and fitness journey, I leave you with the famous words of Mario from Super Mario Brothers:  "Heeeere we GO!" :D

I was previously eating 7 small meals a day and not being able to figure out why I always felt like I was going to pass out.  Once I was done beating myself with the Stupid Stick, I realized that each of my meals was just too small; it didn't matter that I was eating every 1.5-2 hours if each meal was just not enough to get me out of a blood sugar dip.  D'oh!  So now, I've truncated everything into 6 meals.  Same foods, just more condensed.  

These photos are vaguely pointless, however, because my July goals are to essentially cut 3/4ths of the sugar out of my diet, which means big changes.  Sh*t's gonna get real.  But anyway, this is what I've been eating basically since the last time I posted food pics:

Meal 1

1 cup decaf with 1/2 cup unsweetened organic soymilk, 1 large steamed zucchini, 1/4 avocado and a builder's bar.  Oh and 24 fl. oz. water

Meal 2:

2 peaches, 1 cup berries (blueberry and raspberry, here) and a banana.  I no longer eat oatmeal after I discovered the joys of eating protein in my first meal, so these are some of the only carbs I get in the day.

Meal 3:

I forgot to take a pic before I ate my Meal 3, so I went home and pulled one out of the freezer, lol.  It's 6 oz. boneless skinless chicken breast, 2/3 cup green peas and 2/3 cup brown rice medley

Meal 4:

2 cups red leaf lettuce, a cut up apple, 1 serving raw almonds, and a Trader Joe's Blueberry Fiber Cake Muffin with a cup of green tea and a little soymilk.

My meal 5 is a chocolate Shakeology shake mixed with 1.5 cups unsweetened organic almond milk, and meal 6 is just an egg white, black bean and spinach scramble with garlic and cayenne pepper :) You can see a preview of the "Egg White Burrito" I'll be making for my July breakfasts and dinners in my Mad Science cooking album on my Facebook page, HERE.

All of these meals equate to the following macro-nutrient breakdown (This, being based off of an 1,800 calorie diet composed of 25% fat, 30% protein, and 45% carb.  And 100g sugars):


JULY
July is a big month for me.  When I started my journey, I hoped to have lost all the weight I wanted off, after 6 months of clean eating and exercise.  The end of July will mark my 6th month completed.  I was looking at my stats and realized the weight wasn't coming off fast enough, and though I was seeing results, I still have a substantial amount of fat in my core.  After some honest diet journalling, I discovered the culprit:

SUGAR.

Look at all that fruit - Banana, apple, 2 peaches, berries... peas.... the protein bar.... something's gonna have to change.

My June goal was to ride my bike to work 4 days a week, and that's a trend that will be staying through the end of Daylight Savings (upon which it becomes way too dangerous for me to ride home in the dark.  I got hit by a car last year!).

This month, it's all about diet.  I want to limit myself to 50-75g of sugar a day.  It will be traumatic, but it's my final push.  At the end of next month, I want to be ready to change things up and start putting on muscle mass and "cutting", if you will.  I'm even entertaining the thought of some light natural body building during the volleyball off-season, just to keep me motivated!

Here's a sample of what I think my diet will be looking like:
So this current diet has 81.4g of sugar, which I think is something I can live with.  There are things I can adjust to this, though.  I will very likely substitute in green beans for peas with my lunch, and sweet potatoes for the brown rice.  I am also going to attempt to make my own protein bars following this recipe here, because it is HIGH time I ditch the processed bars.  Not to mentioned it contributes 20% of my daily sugar intake! Umm, hello!

I'm also excited to announce that I found a digestive enzyme complex at Whole Foods that appears to be solving almost all of my digestive issues.  I've been slowly adding in previously troublesome foods with great success! It will cost me an arm and a leg, but you can't put a price tag on good health :) I'll blog about it soon!

"Älskar mig när jag förtjänar det minst, för det är då jag behöver det bäst."

As a preface to this entry, I'd just like to make mention that this has nothing to do with diet and exercise, other than to say that anytime my life looks like an impending nuclear disaster, the gym absolutely MUST be my number one priority.  The second my workouts get infringed upon during a time of change in my life, all hell breaks loose.  We're talking a breakdown of Mt. St. Helen's proportions! ;D

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Have you ever had one of those times where you felt like your life was a complete mess?  Well.  That is precisely where I am at right now.

I wish I could write everything I'm going thru right now, but since this is a public blog, I'll keep it short and sweet:  I am completely stressed out right now.  I am unhappy at my work, so I am taking steps to address my unhappiness with the hope that a positive outcome will result.  But that has immersed me in a lot of anxiety and pressure, and I've been feeling very out-of-control lately.  I am a bit of a control freak; I can handle change and "variability" decently when one of the quadrants of my life is askew, but the second the other facets of my life get involved, I go into what my dear mother so affectionately calls, "Megan Meltdown Mode".

Remember what the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant looked like when it exploded after the Japanese Tsunami of 2011?  Here, let me refresh your memory:

Replace the reactor with my face, and that is kind of what things looked like last night.

On top of work and all that is surrounding it, I am stressed out about my colposcopy that I'm having this Monday, and having to face the discussion with my doctor about requesting a needle biopsy of Clementine (the lump in my left breast) to make certain it is not cancerous.  Plus I have the stress of having to help organize a massive charity volleyball tournament I committed to, that I really want to make happen, but don't really have the time or energy to devote to right now.  And to make things even more difficult, money has been pretty tight for me what with all of these doctors appointments I've had to go thru, so I'm a little stressed out about that.  Oh and then I hurt my mom's feelings because I was so fixated on my own life, that I forgot to wish her a Happy Birthday yesterday! And then the icing on the cake is that there are some serious issues with my relationship with... well.. let's just call him "Guy" for right now.  He and I have never really been on the same page; we are two very different people.  We give and receive very differently.  I'm the sensitive, hands-on, nurturing type; he is the type who doesn't care much for displays of affection or touchy-feely things.  I tend to be affected much more strongly when it comes to mental and physical pain, whereas he doesn't feel it at all - or if he does, he is able to reason his way out of just about anything.  When either of us has something bad going on, I think we both react the same way we wish to be treated - I immediately go into "Mama Bear" mode and offer him an abundance of warmth and affection, a soft shoulder to lean against, a listening ear, or I'll bring him a chocolate chip cookie (his favorite).  I reach out to console him with hugs the way my mom used to when I was a child.  It is how I feel safe and cared for, and how I try to impart that feeling onto others.  On the other hand, when I have things going wrong, Guy seeks to immediately try to change my perspective of things, diminish the threat posed on my life, help me to reason my way out of stress and anxiety, and ultimately try to plot ways to fix the situation to get my mind off of it.

These are both inherently good approaches, but the problem with each is that they aren't received properly by either Guy or I.  When I try to help Guy, he perceives it as me smothering him and he ultimately pushes me away.  And when Guy tries to console me, I perceive it as him being abrasive and insensitive, trivializing my very real emotional distress, and I blow up on him.  The result?  I feel like he doesn't care about me when he pushes me away, and he feels like he can do no good when I get mad at him for trying to help.

Last night was a prime example.  Guy knew from the second I walked in his door, without even seeing my face but rather just hearing the tone in my voice, that something was wrong.  I explained how stressed I was. But what he didn't know (or understand) was that I was at the cusp of a Megan Meltdown.  I should have canceled on our plans that night, but I missed him and wanted to be around him.  The result, however, was an epic fight stemming from my total collapse of reason, his frustration over not knowing how to react, and a general breakdown of communication resulting with him slamming the car door on me at the restaurant and storming off while I sobbed in the driver's seat and drove off.

Here's an important lesson I want to share with you all:  Sometimes, when people come to you with their problems, they don't want you to "fix" them.  Often times, they don't even want you to help share or carry the burden.  A lot of times, people seek you out simply for a compassionate ear with which to listen, a gentle shoulder upon which to cry, and nothing else but a silent nod and validation of their feelings simply by hearing you say you understand how difficult it must be for them.  A lot of times our problems can seem so trivial, and our reactions to them so melodramatic and irrational.  Sometimes, our problems aren't even problems at all! They could be fun things like planning a wedding, or applying for a dream job.  But that doesn't diminish the affect of stress on our minds and hearts.  And the person on the outside has to put their judgments aside.  For me, two of the biggest things that finally tipped the scale from me being able to handle all of these "balls in the air" to me completely melting down over them, was the fact that my car windshield was dirty and that my roommate didn't take the trash out.  It's always the little things.  But an accumulation of problems can really put us in a tailspin, and speaking as a female, a good cathartic cry is sometimes something I really need before I can pull myself up by the bootstraps, put on my big girl pants, and address the issues on my own.

Bless Guy's heart, he tried his best to help me in the way he would have wished to have been helped, and I blew up on him.  I harbor a lot of anger over the fact that he KNEW how distressed I was and he abandoned me in a time of need; he should have put compassion first, regardless of how unfairly I was treating him, because he knows me well enough to know I was not in my normal state, and that this would pass and I would profusely apologize afterwards.  But then I realized that perhaps I shouldn't have put him through it to begin with; what good is an apology if I know I am acting improperly, even in the heat of the moment?  It's like committing a sin knowing you can be forgiven of it later. 

There is a Swedish proverb out there that goes as such:

"Älskar mig när jag förtjänar det minst, för det är då jag behöver det bäst."

It translates to "Love me when I deserve it least, for that is when I need it most."

If we were to take a practical approach to things, then absolutely yes I was in the wrong and almost entirely at fault.  But life is not practical.  There are so many qualities that are inherently human - love, sadness, stress, impatience, desire - and while a lot of them are negative, or produce negative scenarios, they are nonetheless HUMAN.  We can do our best to avoid them, or mitigate the damage, but to eliminate them altogether would be far too utopian (and equally hellish) than is possible in this world.  When that's the case, I feel it is important for the strong to be strong for the weak; their time will come when they themselves need someone to be strong for them.  It's best that we strive rather to be the perch upon which a travel-worn gull can rest, than the feeble branch that gives way under the strain of it's weight.

So, that's all I have to say today.  I have a back log of blog entries I need to get on top of  - my July goals, progress photos, new "A Day In the Life Of My Diet" pics, as well as a research article on frozen yogurt joints, eating clean on the cheap, and whether there is truth to saying one should do weights before cardio.  Oh and another one on whether or not ripened fruit has more calories than unripened?  But I'll get to those entries once I have a chance to sort thru the more macro issues in my life.

Upward and onward...

#GymRatProblems

Happy Friday, my loves and darlings!


So, this past week was a heavy week for me with sobering posts on my blog.  But you know what?  I'm moving on :)  I'll deal with the blows as they come, and everything I'm facing seems to be very easily address-able, so HALLELUJAH!  I'm so thankful to be alive and well and injury-free to boot!  Things could always be FAR far worse, in the grand scheme of things.

To lighten things up, I wanted to blog about ridiculous problems that I have encountered along my fitness and clean-eating journey.  I always think it's funny when someone posts a very real (but somewhat ludicrous) pet peeve on Facebook, and then hash-tags it with the #firstworldproblems meme.  Whether politically correct or not, at least they are being honest and recognizing that a lot of the things that truly bother or annoy us, are really nothing in the big picture of life.

I have collected a short list of annoyances that I am sure many of you can sympathize with, below.  What are your top #gymrat, #clean-eating or #fitnessfreak pet peeves?

1.  My underwear don't fit me anymore!!

The situation:  Ever pick out your favorite sexy pair of Vic's Secret panties that you spent $25 bucks on, only to find that they have become frump-tastically saggy and are now slipping off of your new svelte frame?

The problem: To dispose or not to dispose:  that is the question. But what a waste! And it's not like I can donate the undies (that would just be weird), so of course now I have a new storage bin of lovely lingerie that I adore but never want to fit into again.  Safe keeping in case the fat days come again??  Bite your tongue!

On the brighter side.... It's always nice when your 'au naturel' body is sexier than the lace you adorn it with.  Besides, you never know when those suckers could come in handy again; they could perhaps come in very useful during the zombie apocalypse??? :D

2.  Have my boobs shrunk? UUUUGH.

The situation:  Similar to the above case study, have any of you noticed that for each 10-15lbs you lose (approximately), your boobs get smaller too?  According to Livestrong.com (link:  HERE), the body does not discriminate from where it pulls fat cells to burn during the weight loss segment of your fitness program.  Just like we can't simply target fat loss in just the hips, or just the belly, the body loses weight evenly among all parts.  And since a significant portion of a woman's breasts are made up of fat cells, it's no wonder that the Lovely Lady Lumps that Fergie sang so adamantly about, 'take one for the team' in shrinking a bit during your body shape metamorphosis.

The problem:  My army of Vic's Secret bras have joined the Panty Brigade in the space-saver under my bed.  *Sigh* 

On the brighter side... Did somebody say SHOPPING??? :D Plus, there are two bright rays of good hope here - the first is that since your body looses weight proportionately, you'd have to lose a SIGNIFICANT amount of weight for anyone to really notice a smaller bust size.  And even so, since the rest of you is equally smaller, your 'ladies up top' will still appear to be the same size as they were before, in relation to your frame.  Secondly, according to another Livestrong.com article (link:  HERE), this is a great reason to make dear friends with a Barbell (image HERE) and familiarize yourself with a chest press.  Weight loss can change the size and firmness of your breasts, but you can combat that by strengthening your pectoral muscles (your "pecks" - yes, women have them too!!).  These will offer a natural breast lift, and give the appearance and feel of a fuller, firmer breast.  No access to a gym? Have no fears! Simple push-ups do the trick, which you can do at an incline if you have bad shoulders / elbows, or lack upper body strength, until you are capable of doing them on a horizontal surface.

3.  Post-workout Toilet Seat Cover Separation Anxiety Disorder

The situation:  5:30pm.  Just logged an EPIC hour-long elliptical session that, had it occurred on a battlefield, could have rivaled the intensity of a war scene from Braveheart.

The problem:  To prepare for said battle, you hydrated all throughout the day by drinking almost an entire gallon of water.  Your bladder did its best to keep up, but you definitely need to 'drain the pipes' after your ellipti-war.  You run to the john, you throw down a toilet seat cover, you sit down, and immediately you feel the toilet seat cover becoming one with the sweat on your booty / back of legs.  When finished, you stand up and UP comes the toilet seat cover too.  CR*P!  To make matters worse, you try peeling it off, which subsequently turns the situation into one reminiscent of trying to remove tissue remains from a sweater that went into the washer/dryer with a Kleenex in the pocket.  Le' sigh.

On the brighter side.... This is a PRIME example of promoting fitness multi-tasking in your everyday life.  Instead of using a toilet seat cover and risking gaining a new layer of faux flesh on your tushy, pop a squat! No, seriously - squat over the potty in proper form and do your business while also getting in an extra lower body squat rep :) Voila!

4.  My kitchen looks like the Tupperware version of Mr. Roger's Land of Make-Believe

The situation: It all started with needing 7 medium-sized containers into which I could place a carb, a veggie and a protein, and then throw it into the freezer to store until I needed one for lunch each day of the week....

The problem:  Unbeknownst to the general population, Tupperware is much like Gizmo from the movie Gremlins: get it wet, and it uncontrollably multiples!  And don't even get me started with the fact that Tupperware lids, much like socks in the dryer, fall victim to spontaneous combustion.  It's my only explanation for why I incessantly have more containers than matching lids.  This ranks about just as high as running out of Conditioner quicker than Shampoo.  I mean, really?? UUUGH.  [cue #firstworldproblems hash tag ;)]


On the brighter side... Tupperware is amazing, and there are ways to use up old containers if you have too many but don't want to throw them away.  You can pretty much use them anywhere - to hold rubber bands in the cabinet of your home office, to hold pens/pencils in your children's rooms (or for that matter, make them into piggy banks!)  My personal favorite is using up my old cottage cheese containers from back when I used to eat dairy, by cutting a couple holes in the base, filling them with potting soil, and growing individual herbs in my carport.  My apartment doesn't allow us to grow plants in the garden, so I put together my own Tupperware Garden of Eden alongside the back of the complex (affectionately named TupperEden by yours truly!).  And I put a sign up saying people could contribute as they wish, and to feel free to pick a few leaves or sprigs at will :)

If you are of a more OCD nature (I can sympathize!), there are ways to bring your Tupperware collection to maturity if you feel like you need a new system of organization.  I recently purchased 7 of these Sterilite Segmented Tupperware containers (link:  HERE) so that I can have my lunch in one (protein and carb in the small sections, veggies in the large one), and then my other snacks which I used to put in individual containers in the other (fruits, nuts, veggies, you name it!)  It's a great space saver :)

5.  Ear buds:  The bane of my existence.

The situation:  Ear buds:  The most unholy of holies in my gym bag.  What would I do without them?  A workout is absolutely impossible without having Britney Spears coo her sinful thoughts directly into my brain ;)  [Great, now I have the Womanizer reel stuck in my head!]

The problem:  How frustrating are these little snakes??? They get tangled into knots an Eagle Scout couldn't even manage, not to mention that apparently my ears sweat more than the average bear because I tend to short circuit at least one of the buds after the first couple months and then all of the sudden I am left with listening to Britney in one ear and some woman on the other speaking to "Deloris" about the audacity of what Paula said last night during book club while she is only working out on like a LEVEL TWO intensity on the elliptical next to me (not judging, but seriously? You'd get a better workout gabbing on the phone while walking around the block outside.)

On the brighter side.... Well, the bright side is that we have music AT ALL.  I could no less spend an hour on the step mill listening to the heavy breathing of a man-beast next me than I could spend an equal amount of time watching water boil.  I will take my one-sided ear buds ANYDAY over that misery!  But anyway, when it comes to having sweaty ears, I have a GREAT solution - YURBUDS!  Yurbuds (website HERE) are custom-designed for athletes.  They are this rubber thing (that's a technical term, mind you) that squeezes over a traditional ear bud, which does one a several things:  First of all, being rubber, it protects any sweat from getting into your ear bud and breaking it.  The rubber also offers a form of friction which keeps your ear bud in place instead of sliding out during your vicious hill-running HIIT cardio days.

I recently purchased these Ironman ear buds with built in Yurbud covers for only $29.99 at Target (Link to product HERE) which have the added benefit of having a component to the ear wrap-around feature that is customize-able to the fit of your ear by bending them similar to how we used to contort those new age Barbie Doll legs into unnatural positions back in the 80's so that Ken could come and "un-break" Dolphin-Trainer Barbie's leg from the boating accident she was in while trying to rescue Flipper.  (Not sure what I'm talking about?  Well, not all of us were born creative geniuses....) ;) Suffice it to say the soft rubber ear wrap-around has a strong, pliable wire on the inside that allows you to make the fit snug or loose depending on your ear shape, and contributing to comfort and reliability.

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While there are several other fiascos we fitness junkies must deal with (ever lose the scoop to your protein powder mix?  Or have a Blender Bottle erupt on you while shaking it cuz you didn't close the lid all the way?), I feel like the above challenges have been the most unforgettably forgettable "problems" I've encountered thus far.  I'm sure there will be more to come.  Perhaps I will consider putting a support group together for us "victims".  :D

And then the doctor confirms you have a tumor in your breast.

"Anything is possible.  You can be told you have a 90% chance or a 50% chance or a 1% chance, but you have to believe, and you have to fight." -- Lance Armstrong

Yesterday I woke up at 4:45am.  I put on some flip flops and a bikini, drove to the beach, and walked to the sand barefoot into the crisp chill of a foggy summer morning.  It was dawn, but I couldn't see the sun; it was enveloped in a thick marine layer.  The air smelled particularly salty, with the faint smell of decomposing seaweed that had washed up from the California kelp beds not too far off shore.  I stood on top of a man-made dune just before it dropped down to the shoreline and paused for a moment.  Then I set the timer on my watch, and began running due south.

I set out on a 10k in the deep sands of Santa Monica that I normally reserve for my Friday evening cardio workout.  I love this run, but I only do it once a week to prevent getting bored of it as it is an incredible cross-training workout. I finished in 1:19:36 (a solid finish), having burned about 835 kcal in the process.

When I was done, I stood for a moment at Lifeguard Tower #26 and looked out to the great Pacific ocean, hoping for some profound thought or deafening clarity to overcome me.  Instead, all I found was  my lower lip trembling and my eyes wanting to cry, but my body being too exhausted to even put the effort into expressing emotion.  I wasn't exhausted physically, persay; I rather was exhausted from constantly being emotional about the medical exam I had coming up later that day.  It was the day of my ultrasound to figure out what that lump in my breast was, and while most of me was convinced I was fine, there was a strong presence within my very soul that felt like yesterday was the day I was going to wake up and then kill time before learning whether or not I had cancer.

How did this happen?  Not six days ago, I was a normal 20-something year old who was focused on increasing the amount of weight in my next face-off with the Seated Row machine.  Breast cancer was nowhere on my radar - I mean, possibly in the future, anything can happen.  But now?  No way.  But last Thursday,  during my pap smear, there my doctor was hanging over me with a skillfully-blank face, telling me she felt something.  Five days later and there I was, on the beach before the sun had risen, hoping for enlightenment as I licked my lips and wondered if the saltiness was from the sea, or from my sweat, or from the tears I wished would flow in hopes of reconciling some sort of catharsis with the numbness I found myself in.

I had a couple breakdowns at work as I waited till noon for my mom to pick me up for my appointment.  It wasn't necessarily out of fear, but out of pure exhaustion.  What I didn't expect to happen was have my OBGYN call me with my pap results:  as I feared, they came back showing signs of cervical dysplaysia.  So already, at 10am -- a full 3 hours before I learned the fate of my breasts -- I was scheduling a colposcopy with my OBGYN to figure out if surgery was needed on the other end of my body.  Is there no end in sight for this?  I tried to remind myself, though, that I've been living with this for 6 years and was still alive and well; I know the drill for my cervix, so best not to stress about it.  Cry because of heartbreak over it?  Yes. But fear?  Not now.

I sat in the waiting room of the Breast Imaging center for 50 minutes before they finally called me in.  By then I was starving, even MORE exhausted, and stressed to the point of angered tears.  Still, I maintained my composure until the doctor squeezed that lube onto my chest and began scanning it with the ultrasound wand.  I looked over briefly at the screen and then immediately turned my head away.  I couldn't bare the sight of it all.  In that one moment, it became real.  Because the doctor was seeing exactly what my OBGYN felt, and he took careful time - what felt like an eternity! - scanning it over and over.  Announcing to the physican's assistant the coordinates of how large the mass was.  "It extends from here [brief pause] all the way to here."

So much time passed.  I think that's why it became real.  I suppose I expected it to last just moments and they would easily identify that it was either one thing or another.  But the doctor took his time.  He paused for several minutes on one location, and then another.  I had plenty of time to visualize what this moment was going to be like, but I couldn't anticipate the wave of surreality come over and that tightness in my chest similar to a panic, or perhaps an adrenaline overdose like the kind where you were speeding a bit and then saw a cop in your rear-view mirror and thought he was going to pull you over until you saw him change lanes at the last minute.  Tears streamed down my face when I realized he was using his education to try to determine what this mass was - the answer didn't jump out at him.  It wasn't easy.  It required analysis, and proper doctoring.  There was something wrong.

When it was over, he told me he *thought* he knew what it was.  The words came out so quick and all I was waiting to hear was either "cancer", "biopsy" or "benign".  I couldn't' listen to anything else.  He explained in laments terms that what I had was similar to the concept of a mole - an abnormal growth of normal tissue.  He mentioned that these are common in other areas of the body, such as the liver.  Then he said it:  It was a tumor, but this variety is usually completely safe.

I froze for a moment.  Words were trying to come out but they got stuck in my throat, and so I let out an exasperated sob while looking straight into his eyes.  The thought crossed my mind of how many times he has seen this face I was giving him - one of relief, or one of pure terror; they were one and the same.  How many times has he had to deliver this news?  How did it affect him?  And why was I thinking of him so much???

His instructions to me where to carefully monitor it over the next 6 months and schedule a follow-up diagnostic ultrasound in December.  So I made my appointment, and walked out in a complete daze.  I can't say I felt relieved, because it wasn't the super harmless cyst I had expected.  It was, after all, a tumor.  I have a tumor in my breast. That's enough to make any woman anxious.

This morning, I woke up feeling normal until I remembered the events of yesterday, and it dragged me down into some gloom again.  Perhaps if my pap results had come back clean, I would feel different.  But I took the initiative of calling the Breast Screening center again, and asking more detailed questions that I couldn't ask yesterday due to an extreme case of discombobulation ;)  I asked for my clinical diagnosis, and for my charts and ultrasound images to be sent to me.  The latter will be mailed ot my house next week, and I promise to post an ultrasound image of Clementine (the name I have affectionately given my lump) :D

The clinical diagnosis given to me is a Breast Hamartoma.  Hamartomas are described as the following:

"A hamartoma (from Greek hamartion “bodily defect”) is a benign (noncancerous) tumorlike malformation made up of an abnormal mixture of cells and tissues found in areas of the body where growth occurs. It is considered a developmental error and can occur at a number of sites. A nonneoplastic mass can also arise in this way; therefore, misdiagnosis is possible, as is subsequent overtreatment with its added morbidity and mortality. Developmental remnants may be considered hamartomatous if they form discrete tumor-like masses" (source HERE)

This is NOT an image of my ultrasound - just one of a breast hamartoma I got off the internet.  But this is exactly what I imagine mine looks like - oval, smooth and soft.  Mine seems to be about the size of a quarter of my palm, although I bet it's much smaller than that in real life.

Of course, however, I did extensive research on them, and while they are considered benign and safe, many can evolve into carcinomas.  I've read that breast hamartomas are particularly rare, and I had to ask myself - why didn't my doctor order a biopsy, just to be sure?  He said his suspicion was that I had had this for years, and it went unnoticed.  Hamartomas occur usually during early development (or, in my case, puberty) since the abnormal growth usually grows in relation to the growth of normal surrounding tissues.  Last time I checked, I've been a fully developed woman for nearly 10 years.  Unless my ladies are planning a late-life growth spurt (wouldn't that be nice!), there is no growth of the normal tissues happenin' around there.  And this thing ain't no small little peanut.  So even if it is a harmless Hamartoma, why is it growing?  Am I the only one who sees a problem in the fact that I have a growing tumor in my boob??

Anyway.  I called my OBGYN today and asked her to get a hold of my reports and offer me a second opinion.  She is more of a less invasive doctor who prefers to avoid over-treatment when necessary, but according to my research, Hamartomas are somewhat difficult to diagnosis, even during biopsy.  So I think she may see the benefit, if anything but to ease my mind given that I have a cervical issue I am trying to address - by ordering a fine needle aspiration cytology (FNAC), which is a small needle they shove just to the edge of the mass, to collect superficial cells for analysis.  I am confident knowing I have an appointment on the books with her already in 2 weeks, which is plenty of time for her to get my charts (which take a week for the Breast Center to finalize) and review prior to my consultation.

But at this point, I at least know one thing - that an obvious cancer is NOT in my breast.  That is very hopeful :)  And my cervix?  Well, the dysplaysia came back as Low Grade Squamous Intraepitheleal Lesions, which is the mildest form of cervical cell abnormality there is, so I have some comfort in that, too.  Doc said she hopes the biopsy is perceived as nothing other than an annoyance to me, since she's doing it mostly just to get a look at the area to re-establish a new baseline, and to determine if the areas of question are something to worry about, or just let go for another 6 months to see if they resolve themselves.

So for now, I will breathe easy.  I will continue living my life and enjoying each day as the blessing it is; I will continue hating abdominal exercises, I will continue seeking new music for my cardio playlists, and I will continue planning my meals and having an embarrassing amount of fun with my new Tupperware with  separated compartments.  Onward and Upward!

Here's a little music video I made to a beautiful cover of Sia's song, "Titanium".  It was designed to be encouragement for people facing obstacles while they pursued their dreams.  But now?  I find it to be encouraging for ordinary people just trying to survive the onslaught of maladies we all try to dodge in this crazy, crazy world.

That time when you go in for a routine pap smear and the doctor tells you she found a lump in your breast.

“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” – Isak Dinesen

There comes a point in all of our lives where we are tested.  It is inevitable.  And most all of us know, whether from practical reasoning or first-hand experience, that it is only through trials that we can truly grow as individuals.

Some trials are inherently more damaging than others, though.  Some of us are put through the fire and lose everything; not a single thing in our lives is untouched, and we come out appearing completely different than when we first went in.  Those who never let their wounds heal, become jaded and marred; they are full of darkness, and sorrowful anger and bitterness overcome them.  Those who embrace the storm, however, and accept it, tend to reveal a gold within them that shines forth as an example onto others.  We call those people 'survivors'.

There are a great many things I've shared on this blog already that I had no intention of.  But when it came to explaining why I was doing what I was doing - eating clean, finally getting into shape, battling certain emotions or facing certain challenges and the feelings associated with them - I found it necessary to explain who I was, in order to make sense of who I wanted to be.  And then, to take it a step further, I began to wonder who else was like me, or going thru a similar predicament, or who had a similar past, and was trying to find enlightenment through the shared experiences of others.  Lord knows, I have been (and continue to be) that person! How many times have I gone onto google with such a specific question, and pulled up countless blogs authored by people I did not know, and whom I would likely never meet, but yet their courage to share a personal story contributed to my own knowledge, outlook, and general approach to handling whatever given situation I was in?

It is because of this that I write today about something new that I am facing, and how I will NOT let it affect my fitness journey.

I have written in the past about how I suffered cardiac arrest when I was 19 due to extreme electrolyte imbalances caused by several years of severe eating disorders.  I have written about how I have since experienced pretty strong (and scary!) episodes of PVCs and PACs occasionally.  I have written about my IBS (and in fact, it was through my facebook page and blog that I have grown comfortable with being open and talking to people about my disorder; it was always a topic of shame to me in the past).  And last week, I revealed on my facebook page that on Christmas Eve of 2006, I was diagnosed with a form of cervical pre-cancer (High Grade Squamous Intraepitheleal Lesions ~ HSIL).

I'd like to give a little back drop to that before I get into the topic d'jour.  I got my original HSIL diagnosis as just part of a routine annual pap smear when I was 20 years old on winter break from school.  I needed the pap to get my pill prescription renewed, which I took to combat extreme hormonal fatigue I get for like 2.5 weeks out of the month without it.  Otherwise, I was sexually inactive and focused on sports and classes, not on boys and relationships.  I tested negative for HPV, and had already received the Gardasil vaccine against HPV, anyway.  No family history of cervical disorders.  Didn't smoke, didn't drink, and exercised regularly.  In terms of risk factors, I was completely off the map.

Since my original diagnosis, I have had one surgery and several small out-patient procedures.  When you get an abnormal pap reading, the first thing you do is go in for a colposcopy.  It sounds scary, but your cervix actually has no nerve endings so you don't ever feel what they do - the only thing you feel is a cramping in your abdominal muscles in response to the procedure which feels like minor period cramps, so they tell you to take a dose of advil prior to the procedure to relax your muscles (I prefer 600 mg of Ibuprofen, taken with food).  They first go in and swab your cervix with a vinegar solution which, under a black light, reveals areas of deformed cervical tissue.  Then a small biopsy sample is taken from that area and examined under a microscope to reveal the extent of disease.  Sometimes it is nothing, or so minimal that your body can heal itself without you ever having to do anything further than the colposcopy.  If not, there are several procedures that can be done to address the situation.

My first surgery was the LEEP procedure, which I elected to be anesthetized for (which is not necessary).  I was just out of my mind with fear though, and knew it was in the best interest of my mental health.  They located the diseased spots on my cervix, and used an electricity-heated coil to literally scoop out the whole diseased sections of my cervix.  The heat of the coil simultaneously cauterized any blood flow.  A gauze-like material was placed over my cervix to help with healing and preventing infection, which naturally broke away from my cervix a few days later and worked it's way out of my body much like a period flow would.

After that procedure, I went in for pap smears every 4 months for a year.  If they all came back fine, I would go every 6 months the following year, and then once annually like everyone else.  But my last pap of the first year came back again with HSIL, and so I had another colposcopy, and this time I had cryotherapy done.  Have you ever had a wart on your finger which you had a doctor freeze off using liquid nitrogen?  It's essentially the same thing.  They just froze the diseased cells on my cervix which killed them, and they naturally disposed of themselves thereafter.  Easy peasy.  I stayed awake for the procedure, and it felt and lasted just as long as a normal pap.  NOTHING TO FEAR :)

I had cryotherapy done 3 times.  Since then, I have gotten many abnormal pap smears but my new OB/GYN has me wait 6 months and get retested before doing any treatment, to see if my body is capable of fighting off the diseased tissue on it's own. 3 times this has happened successfully. 

The last time I got an abnormal pap was exactly one year ago.  I waited 6 months and ironically, on Christmas Eve of 2011, I was told my pap came back negative for any abnormalities.  Which meant that if I could get thru my next pap in 6 months without any abnormalities, I could go back to just once a year having a pap.  I got the test done last thursday, and am in a knot of anxiety as each day goes by.  My doctor said that she will have the results back within a week, and if they are clear, she will not call me.  So in other words, no news is good news.

But all of that said, a former soccer friend of mine had recently posted on facebook that his sister - only 31 years old, and a mother of 3 - was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer. I couldn't remember the last time I had a breast exam (a year ago?) so when I went in for my pap, I asked my OB/GYN to perform one.  I'll admit I don't examine myself as frequently as I should, but when I do, I've focused on just feeling for pea-sized rocks, or else to feel that my breasts felt uniform and similar to one another.  All good on that end!

As my doctor was examining me though, she paused and said, "Oh.  You have something here." 

No thoughts or feelings or emotions went thru my head.  I felt no fear, no shock, no worry.  She said, "Feel this.  Do you feel that?  It's about the size of a half-dollar."  I felt where she placed my finger tips - on the inner part of my breast, near my heart and sternum, away from my arm pits where I usually focused my own self-exams on.  "No, I don't feel anything.." I said. She pressed my fingers firmly onto the spot and that's when I felt it.  It was broad, flat and large - not that round pebble I had always felt for.  She was very matter-of-fact about it, which was calming to me, but as I thought about it later, she is probably trained to deliver this news stoically and nonchalantly so as not to spurn mass panic in patients.  She said that it felt like a cyst because it was softer than typically tumorous masses, but that she couldn't tell for certain, so it was important to schedule an appointment for an ultrasound.

Within minutes I had a diagnostic form in my hand that had already been faxed to a nearby Breast Health Imagining facility, and was told to call them right away as they were awaiting my call.  I called, and by then I was in a state of deep sorrow and utter disbelief.  It was shock - not the good kind that makes you go numb, but rather the bad kind that has you breathing heavily and thinking to yourself, "I'm too young for this; this can't be happening."  I couldn't believe the words I was uttering; I even choked on my own silent tears when giving my date of birth to the woman, and confirming that yes, given my age, I had not had a mammogram yet.  It was like something out of a sad movie.  Or a country song. Or a nightmare.

So here it is, Monday evening.  My ultrasound is less than 24 hours away, and I'm trying to focus on my work but I can't.  I have spoken to MANY many people who have told me they have had a friend or family member go through the same thing, or that they themselves have experienced it, and it's no big deal.  It turned out to be nothing - a benign cyst, a calcification, etc.  I'm young, I'm healthy, I should have nothing to fear.  I love my coffee and I've read caffeine can cause cysts; my hormones have been a bit off-kilter since changing my diet and exercise routines and losing weight, and I've read hormones can cause cysts; I play a lot of sports and can think of various times I've had a guy spike a volleyball straight into my chest, so maybe that could have caused some sort of trauma.  But all of these explanations do nothing to calm my fears, or help me with wanting to eat comfort food or skip the gym.

A couple months ago I wrote a blog entry about those days when you feel like you're at the bottom of the barrel and can't seem to find any hope or motivation to keep pushing onward.  The entry was called "Dieting is an Exhausting Mental Feat (Motivation for the Hard Days Ahead)"

At the very end, I wrote a paragraph that is resonating with me now.  My own words, written while I was still riding high and motivation was a breeze for me, are now helping to lift me up in this difficult time.  I have a full workout planned for today, but I am exhausted, especially mentally and spiritually.  In that paragraph, I wrote the following:

"What is life though, really? Were we ever told that none of the aforementioned tragedies would ever happen to us? Or that they would happen to us, but not to others? I'll tell you now, EVERYbody is in pain. Everybody has a worry. The day I was told I had cervical dysplasia and had to get a biopsy to tell me how invasive it was, I had every reason to not go to the gym. I had every reason to spend that day immersed in as many happy relaxing thoughts and environments as possible, indulge in as many treats as I wanted. But I didn't, I went to the gym and my tears were masked by the sweat pouring down my forehead. This is life, and these things happen, but as long as you're alive, there is still hope. And even when there isn't hope, there is the satisfaction of never giving up. Life's real dreams are the ones that can be realized only by waking up, not by drifting back into catatonic nonexistence."

So I am here to say that today is one of those days where there is not a single fiber of my being that wants to go to the gym.  I haven't slept well in days, I've already cried twice at work (the deep, heaving cries that leave you in a state of cathartic fogginess for hours), I overate a little to compensate for my exhaustion, and all I want to do is go home and watch something on Netflix in cozy pajamas and eat a bowl of ice cream and take a dose of Nyquil and knock out.

But I am not going to.  Because this is life, and these things happen, but as long as I am alive, there is still hope.  And even if I find out tomorrow the worst case scenario, there is still hope in the fight, and the satisfaction that I never gave up.  I've been through too much in my life to be a quitter now; I consider myself a survivor, and I have big shoes to fill if I'm going to keep that title.  Not to mention, if I give up on myself now, what sort of message will that send to me?  That I'm not capable of fighting, or rallying through challenging times?  What sort of precedent would that set?  An hour and 45 minutes of the toughest workout I can crank out, where I put all of my fear and anger and confusion and saddness and anxiety on the pyre and sacrifice it to the Gym Gods will do me so much more good than 6 hours of sogging on the couch to Sex & The City re-reuns while sharing my bowl of some overly-sugared processed frozen dairy product with the ever-present flow of my own tears.  Oh, and then the guilt I'll feel tomorrow!

It may take a lot more energy and strength to make this workout happen, but it is happening.  Because even when there isn't hope, there is still the satisfaction in never giving up.  That is where the growth happens.  That is where the human spirit shines.

Bacon Cheddar Ranch Dip: A Clean-Eater's Nightmare

I'm at that stage in my clean-eating journey where most people have accepted the simple fact that I am a changed person - this is no longer just a passing phase or a temporary fad; it is a whole lifestyle renaissance.

As such, I routinely have people consult me about questions they have, particularly "which is healthier?" type questions.  Suddenly, I have renewed sympathy for all of those parents out there who have a 12-month old child and are suddenly sought out as an authority on child-rearing by the next wave of preggers mamas.  I've been eating clean for only 21 weeks… is that enough to be an authority?  I definitely will say no, but if I can stray from the topic for a moment, I can't believe how much I have learned in such a short period of time!  I am no expert, but I am well on my way to developing an all-new intuitive sense toward foods and products that makes checking labels less tedious, as my 6th Sense of Food Avoidance is reaching maturity rather nicely :)

In any event, I had one of those moments where I wanted to beat my head against a concrete wall when a friend of mine - who eats pretty healthy most of the time, and is active, and who I would have considered a clean eater prior to my starting this journey and learning all that it entails - approached me with a great smile on her face.  You see, she had decided she wanted to start eating clean "like me" too, and was holding on very tightly to the couple of rules of thumb I had taught her about clean eating.  In particular:

1) Shop the perimeter of grocery stores and avoid the middle aisles
2) Nothing canned, boxed or processed, when possible.
3) If you are buying something with ingredients, make sure there are 5 or less and you understand what each ingredient is.

In any event, she proclaimed to me, "Look what I found! This stuff is DELICIOUS and it's CLEAN!"

I took one look and knew something was askew.  I asked her why she thought it was a "clean" food item.  Her response?  It only had "three ingredients".  Here is a picture of the product she was showing me:

Bacon.  Cheddar.  Ranch.  Was there ever a time prior to my clean-eating mission that I thought these three words somehow equated to only 3 ingredients in a processed and packaged dairy product?  Good grief.

FAUX PAUS NOTICE:  For all of you newbie clean-eaters, do not let the title of the product fool you for the ingredients of it.  What are the ingredients of this seemingly 3-ingredent product?  Here, let me share the PARAGRAPH with you:

As can be scene in the picture, there are a minimum of eleventy hundred ingredients in this product.

Now, here's what makes matters worse, and intermediate clean eaters must beware:  this is a Trader Joe's product.  Back in the beginning, when I just started out with clean eating, places like Trader Joe's and Whole Foods could do no wrong in my eyes.  I thought everything on the inside of their fancy establishments, with wood floors and earthy tones, was clean, healthy, and organic.  And while that is more the case than other stores, it doesn't necessarily mean ALL of their products are clean.  Expeller-pressed canola oil,  xantham gum, "savory flavoring", cultured dextrose…. what even are any of these?

According to Wikipedia, "Xanthan gum is a polysaccharide, derived from the bacterial coat of Xanthomonas campestris, used as a food additiveand rheology modifier,^[2] commonly used as a food thickening agent (in salad dressings, for example) and a stabilizer (in cosmetic products, for example, to prevent ingredients from separating). It is produced by the fermentation of glucose,sucrose, or lactose by the Xanthomonas campestris bacterium. After a fermentation period, the polysaccharide is precipitated from a growth medium with isopropyl alcohol, dried, and ground into a fine powder. Later, it is added to a liquid medium to form the gum.^[3]"  

So… a processed byproduct of bacteria and sugar. Awesome!

As for the expeller-pressed canola oil bit, check out this free streaming 15-minute podcast about canola oil and why it (and other Omega-3 fatty acid oils) are bad bad baaaaaaad to cook with, especially after they have been thru the "expeller" process.  VIDEO LINK HERE.

As for "Savory Flavorings", one can only guess.  Even "natural flavorings" aren't neessarily safe! See this TODAY.com article which discusses "natural flavorings".  Specifically, 

"The definition of natural flavor under the Code of Federal Regulations is: “the essential oil, oleoresin, essence or extractive, protein hydrolysate, distillate, or any product of roasting, heating or enzymolysis, which contains the flavoring constituents derived from a spice, fruit or fruit juice, vegetable or vegetable juice, edible yeast, herb, bark, bud, root, leaf or similar plant material, meat, seafood, poultry, eggs, dairy products, or fermentation products thereof, whose significant function in food is flavoring rather than nutritional” (21CFR101.22).

Certainly a mouthful!"

As for "Cultured Dextrose", this is a pre-digested sugar exposed to a certain bacteria, which results in chemical byproducts that serve as anti-microbials.  They may not be laboratory chemicals, but a preservative is a preservative.  Clean eating is all about NO PRESERVATIVES.

Not to put Trader Joe's on blast or anything, but this short blog entry is just to serve as an extra reminder to be very wary of what foods you buy, even when at health stores.  Taken from Trader Joe's very own website, they describe this product as such: 

"Bacon Cheddar Ranch Dip is just what it claims to be: a sour cream based ranch dip with plenty of cheddar cheese shreds and ample amounts of uncured applewood smoked bacon (please see above). Most commercial Ranch Dips are loaded with MSG – not ours. Ours is made with no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives, including MSG. The sour cream and cheese are made with milk from cows not treated with rBST, and the bacon is free of added nitrites or nitrates. You could almost call it health food. Almost."

Sorry to get technical, but this statement is false.  According to LIVESTRONG (source HERE), foods containing cultured dextrose CANNOT be labeled as preservative-free.  In my research, I came upon many other cases of "health foods" claiming to be preservative free, while still containing cultured dextrose.  Example:  "Don't Get Fresh(er) with Me" where the author writes about a Trader Joe's hummus and says, 

“Cultured dextrose (for added freshness).” I’m sorry, what? I need something to “add freshness” to my       hummus? As far as I know, you can’t add freshness. And check out what’s right above it: “No artificial colors, flavors or preservatives.” OK, so what is cultured dextrose if not one of the above, a natural preservative perhaps?"

Of course, a by-product to being religiously strict with a clean diet is that eventually, it all becomes common sense.  Even if that package were to say "Ranch Dip" only, I would expect to see at least 20 ingredients, of which at least a couple were on my Most Wanted (or perhaps Least Wanted????) list.

All of this to say, be mindful of your labels until you feel confident with your 'health radar' and your own knowledge of the safety and acceptability of certain ingredients, based on your needs and dietary guidelines.  DO NOT just blindly trust stores, or product labels, to educate you on just how natural, organic, or preservative-free your foods are.  Only you can determine the validity of that.

Progress photos, June challenges, and ummm, hello! My first volleyball tourney of the season!!

Progress update time!!

Well, I have to confess; I'm not sure I'm pushing myself as hard as I should be.  I know for a fact that lasting and meaningful results will take time, but I didn't realize that patience meant more than just "staying the course" in a steady fashion; I'm learning that the body needs time to recover, and that pushing myself to the limits needs to come in fits and phases.

The first four months of my transformation were hot and heavy - everything was a challenge or a goal to meet.  But then it got to the point where challenging myself any further, would result in injury.  I have felt abnormal fatigue, hunger spells, an increase in PVCs and then recently, a horrible breakthrough period despite being only 8 days into my new pill pack.

I listen to my body eagerly.  I know it well, and I know when things are wrong.  I usually inherently know what I need to do (or not do) to address the situation, remedy it, and get back on course.  This time around, it has been allowing a few hundred more calories per day (all in the form of fruits or protein).  I also took an alternative approach to my workouts by taking a week off of weights (to rest an elbow injury) and switching up my cardio.  I backed off of doing the stairs in favor of beach sand runs… and for that matter, I stopped doing HIIT entirely.  But my energy is back up, my appetite is back in control, my muscles feel fresh, my insomnia is gone, and my mystery period will be addressed by a new pill prescription next month.

So with all of that said, June is going to be a month of big pushes!  I was recently inspired to make monthly goals to keep myself motivated during these dreaded middle months where plateaus abound and struggles increase in my efforts to really squeeze in those finishing touches - losing those last 5-10lbs of fat & increasing my muscle mass by 5-10lbs.  My diet is clean, but I really need to commit to my meal plans.  There is no point in making a specific calorie and macronutrient meal plan if I'm going to not eat some of the things I pack (usually veggies) and replace them with other things (fruit, and sometimes a whole additional protein bar.)  I've also been drinking a glass of wine a couple nights a week which absolutely WILL stop this month, and I've been eating at the Whole Foods food bar to avoid dinner boredom, which also needs to stop.  The reason I've backed off of vegetables is because my IBS has been on overtime - there is something I am eating that is really irritating my system.  I fear to say it's quinoa, so I'm going to switch that out this month and try a half cup of brown rice instead, and see what happens.

Aside from all of that, it all boils down to me needing to understand that the next month will be miserable (if that's the way I choose to experience it) in the realm of diet - I will need to pass up on almost all of those amazing fruit sales at the store, continue to eat my plain boneless skinless chicken breast with lemon and salt with steamed broccoli for lunch and egg whites with pepper and green beans for dinner.  Chew it, swallow it, and find satisfaction in how much better my clothes will fit tomorrow.

Summer time is the worst to be on a strict diet, when margaritas after a day of volleyball are SO inviting, and grilled short ribs at parties lure you with the promise of lasting nourishment.  Satisfaction must be found in other places.  When hunger strikes, water must be chugged, tennis shoes must be put on, and a grateful walk thru the streets of Santa Monica must be had.  The dissatisfaction will wane when the amazement that dreams CAN be exacted, is meditated on and accepted as an alternative to food-based pleasure.

So with that said, here are the "updates d'jour":
1.  My First Volleyball Tournament of the Season!
My volleyball partner Missy and I competed in our first CBVA of the season.  We lost in the semi-finals, and I have to admit I feel responsible for the loss; I was exhausted and had over-exerted myself earlier in the day, and had no energy to finish strong when it really mattered.  But these are the lessons we need to learn, just as any athlete must - how to pace oneself, how to keep mental focus and clarity…. the right mixture of stoic competitiveness and amicable friendliness.  We know what we need to work on, and I'm excited about our future in the sport this season!  Pictures to be posted soon.

2.  June challenges!!
My first monthly challenge! And it's two-fold.  The first part is that I vow to ride my bike to work Monday-Thursday of each week this month.  This is major, considering as how I have so much shit to cart around, and it will mean having to wake up 20 minutes earlier each day.  But I am committed! Plus I need to save money on gas haha :)  The second part of my challenge is to take an update photo every day for the month of June, and then I will compile it into a video to the tune of my fave inspirational song.  The past couple days have been rough cuz I've been bloated with my mystery extra period, but whatever.  Hopefully with increased diligence on my diet, really pushing myself in my workouts and drinking plenty of water, I'll be good.

3.  PROGRESS PHOTOOOOSSS!
So, here are the updates:

My weight is down to 138.5, which technically is only 3.5lbs away from my goal! But I still have SO much subcutaneous fat in my midsection.  But I also have a lot of muscle weight to gain so I'm not sure what my final number really will be.  Who cares :)  This photo was taken the 3rd day of Week 17.

WEEK 16 - EXHIBIT A:  I am officially too skinny for my skinniest skinny jeans :D  Which, for the record, is a damn shame, since they are neon green and fabulous.  Yet another casualty to the eat-clean diet ;)

WEEK 17 - In my stupid un-matching outfit… 

WEEK 18 - Exhibit B:  New bikini -- bottoms are a size EXTRA SMALL! :-O Obviously they run little, and this may be an unfortunate testament to the fact that my booty may have shrunk a little, but who cares :)

WEEK 19 - EXHIBIT C:  Swedish colors.  Vi alskar sverige :)

(Still week 19) - Exhibit D:  Nothing to really report here, just a snap shot of my daily photo shoot from yesterday (day 2 of my June challenge).

So those are my updates this time around.  I plan on re-inventing my workout schedule soon, and so I'll post that when I do.  I'll also sart posting pics of my volleyball tournaments and such, woo-hoo!