"Dieting can be an exhausting mental feat." (Motivation for the hard days now and ahead)

So today, I'm dealing with the problem of wanting to eat more because I don't feel mentally satisfied.

And it isn't just today, it's a LOT of the time :/

I think this is a struggle a lot of us deal with.  I mean, after all, food is such an emotional tool.  We eat when we're bored, when we're sad, when we're happy.  We eat for comfort, we eat for holidays, we eat because someone brought in a box of donuts to work that have been sitting in the break room calling our names with alluring gentleness.  And when we are on a diet, it doesn't matter how much motivation we have; there will just be those days where temptation is stronger than others, where our strength to fight the good fight seems daunting compared to our desire to relax and indulge without abandon.

Dieting can be an exhausting mental feat.  But if we can overcome these moments of weakness, they make us so much stronger!

Regardless of whatever inspiration I cling to today, the simple fact of the matter is I am slightly miserable today.  My morning bowl of oatmeal is really the only grain I allow myself each day.  All other forms of carbohydrate come from fruit, veggies and dairy.  I don't eat breads or pastas or rice.  I don't bake (and processed foods are out of the question) and I don't keep any goodies in the house.  For me, not even "out of sight, out of mind" works; once it's in the mind, it stays there :/

I so badly want to go and make a whole double serving more of oatmeal and eat it for nothing other than the comfort of the feeling of fullness.  Not to say I'm hungry - I'm quite full!  But the taste and the texture and the warmth that oatmeal brings with it's earthy grainy-ness and slight Stevia-induced sweetness, and that rush of feel-good feelings that hits the brain as the body begins to flow with glycogen and insulin and other hormones.... that is what I want.

But of course, I've come much too far, and endured much to much, to ever cave in. 

I'd like to reflect, though, on the times this feeling came around in my past dieting attempts, when I WASN'T successful at fighting them.  What is different now versus then?  Why is my motivation stronger now than it ever was before?  I believe the answer lies in the fact that this is a kamikaze mission of sorts for me.  After all, the whole reason I took on this project to commit to a clean diet and rigorous fitness routine, was because I was tired of half-assing myself; I want to prove to myself - NEED to prove to myself - that I am capable of giving 100% to something.  I know I am stronger than I give myself credit for, and I'm tired of making excuses that I am mentally weak.  I don't have to be weak if I don't want to; I can be strong and achieve goals I never imagined.  I just need to teach myself how.

But there are other things; Pure motivation helped me thru the first 4 weeks of my diet.  In my opinion, those are the most lethal weeks.  The first week can sometimes be easy if you're highly motivated.  But by the second week, you are exhausted, you are aware of your misery and the temptation, and you realize what a long haul you have ahead of yourself.  If you can survive week 2, week 3 can be a better if you can resist the urge to "reward yourself" for surviving the first two weeks.  My advice? AVOID REWARDS IN THE FIRST MONTH AT ALL COST.  They will set you up for failure!  One reward too many and the guilt settles in, and you haven't toughed it out thru enough yet to forgive yourself for a slip up and WHAM! Back you are to surrendering, saying you can't do it, you'll retry another time, or [insert another lame excuse].

But after the first month, that's when less volatile motivation starts coming your way.  You know, the kind that actually can stick with you, and is a real weapon against future temptations.  It's less a feeling, and more of a reality.  You've made it one month, and you've survived a variety of temptations, grueling days, hunger spells, and all the other un-fun things that come with starting a new diet and suffering thru the blood sugar crashes until you figure out which foods work for you at what times of the day to get you thru just fine.  You have a sense of empowerment and belief that this actually could work.  Your body has adjusted and is weaned off of the sugars, caffeine and fatty foods you once depended on to get you thru the day.  You have more energy to get thru your workouts.  You notice cravings subside, your taste buds change, and a sense of interest and excitement fills you for what kind of new meals you can cook using different foods with different flavors, and OMG your fat pants are too big and you're fitting into clothes you used to be too large for!  Instead of treating yourself to food, you find yourself treating yourself to new clothes.  It's a whole different high, and your enslavement to food rapidly begins to loosen its grip.

2 weeks later the scale continues to budge, people start making comments, and you start feeling beautiful; not because you look better on the outside, but because you realize you are treating your body with the respect you have known all along it deserves.  And you feel powerful, SO powerful and unstoppable that you begin challenging yourself to other goals that used to just be dreams or impossibilities.  Those become your fuel.

And the good just keeps coming; it never becomes less good.  The more you stick to the commitment, the better it is.  No one has ever committed to a nutrition and fitness program and ended up with results that were so good that they suddenly became undesirable.  Because even if you achieve the appearance you want, there is always more - there are competitions, races to be won, activities to be tried, mountains in foreign countries to be climbed, and people to bond with.  Experiences to share.  Motivational speeches to be given to the next crop of hopefuls who used to be like you, who would fail in the first weeks and lay convinced that they weren't made for success.  There is always more.

BUT.  This isn't to say there won't be bumps in the road, failures, shortcomings, disappointments.  The key is to know that you and you alone have the power to overcome them.  And I'm not talking about forgiving yourself for a slip-up and getting back on the bandwagon - I'm talking about before the slip-up happens, that moment when you are aware that you are being tempted, that moment when you allow that voice to start justifying an action that you don't want to cave into, but the allure of giving in grows ever deafening. YOU POSSESS THE ABILITY TO WALK AWAY.  TO SAY NO.  The question is, do you want it bad enough?  Can you overcome the mental anguish of constantly fighting desires in your mind and body?  Can you be exhausted but still get your butt on that elliptical, and then on top of that, muster the carnal energy needed to push yourself to a 160BPM heart rate on that machine despite your mind begging to go sit on the couch and zone out?  Can you will yourself to go to sleep at night despite your stomach asking for a tasty treat and a gentle sugar coma to carry you to your dreams?  Can you go out with friends for happy hour and watch them consume beverages and half-off hors d'ouvres but still manage to be happy and social and comfortable with the knowledge that you cannot - WILL not - indulge in these tasty tokens, no matter how badly you want them, for no other reason than that it goes against the goal you have set out to achieve?  And can you ignore the voice that does speak a degree of truth - that a few indulgences here and there aren't all that bad for you - just for the sheer principal that caving into temptation is not an option, that you have put your foot down and promised yourself you would give absolutely everything you had to this mission and no matter how minor the offense, you would JUST SAY NO??

Eric Thomas said that we will only be successful when we want to succeed as bad as we want to breathe.  Have you ever almost drowned, and felt that desperation for a gasp of air?  Nothing will stop you, it is a life-or-death battle.  And that is how we must approach gruelling long term goals.  The only way we will see the end result is if we fight for it like we were fighting for our last breath.  And you CANNOT ease up on it.  It must be ever-present.  Sometimes nutrition and fitness goals are like treading water in the middle of the ocean with a 30 pound weight around your waist.  You can't just arbitrarily decide one day to "take it easy" on your struggle to keep your head above the surface.  If you want to live, you will give everything you have until you make it.  You can't just half-ass a struggle to get to the surface. Sometimes it will come easily and other times you will feel like you've dug as deep down into your core as possible to find strength, so deep that you've reach the bottom like the cold concrete base of a playground sandbox, and yet against all reason you must still dig deeper.  Some days you will be on that treadmill and you're about to start and you are SO weak, all you can think  of is all the other things you need to get done or want to do.  All you can think about is that report that is stressing you out, that bill you're not sure how you're going to pay, that coworker who is threatening to get you fired at work, the transmission you need to get fixed on your car.  One day you may lose your job, or the love of your life might leave you, or your dad might die.  And you will find yourself on that treadmill with a perfectly good excuse to let yourself be weak and tired, let yourself BELIEVE you cannot muster the energy that is required to crush that cardio session.

What is life though, really?  Were we ever told that none of the aforementioned tragedies would ever happen to us?  Or that they would happen to us, but no to others?  I'll tell you now, EVERYbody is in pain.  Everybody has a worry.  The day I was told I had cervical dysplasia and had to get a biopsy to tell me how invasive it was, I had every reason to not go to the gym.  I had every reason to spend that day immersed in as many happy relaxing thoughts and environments as possible, indulge in as many treats as I wanted.  But I didn't, I went to the gym and my tears were masked by the sweat pouring down my forehead.  This is life, and these things happen, but as long as you're alive, there is still hope.  And even when there isn't hope, there is the satisfaction of never giving up.  Life's real dreams are the ones that can be realized only by waking up, not by drifting back into catatonic nonexistence.

Anyway, that's my random stream of consciousness for the day.  Nto really sure if I wrapped it up to any meaningful conclusion, but it certainly achieved my goal of venting my frustration for wanting to eat more oatmeal :D  Now I wanna go workout real hard!

Here was yesterday's Week 10 Weigh-In:

Weight is up a smidge, but body fat percentage is down.  Can't ever full ytrust these machines, but could it be I'm leaning down and adding more muscle mass??