What I Wish I Knew When I First Started #1: How to Size Myself Up

CONGRATULATIONS!  

You've decided to embark on your very own health and fitness journey, and in preparation of the process, you're doing your research.  Sure, it's easy to say, "I want to lose weight."  But, how does one go about doing it?  Where does one even begin?

The first words that probably come to mind are "diet" and "exercise", as they should, but there is so much depth to these generalizations.  We aren't just talking about swapping Snickers for sneakers; we're talking about SCIENCE, man.  Math.  Life.  The human body!  All fascinating subjects.  And as any moderately experienced person can confirm, it is much easier to accomplish something when you understand fully how it all works, so that you can apply that knowledge to your own path.

In this first edition of my "What I Wish I Knew When I First Started" series, I am going to discuss an overview of the following topics:

1. One Basic Definition:  It's not a "DIET", it's a Destination Road Map
2. Taking Measurements:  How to do it, and why it's important
3. Weighing Yourself, and why NOT to do it daily
4. What is "BMI", "BMR" and "RMR"?  And how do they impact my nutrition plan?

And lastly, a topic that people seem to be most concerned about....

    5.  Just tell me how many calories I should be eating!

As a quick aside, I should make it perfectly clear that I am NOT a health or fitness professional.  I have no certifications, and the only education I have is from my own years of self-research, trial and error.  Please consult a health professional before starting any drastic nutrition or fitness program, especially if you have special health considerations.

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One Basic Definition:  It's not a diet, it's a road map

First of all, you need to ditch any preconceptions you have of the word "diet", and all the shame, misery, fear, loathing, anticipation, and unreasonable expectations that come along with it.  For the record, the word "diet" is NOT a synonym for a food intake restriction program aimed at making you hate life and the whole process necessary for achieving the body of your dreams.  According to Webster's Dictionary, the word "diet" was first known to be used in the 13th century.  The origin of the word is Middle English in the form of diete, from the Latin diaeta, and from Greek diaita, which all, quite literally, mean the "manner of living"; and from diaitasthai, meaning "to lead one's life".   In the modern tongue, the word diet is simply "habitual nourishment; what one eats and drinks on a routine basis."

 
All of this is simply to understand the following point:  When we use the term "diet" and "dieting", don't get your panties in a twist.  It's not about restricting food; it's simply all about changing the foods and drinks you routinely consume.  A former trainer of mine once said, "15% of your body is affected by the 2 hours you are in the gym; 85% is affected by the 22 hours you are out of the gym."  While exercise is crucial to your fat loss and muscle gain pursuits, and tremendously improves the utility and overall health of your body, being completely intentional in how and what and when you fuel your body makes the biggest difference.  So from here on out, when we use the term "diet", I want you to think of it less as a millstone around your neck, and more simply as a nutritional road map that is going to get you from Point A to Point B in the most efficient and effective manner possible.

It is inevitable that people will eventually give you shit for "being on a diet".  You will learn to come up with different ways of putting it, therefore, to keep people from being a thorn in your side.  To those who know me, I tell them I am training for [insert fitness goal] and am watching my macronutrients (big words deter people from asking more questions).  To those who don't know me, I just tell them I have food allergies and have to be careful of what I eat.  Done deal.  Learn to be forgiving of people when they try to peer pressure you, or tell you that you don't need to be on a diet, or tell you that you have issues thinking you need to be on a diet; they just don't understand.  And often times, people feel threatened by your healthy eating habits because deep down, they want to pursuit the same goals as you, but they don't have the strength to commit to it (yet).  So don't try to convert them, and ask them to not try to convert you, and soon enough, people will learn to accept your lifestyle change.

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Taking Your Measurements:  How to do it, and why it's important

I didn't take my measurements or a "before" photo when I first started, and it has been my only regret.  I didn't do it because I couldn't bear to see the evidence that I was truly not in the shape I had imagined I was in, the shape I felt I deserved to be.  I was already a competitive athlete when I embarked on this mission, so I couldn't bear to be honest with myself and see how truly far I had to go.

Measurements and "Before" photos are terribly useful when you need them most: When you get a month or two in and feel you have done SO much work, but you aren't yet Hulk Hogan or Pam Anderson (circa 1992).  When you complete the first leg of your journey and find yourself realizing you will need to be patient and keep at it for the long haul, you'll come to a crossroads of needing to renew your vows, so to speak.  This is when I wish I had 'before' photos and measurements.  Had I compared my current stats and progress photos to where I first began, I would have had hard evidence that I was, indeed, progressing.  And when I finished the 2nd leg of my journey and even self-doubt couldn't deny the changes in my appearance and clothing sizes, I would have loved to compare stats and pictures and swim in a moment of well-earned pride.  I would have loved to have had a photo sequence to post on my Fan Page demonstrating that I was 'walking the walking'.  But I think I waited about 3 months before I finally took an honest bikini progress photo, the kind that put it all out there with nothing to hide behind. By then, my results and my journey seemed far less dramatic than they actually were.

So I recommend you take your measurements as detailed below, and snap a couple before photos even if you don't actually look at  them right away.  Just download them onto a safe piece of media, and keep them for later.  Consider it a time capsule you can't wait to crush open in 12 weeks. 
 

How to Take Your Measurements:

Get a measuring tape.  (If you don't have a measuring tape, use string or yarn and then measure the string or yarn against a ruler or yard stick).  It helps to have a friend assist you in your measurements, so grab a buddy you can trust, if possible.  Grab a pen and paper, and list the following categories: Bust, Biceps, Waist, Hips, Thighs, Calves, Height and Weight

Now, it's time to measure these areas:

1. Bust:  Wrap the measuring tape around your body across your nipple line.  Your arms should be down when you are done measuring.  The measuring tape should be pulled neither too tight, nor too lose.  Just comfortably across the skin is sufficient.  Record your measurement.

2. Biceps:  The proper way to measure biceps is to bring your arms up in a traditional bicep curl flexing pose (see photo).  Flex your bicep, and the measurement should be around the apex of your bicep, or else the midway point between the crease of your armpit and the crease of your elbow joint. Record the measurement.

3. Waist:  Waistlines indeed vary amongst men and women, and can sometimes be tricky to determine where to measure.  A good rule of thumb would be to measure the narrowest part of your belly area, which is most always simply the latitude of your belly button.  Do not flex or suck in your stomach.  Just stand regularly and comfortably, like you would if you were standing in line at the grocery store, for instance.

4. Hips:  Your hips should be measured at, generally, the widest point, which is usually in line with your pubic region and is in line with the widest point of your booty.   When you measure that area, stand up straight with your legs together so that your feet are touching.  Do not flex anything while you are measuring.  Just stand normally.

5. Thighs: Your thighs should be measured directly at the midway point between your knee and your "in seam" (your crotch).  Stand with legs hip-width apart with your weight evenly distributed, and measure at this point.  Flexing isn't necessary, as your quads will already be slightly flexed (you are standing up, after all!). 

6. Calves: Calves are the only ambiguous region to be measured, in my opinion.  People's calves apex at different points of there body, so basically what you'll want to do is stand up straight and have your buddy measure the circumference of your calf at the widest point.  Again - no flexing.  Just stand with feet hip-width apart and weight evenly distributed across both feet.  If you do not have a buddy assisting you, stand up in front of a full length mirror, eyeball wear your calves are the greatest, then gingerly bend over (taking care not to flex unnaturally) and measure. 

7. Height:  Your height (just like age and gender, even!) is actually a very important variable to know.  Your height affects various calculations which assist in determining body fat, caloric intake targets, BMI, etc.  Your height is essentially a necessary reference point to help bring meaning to other measurements.  If you say you are 200 pounds, it's impossible for one to know whether you are underweight or overweight.  That assessment relies heavily on whether you are only 5 feet tall, or 7 feet tall.  If you do not know your height, the best way to approach this is to take off your shoes, stand on a hard flat surface with your heels firmly on the floor and your back pressed against a hard, flat wall.  Make a mark on the wall at the where the crest of your skull is.  Then use your measuring tape to measure the height.

8. Weight:  Please reference the following section.

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Measuring your Weight and why *not* to do it daily

Measuring your weight is a critical evaluation tool and tracking statistic for any person aspiring to change their body.  But there are many considerations you must take into account before understanding your weight.  At the end of the day, it is best to rely on your measurements and, more practically, how your clothes fit, as the best scientific assessment of body change.  But, that said, let's dive into the key points:

1.  Muscle weighs more than fat (well, relatively speaking). 

 

Muscle is much more dense than fat and, in relative terms, it weighs more.  Sure 1 pound of fat = 1 pound of muscle, but the sizes are much different.  The average overweight person could thus technically weigh just the same as a fit competitive athlete, and many male body builders could assuredly weigh more than an obese person. What can we learn from this?  Take your weight with a grain of salt.  If you've done it right, you will eventually get to a point where you have lost all the fat and will start putting on muscle weight.  Do not become one of those people who becomes maddeningly frustrated with the scale when it doesn't budge in 3 weeks.  It could be that you are shedding fat and gaining muscle at a rate that causes your physical mass to net the same weight, even though your body is changing.  Let how your clothes fit be the judge. 

2. Weighing yourself can be the quickest way to develop an unhealthy obsession that is completely ineffective, in every single way imaginable.

Men and women alike are susceptible to this pretty dangerous obsession, although it's likely to be more damaging for women.  As I stated before, people have a habit of using what the scale says as a definitive indication of progress, results, and what constitutes "perfection".  And since most women are concerned more with losing fat than necessarily gaining muscle, they tend to pay more attention to the scale than men.

Regardless, the outcome is usually a daily ritual of weighing yourself and then being in a depression and beating yourself up if the scale doesn't reflect what you think it ought to be, or else applauding yourself if it does.  Both situations can lead to the same thing, which is either quitting your diet and eating crap food (or rewarding yourself with crap food), or else it  provokes more and more aggressive dieting tactics to combat some flaw, failure or misunderstood weight "gain".

Something you must understand now, which I will explain later:  In order to lose weight, YOU MUST FEED YOURSELF.  Starving yourself will only cause your body to retain fat (after all, your body only cares about survival; it doesn't know what a diet is.  If you starve it, it will think there is a famine and will store all the energy reserves it possibly can).  Further, prolonged abuse of your metabolism could caused irreversible metabolic damage which could really put you in a bad spot forever.  More on that later, but for now, please do not pay so much attention to the scale as you do your measurements and clothes fittings.  Becoming obsessive about your weight is pointless; it will make you feel desperate and hopeless when, as explained above, your weight is not 100% reflective of all the progress you're making.  Be patient and the results will make themselves evident.  

And all of this brings us to the final point:  

3.  DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF DAILY.

....because (1), your weight will NOT change daily.  If it does change daily, it's either water weight gain or loss, a bowel movement you have or haven't passed, the amount of food you have or haven't eaten before weighing yourself, or what clothes you are or aren't wearing.  You may lose several pounds when you first start your diet and exercise program, but that will mostly be excess water weight, toxins, and GI tract waste being flushed from your body.  Your weight loss will eventually level out, and weighing yourself daily is a surefire way to become discouraged.  (2), as discussed above, you may become obsessed with the entirely wrong metric.  Causing yourself worry and grief over weight gain will do you no good, especially if you are putting on muscle in place of fat, which weighs more.  Check the before and after shot to the right -- she weighed less in her before photo than her after photo.  But...which bod would you rather have??

My recommendation is to weight yourself once every week or two, until you get to the point where you don't need a scale to measure your progress anymore (or, frankly, you don't care.)  I weigh myself once a month now.  When I am pushing for real results (leaning out or building muscle) I will do it every week.  Always weigh yourself at the same time of the day, preferably in the morning after you use the restroom, to achieve as consistent of results as possible.

 

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BMI, BMR and RMR:  How do they impact my nutrition plan?

  

1.  BMI

The acronym BMI stands for Body Mass Index.  It is a general way of assessing whether someone is a healthy weight based on their age, gender and height.  Because the composition of our bodies naturally changes overtime, age does become a rather significant factor in calculations such as these.  Similarly, men and women have naturally different body compositions and distributions of fat and muscle, thus making gender important on the genetic level of body statistics.

English BMI Formula

BMI = [Weight in Pounds / (Height in Inches x Height in Inches)] x 703

Metric BMI Formula

BMI = [Weight in Kilograms / (Heigh in Meters x Height in Meters)]

There are countless BMI calculators online, a simple Google search will provide various results.  Here is a link to one on WebMD  which I find to be reputable and thorough.  The website does a good job of explaining your results.  Bear in mind, however, that BMI is not an exact science; some women may have larger breasts than others, or bigger or smaller bones, or more or less muscle, which will affect the results.  Most body builders will register as an unhealthy / obese BMI because the calculation does not take into account the difference of weight in terms of fat and muscle.

2.  BMR and RMR

BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) and RMR (Resting Metabolic Rate) are, confusingly, basically the same calculation.  They both measure the approximate number of calories a person burns if they spend a full 24 hours completely at rest.  Essentially, the caloric measurement indicates how many calories your body needs just simply to exist -- how many calories it needs to keep your heart beating, your lungs breathing, your kidneys filtering, your cells repairing and regenerating, etc.  Your body burns hundreds of calories a day doing simple tasks such as growing your hair and nails, replacing old skin cells, and metabolizing foods in your stomach.  The main difference is that the BMR is a much stricter calculation.  Most online calculators, despite being BMR or RMR, are usually done using the RMR formula.  Here is a decent online RMR calculator:  http://www.startlosingweighttoday.com/rmr/

My RMR is 1,440 calories.  This means that if I were to not even so much as lift a finger all day long, I will still burn almost 1500 calories just by existing.  Do you comprehend the importance of this?  This does not take into account the times I get up, move around, walk to my car, vacuum the house, walk up the stairs to my apartment, or the 850 calories I burn on average at the gym each day.  People who restrict themselves to less than 1500 calories a day are just flat out doing it wrong.  Don't make that mistake! 

Your RMR is a good tool to use as a starting point for calculating how many calories you should be consuming in order to meet your goals.  Understanding your caloric needs, in conjunction with what your goals are (weight loss/gain) will be the ultimate guide for you in determining an initial nutritional plan.  This plan will invariably change (as so too will your goals, eventually), but having an idea upon which to base your entire meal plan is incredibly important otherwise there is no real way to tell if you are eating too much or too little. And how infuriating can THAT be? 

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So, just how many calories should I be eating?

To round out this article, determining your caloric intake is the best place to start when finally making concrete changes in your routine and really getting the ball rolling.  Once you know how many calories you need to eat, you'll know how many calories you'll need to burn in order to start tackling your goals.

First of all, let's talk physics.  A Calorie is not actually something you eat.  A calorie is rather a unit of energy.  In scientific terms, a calorie is the amount of energy needed to increase the temperature of 1 gram of water by 1 degree Celsius.  Calories do not apply just to food; it is a unit of ANY kind of energy.  For example, according to Discovery Health's article entitled How Calories Work, a gallon of gasoline contains 31 MILLION calories.  Check out these interesting factoids:

In terms of our diet, the food energy we derive from macronutrients (fat, protein and carbohydrates) is as follows:  4 calories for every gram of carbohydrate, 4 calories for every gram of protein, and 9 (yes, nine!) calories for every gram of fat.  Thus, a 10 gram bar of fat would equate to 90 calories, whereas a 10 gram bar of protein (or carbs) would only be 40 calories worth of food energy.  

It is important to note that calories are not bad!  We need the energy we get from food calories to perform every bodily function, from breathing, to pumping blood, to growing new skin cells, to recovering from colds and injuries, to keeping our bodies warm in the winter and cool in the summer.  We burn calories replacing donated blood (approx. 650 calories per pint!), growing hair and nails, digesting food, and of course just moving around.  In short, energy is required for all functions we perform.  Calories should not be avoided, but they do need to be monitored.  Calories only become an issue when you eat more than you burn, upon which they are stored as fat in your body (more about this in a future blog post).  

One pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories.  Therefore, in order to lose one pound a week, you would need to create a calorie deficit of 500 calories a day (500 cals/day x 7 days/week = 3500 calories).  But this doesn't just mean decreasing the amount of food you're eating by 500 calories.  In order to truly LOSE weight, you would need to eat 500 calories less, per day, than what you burn.  Allow me to explain.

Remember your RMR calculation?  Mine was 1,440.  It's the number of calories (energy) I approximately need to perform basic bodily functions.  In order to figure out how many calories I should eat just to break even (ie, calories eaten minus calories burned = 0), I would have to figure out where I fit on the following scale.  Once I determine my "Activity Factor", I multiply it to my RMR calories to determine how many calories in total I burn each day (approximately):

 

Activity Factor	Category	Definition
1.2	Sedentary	Little or no exercise and desk job
1.375	Lightly Active	Light exercise or sports 1-3 days a week
1.55	Moderately Active	Moderate exercise or sports 3-5 days a week
1.725	Very Active	Hard exercise or sports 6-7 days a week
1.9	Extremely Active	Hard daily exercise or sports and physical job

I workout 2 hours a day, and my workouts are very rigorous.  On the weekends I spend even more time being active.  But I have a desk job 5 days a week, and so I tend to multiply my RMR by 1.6, which is in between moderately and very active.  1,440 * 1.6 = 2,304.  What does this mean?  This means that I should be eating 2,304 calories a day to neither gain nor lose any weight, but rather just to maintain my current weight.  But I want to lose weight.  If I wanted to drop a pound a week, I would want to aim to consume 500 calories less than what I currently burn:  2,304 - 500 = 1,804 calories of food a day.

And that is precisely my daily intake:  1,800 calories/day.

Now, these are just broad generalizations.  Obviously every person is slightly different, and it will take some time and fine tuning in order to get your plan perfectly designed.  But everybody needs a starting point, and this is good enough :) Most doctors agree that it is safe to aim to lose 2 pounds a week, but no more than that (unless under the direct supervision of a trained medical professional).

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In my next entry, I will discuss macro and micronutrients, body types, and how to design a good starting nutritional plan based on your general needs.  I will also include a spreadsheet template (if I can figure out how to link it up) for a diet diary, otherwise I will discuss options for logging your daily food intake in an effort to learn what works best for you.

See you soon! 

What I Wish I Knew About Clean Eating and Leaning Out In the Beginning: A Prolouge To The Series

So, you've decided to lose weight and get ripped.  You've decided it's time; YOUR time.  No more waiting.  No more wishing.  You've packed your bags and you're ready to go on the journey of a lifetime, full of high hopes and trepidation, belief and doubt, an idea of courage but mostly anxiety.  That's good; that's what fuels the first step.

The paths that bring people to this decision are as many as the stars in the sky.  Perhaps you've been trying to lose weight your whole life.  Perhaps you've been lean your whole life, but child-rearing or the typical sedentary adult lifestyle has changed your figure in less desirable ways.  Perhaps you've always had "a little extra" and were (and still are!) perfectly happy with that, but health problems have come into focus.  Perhaps you are already lean, or an athlete, but you're looking to enhance your performance (and physique, of course!).  

It doesn't matter what brought you here.  The only thing that matters is, you've made this choice.  YOU have made this choice.  You.  This is for you, not for anybody else.  And only you can make this happen.  There absolutely will come a point in your journey, no matter how much support you initially start with, where you will feel like you are completely alone in your battle.  Therefore, you need to do a couple things right now before you depart on this incredible experience.

First of all, you need to take a deep breath and realize you ARE completely alone in this battle.   I don't say this to discourage you -- I say this to motivate you. The most satisfying victory one can experience is by achieving a great thing by one's own accord.  There is nothing quite like full ownership and the pride of knowing you accomplished a goal all on your own.  The greatest changes we experience as humans are those that are earned throughout the process of overcoming great trials. At the end of the day, it can only be YOU who decides what you will eat, and it can only be YOU who decides if you really will stick to your workout plan, and how intensely you push yourself.   

IT IS OK IF THIS SOUNDS TERRIFYING and completely unappealing... but don't let it deter you! When the blacksmith told the blob of metal, "Hey, I'm gonna throw you in the fire and burn you so badly that you'll melt, and then I'm gonna hammer the hell out of you!" Of course the blob of metal was terrified.  That sounds awful!  But the pain does not last forever, and when that blob of metal felt itself taking shape for the first time, endured the first few blows of the blacksmith's hammer, that's when it was able to feel the change and see the natural process of transformation begin.  And in the afterglow of all the hard work of endurance and determination and patience, out of the fire came a sleek weapon of enviable form;  something composed of the same material, yet entirely changed. And what, then?  Do you think that blob of metal would wish to itself that it was nothing more than a blob again?  I think not.  There is so much pride, so much value, so much strength and so much beauty in the art of taking charge of one's own life, one's own physical form, and refining it to it's maximum potential.  We are human, and our bodies are capable of incredible things.  What have you got to lose?

Accept that you cannot rely on anyone other than yourself to do all the hard work that results require of you.  It is your own rite of passage, it's only through the fire that you will truly change and grow.  If you can accept this, if you can be OK with knowing that in your darkest hour, when friends become tired of your refusal to go out and drink all night with them, or "just have one bite, it's not gonna kill you!", or get upset with you that you have to leave an event early because you have a 6am trail run that you want to be fresh for, or that one morning when all you want so badly is to stay and sleep one more hour and not have to schlep out in the cold dark morning and trek to the gym, then I can 100% guarantee you that you will be successful.  Having support is always a good thing, but do not make it the only crutch that's propping you up in this journey.  Stand on your own two feet, and command them to work for you.  You are in charge, and your prize is waiting to be earned.  You need to BE EXCITED for the amazing things ahead of you, if you are willing to literally endure the sweat and tears (and sometimes blood, if you're a clumsy runner like me!) in order to earn the results.

If you CHOOSE to do this, I swear to god you will never regret it, not a single moment will you ever regret the sacrifices this journey demands of you.  It will take all you have and will ask for more.  If you give it more, it will return to you everything you gave plus dividends.

Next, buy a bulletin board and hang it somewhere where you can visit it.  You might choose to put it somewhere public such as by your fridge, or by your bathroom mirror next to the scale, or you may choose to put it somewhere private, like inside the door of your closet.  On that bulletin board, pin pictures, quotes, or things that remind you of why you want this as badly as you do.  Pull out a pad of paper right now and list every single reason why you are doing what you're doing.  Sure, the big items are important, but do your best to spend most of your time focusing on the little things, the personal things, the things that really touch on the nerve.  It doesn't matter how petty or silly they are, how "immature" they might seem.  We all have our reasons for wanting to improve our skills and appearance, so best that we use them to our advantage in the beginning.  Pin this page on your bulletin board (or, as I call it, the Wall of Inspiration) and leave room for new additions to the list.  Never throw the list away; it will one day become a sentimental relic, a tangible item where you can see your goals and dreams morph from what they were at the beginning, to what they will become as you continue to be successful.

Lastly, I want you to take to heart these words and know that they are a cliche for a reason:  You can do this.  There is nothing stopping you except your own self.  Weight loss?  Muscle gain?  There is no grey area:  it is all math.  Calories in, calories out.  There are a million programs and diets out there that you can "buy" and be promised results, but the reason why most of those fail is because the advertisements make everything look so easy.  Once people realize that it isn't easy, but actually quite miserable at times, they quit.  They don't think they're strong enough. This is not an easy endeavor you are choosing to take on.  But just because it's not easy, doesn't mean it's not possible, and it sure as hell doesn't mean it is not euphorically enjoyable.  It's just a matter of whether you are willing to give what it takes to see success.  How bad do you want it?  How badly do you want to be successful?  Because I can tell you that you don't need to spend money to lose weight and tone up.  Everything you need to know, which I will compile in this blog series I'm writing right now, is all on the internet for free already.  You just need to be willing to invest the time, effort and patience into figuring out what needs to be done, and then do it.  

That's why I'm writing this blog series, to gather together all of the basics, all of the important stuff, to get you set and going on your way.  There's nothing I could have wished for more when I first started out.  I plan to write a multi-blog series of everything from the basics of calculating your body metrics and a general idea of your caloric needs, to discussing the what clean eating is and why it's important, and then will discuss fitness techniques (weights before cardio... and why weights are important!) and everything in between.  I hope to post a new entry every week or two.

If you are ready and firm in your resolve to have the most challenging and rewarding journey of your life, to face the challenges and end up making new friends who share the same goals and dreams as you in the process, to finally do something for yourself that you so desperately want, then slap a smile on your face, be grateful for the opportunity that you can completely change your life at a moment's notice, and take that first step. 

An Update on "Clementine", the Mass in my Breast

I've been monitoring the stats of my blog, and I've noticed that 2 of my most highly viewed entries have been those in which I discussed the time I went in for a routine women's wellness exam 6 months ago and found out I had a lump in my breast.

On the chance that those entries have been viewed so many times because women are seeking insights into their own personal circumstances, I've decided to give an update on this mass (which I have ever so affectionately named "Clementine", because it seems to be about the same size as a Clementine Cutie tangerine!)

As a recap, when the lump was first felt by my OB/GYN, she seemed stoic and said it felt like a cyst.  Nonetheless, she sent me in immediately for a diagnostic ultrasound at a local center that specializes in breast abnormalities. Given that I was only 28 and felt perfectly healthy, it came as an absolute shock to know that a foreign body growing within me.  This could NOT be happening, not to me!  But there I was, sitting in the waiting room a couple days later, seeing middle-aged women coming and going, some crying, some cheerful, some light-hearted and happy and well-versed with the process, others clearly scared completely out of their minds.  Even still, I thought I was emotionally under control for the procedure having had 3 or 4 days to research and poke and prod and come to my own mental conclusions, all up until they spread the lubricant on my breast and began pressing down with the wand.  That's when it became overwhelmingly real, and I lost it.  Tears streamed down my cheeks as the radiologist seemed to take all eternity to measure and analyze the mass.  I'll never forget the chilling realization I made as I laid on that table; that the answer was not leaping out at the doctor, that he was having to use his brain and his experience to see just what the hell this mass was.  It didn't scream, "CANCER!" to him, but it didn't scream cyst, either.  The doctor tried to explain to me what he *thought* it was. He mumbo-jumbo'd some jargon or something to me, but he might as well have been speaking in Sanskrit because I couldn't hear anything he was saying.  My mind was so preoccupied with hearing the word Cancer or Benign that I literally could not process anything else coming out of his mouth.  When he looked into my eyes and saw them filled with tears, I think he understood.  He stopped what he was saying and said, "I think you're fine.  This type of tumor would be benign."  It took me a couple days to get my wits about me and call back for my official preliminary diagnosis: a Hamartoma of the Breast.

I nonetheless scheduled a 6-month follow-up diagnostic ultrasound, and the ensuing 6 months were composed of 3 months of denial and 3 solid months of religiously examining my breasts after each period for signs of change, as instructed.  I noticed the mass would get incredibly large just before my period - so large, in fact, that I could visibly see one breast fuller than the other.  Otherwise, it returned to it's "normal size".

So when I went in to have my follow up 3 days ago, I went in with cautious confidence.  I was comfortable with thinking this was, in fact, just a benign hamartoma.  After all, the substance of the mass did truly feel like all the tissue around it, which may be why it was never detected before, but I can't say for certain.  So there I was on that damned table again, hot lube all over me, but this time I had a calm, judicious thinking cap on.  Unlike the last exam where I stared at a wall and sobbed for the duration of the exam, this time I watched with genuine curiosity.  My doctor showed me everything on the monitor, showed me colorful density maps and compared them to surrounding normal tissue to show that the mass was indeed composed of normal tissue, but that it was encapsulated.  

The above is not a picture of my ultrasound, but it looks similar.  The top of the photo, with sort of wavy lumps, looks kind of like my mass, except that on the image to the right, where you see the dashed line at the top between two letters (A and A), mine is so long that it goes beyond the boarders of the screen.  It is also about twice as thick as the image seen on the left of the screen between the two letters B and B.  But it looks exactly the same as the tissue surrounding it, with a thin, clearly defined encapsulation around it.  The straight line at the base of the image is a rib, with pectoral muscle just above it.

The problem was, it has grown in size since I was last checked.  By 4/10ths of a centimenter or something or other.  My doctor didn't seem overwhelmingly alarmed.  He advised me just to wait another 6 months for another scan.  He told me he sees these things all the time, and with ultrasound technology the way it has evolved, he can guarantee the reading with 98% accuracy.  

But what about those remaining 2% odds?

Doc said he had no problem ordering a biopsy, it's quick and super simple and it would certainly tell us for certain what is going on.  But there was a downside to that, which I'm not sure what it was -- perhaps it was that even the minor invasivity of a biopsy could create scar tissue or some such thing.  I will seek counsel from my OB/GYN and primary physician on their opinions, but I believe I will go forward with a biopsy, if anything other than to chronicle it as an experience that I can describe for fellow readers out there who happen upon my blog searching for advice or stories.

So, that's it for the update this time.  I will check in on this topic once I have a chance to speak to my physicians.

In other news, I am SO PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE that I am back on track with my progress and have achieved the same stats I had prior to leaving the country for a month! And I am fully on track to achieve more progress by year's end, and am thinking of running another half marathon on New Year's Day, and then push to lean out as much as possible and then book a professional progress photo shoot to celebrate my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY on January 30th of next year!!  

Many exciting things to be grateful for in my life, yes siree :) <3

My World is Changing / I'm Rearranging :)

Well well well, my beloved blog! Do I have some joyous news!  This girl is back on the bandwagon!

My brief hiatus from back-breaking 2-a-days, diligent dieting and consistent blog writing has effectively ceased, and I'm back in the game!

I've learned a lot about myself in the past couple months, as alluded to in my last post.  I think the most important thing was two-fold.  First of all, taking an extended break (well, I don't think "break" is the right word; let's say "holding pattern") did my body wonders; it gave me sufficient time to give my muscles and metabolism a rest, and time for my mind to explore things I'd been wanting to but didn't have the time (yoga, anyone??).

But secondly, and most importantly, my 2 month holding pattern gave me sufficient time to do some soul searching to remind myself of my goals and re-confirm that they represented what I truly wanted.  Just like how I needed to go to Europe and fully remove myself from my regular routine to garner some clarity on which direction I really wanted to take my life, having a break from my intense training and dieting scheme provided me an opportunity to see the forest again, and not just the day to day trees I was focusing on.

Another cool thing I found about myself was that it was not a chore to get back on my routine.  What used to feel like being a slave to diet misery is no more; it's my way of life, it comes perfectly natural to me, and I feel my absolute BEST on a clean diet, lots of water and intense weight-lifting routines.

And on that note, I have been exploring some really amazing things that are causing me to evolve as a human being, and they have been a total joy to experience.  Things that I have done, am doing, or am partaking of now that, even just a couple months ago (let alone at the beginning of my journey) I never even would have dreamed of:

1.  YOGA

Yoga has changed my whole life.  But not in that spiritual, mind-clearing way.  I have too much of a math-oriented, manic mind to be able to have one of those OMMMM moments.  I spend Shavasana orchestrating a mental check list of some sort of thing or another, haha.  But I've been going to a place called Maha Yoga in Brentwood, CA and it is seriously the closest I have come to a feeling of total rebirth.  I have never worked and sweat so much in my life (and don't even get me started on the time I did 2 sessions in a row. EUPHORIC). Class is done to the tune of amazing hip hop tracks which is great for me; noise actually calms my mind, it's the quiet classes where I can't get my mind to focus.  I must have been dropped on my head as a baby :)  

Yoga is my new "thing".  It has rekindled an ancient dream of mine to be a ballerina.  And while that ship sailed the day I surpassed my 22nd birthday, a girl can still pretend, eh?  Working on my flexibility has been one of the most rewarding challenges for me, not to mention one more thing I can cross off of my list of Things I Thought I'd Just Never Be Able To Do.

2.  RUNNING

Speaking of the list of Things I Thought I'd Just Never Be Able To Do, I challenged myself to the biggest feat so far since I first commited to 30 days of clean eating and proper exercise back on January 30th of this year:  To run a half marathon.

Now, I just wish you all could realize how epic of an endeavor this was for me.  I have ALWAYS sucked at running.  It took me... well, I'd say the better part of 20 years... to realize that the reason for the body-crushing side aches that I would develop which always prevented me from even being able to run 1 mile regardless of my fitness level, was LACK OF HYDRATION.  If I consistently drink 80-100 fl. oz. of water a day, I can run for eons with NO side stitches.  Life changing.

But, that said, I still have the life-long ailment of a bad knee.  I have named my left knee Escobar after the notorious Ecuadorian soccer player who was shot and killed by his own fans after he accidentally got confused and scored a goal on his own team, effectively losing the game for them.  I ruined my knee in a soccer game in 2008 and it ended my post-collegiate career, and as a result of normal scarring (and some over-correction), the farthest I have been able to run without excruciating pain was 8 miles on pavement and 10 miles in sand.  So, when I decided to challenge myself to a milestone of running a half marathon (something I truly, in all my right mind, never EVER thought I'd ever actually even ATTEMPT to do), my determination and absolute refusal to fail kicked in.

Unfortunately, after making the decision to run the half marathon on Thanksgiving morning...in the SAND to protect my knee...I had only given myself 10 days to prepare! I'm sure I did everything wrong, such as running back-to-back-to-back 10ks all the way up to race day with just 1 day of rest, but my GOD was it exhilarating.  The funny thing was, I wasn't excited about running.  Running on the beach is as boring as it gets.  One straight line of identical scenery (when you've lived on the beach your whole life, the coast loses its majesty. Trust me).  By Mile 4 I started feeling the pain in my groins and hip flexors which, after a couple month hiatus of beach runs, were  unaccustomed to running in sand.  My route was SUPPOSED TO BE as such:

Essentially, from the Venice Pier to the Bel Air Bay Club and back (6.5 miles each way).  But after pain that felt very real and damaging, at Mile 5 I decided to turn around and run back.  My thoughts were that if I could just run 5 more miles, I would have at least made it 10 miles and then could double back and walk the remaining 3.1.  But sure enough, once I had returned to the Venice pier, I felt capable of pushing through it.  So I ran south from the Venice Pier to the edge of the Marina and back.  After I tallied up the mileage, I realized I had run a total of 13.8 miles!

And my finish time.  I had a goal of 02:30:00 which I missed by a little over 5 minutes, but then again I ran almost a full extra mile! A major win in my eyes :)

And to wrap this item up, I have decided to challenge myself to another half marathon on New Years Day Morning! This, to try to beat my time (and performance), but also to keep me out of ANY trouble on New Years Eve with my friends and get me to bed at a decent hour.  As that holiday approaches, remind me to tell you about my last two NYEs, including last year's which was absolutely beyond reproach and a pivotal moment in my decision one month later to start this fitness journey to begin with.

3.  FOOD :)  And Cooking

I have really gotten very much into cooking.  Ironically right now I haven't been doing any because I need a break, and eating boiled chicken and steamed broccoli for dinner every night is more appealing than making complicated dishes.  But I have found cooking to be the link between the left and right brain -- I get total control of the macro and micro nutrients (not to mention total control of all the ingredients!) but it's also an art and I've found it to be therapeutic.  There just really is nothing quite like the satisfaction of making something with your hands.

But on top of developing actually real, true skills in the kitchen (and creating a confidence that I've never EVER had about cooking), I have been branching out and trying new restaurants and discovering amazing cuisines.  Somewhere on the list of Things I Thought I'd Never Be Able To Do is "Enjoy going to a vegan restaurant".  But then my good friend Gabi introduced me to The Golden Mean Cafe in Santa Monica.  Their "'The Works' Burger" and their "Golden Mean Salad" have transformed me into a vegan addict.  I now need a support group, it is THAT good.  All of this healthy eating and consciousness of what we are putting in our bodies just fuels my interest in the subject and makes me that much more excited and devoted to not only a clean-eating diet, but a clean-living lifestyle.  It is a total renaissance I have experienced, and has ignited in me a fire for life, and openness of mind, a determination of body, and a spirit of enlightenment.  It has been a beautiful thing, and I love how all facets of my life seem to be working in harmony with one another, all yielding different outcomes but working toward the same big picture.  What started out as a simple tune -- tone up -- has turned into an entire concert that is bending me in ways (quite literally) I never knew I was capable of.

All of these, really, have sort of been like getting a second chance at life.  Letting these changes into my life, giving them a try, and truly embracing them has been the equivalent of being able to live somebody else's life to see what it's like.   I have become a new creature for these things, and yet I know I have only touched the tip of the iceberg.  And there are other things I've continued to explore - I have a whole list of artistic projects I plan to take a stab at once I tend to more pressing matters (such as finishing my garden and cleaning my closet), as well as races I look forward to attempting, including a difficult 15k trail run in January.

I can't wait to continue to log all of the things I do and changes I make on my quest for a toned body and sustainable lifestyle.  And I also can't wait to do another research blog post! I'm thinking of making the next one on the importance of fat in the diet.  In the meantime, it is a countdown to New Years, which is a great source of motivation for me both in terms of starting the new year on the best foot possible, and also working toward the best body ever so that I look like a hottie patottie in my NYE dress! AHHH! ;D

The Long Awaited Update: Finding Balance Amidst Performance-Obsession

Oh my dear, dear blog.  It has been over a month since I posted a new entry!

A lot has changed since my trip to Europe.  What started out as a vacation in Barcelona turned very rapidly into an exploratory backpacking adventure all along the Eastern coast of Spain, up into the South of France, and then all over London and southeast England.  It all happened after I read The Alchemist for the first time on my flight out.  I landed in Spain just as I finished the last page, and that pretty much kicked off the journey.  I only lasted 3 days in Barcelona before branching out to other cities and countries.

I struggled in the beginning of my travels.  I hadn't realized how rigid and inflexible my robotic diet and exercise routine had made me.  For someone who claimed to be an open minded free spirit, I couldn't believe how useless my current approach to diet and exercise had rendered me.  For the first three days in Spain I nearly starved to death because I couldn't find anything I could eat.  My lifestyle appeared to have rendered me completely lost in translation.

I was fortunate enough to have access to a kitchen at almost every location I stayed at throughout my travels, and I grew to rely on local farmer's markets for all sustenance.  I discovered one just in the nick of time, when my protein powder had run out and I feared I'd have to succumbed to heavy tapas and bread and paella which was all I could really find besides the occasional McDonald's (I'd rather starve!).  So out of strict necessity, I began to combine things I found at the farmers market into dishes that nourished me, regardless of the calorie content.  I had local marcona almonds and honey atop Mató cheese.  I ate salads of locally grown bibb lettuce, tomatoes, avocado and Mango slices.  I ate Iberian ham (a smoked, dried meat cut) with leafy greens on a rough dry earthy bread roll.  I ate bananas a lot, because they gave me the energy I needed.  I ate full egg scrambles and bacon with a locally grown garlic, onion and spinach saute.

I made sure that what I ate was farm-to-table, and finally disregarded any of the strict rules I had adopted at home (no dairy / no carbs / only 1 serving of fruit a day / yada yada).  They didn't have oatmeal and I couldn't find sweet potatoes or quinoa and so I succumbed to eating bread (the horror!) and dry cereal when I heard my body call for non-fruit carbohydrates.  I did everything I needed to do to nourish my body, and did so freely after I had let go of the rules that bound me.

What happened next was something of a miracle I didn't anticipate ever happening.  Over the course of the following weeks, I began to feel so alert and alive and full of energy, even in a way I hadn't when I first started clean-eating.  I wasn't working out because I was on my feet all day long exploring, hiking, running, backpacking around from place to place, and out of strict survival and necessity, I began to become highly attuned to not only when  my body was hungry, but for what.  I knew when produce wouldn't cut it, or when protein or fat wasn't what I needed.  And I fearlessly ate carbohydrates (and fruits) whenever my body asked for them.  When I was cold and craved chocolate, I ordered hot chocolate.  I even had wine on several occasions! I did whatever felt good and gave my body what it asked for.

It occurred three days into my trip, on a rainy Saturday morning in Barcelona after a wet urban 10k, that I realized that I had become results-obsessed without even knowing it.  I thought that everything I was doing at home was all for my health, and it was indeed a fun challenge to undertake, but it was in Spain that I realized I had robbed almost all of my life of joy in place of squeezing out that one last calorie, that one last rep, that 1/2-mile longer on each run.  Yes it was (and is!) fun to challenge yourself to that, but it's a dangerous thing to realize you may have transformed yourself into a mechanical object too weighed down by rules to actually be able to adapt to a changing environment and flourish and really enjoy life.  This realization did NOT jive well with me, at all.  I knew it was time to rethink things.  And wouldn't you know, by the time I had arrived home, I hadn't seen the inside of a gym in 3 weeks and hadn't stuck to any kind of diet (other than no fast food, etc) in just the same amount of time, and yet I hadn't gained a single pound while I was gone.  Imagine that! Now, I did lose a little muscle tone, but I felt so HEALTHY when I came home.  I think it was the psychological change of feeling more flexible and in tune with my body.  I realized that all that time I was spending in the gym and calculating my diet in excel was turning me into a robot, and I needed to find different ways of approaching this lifestyle that didn't turn me into an immovable soul incapable of enjoying the actual experience of being alive.

As such, I have spent the past month in a bit of a holding pattern / balancing act as I try out new things.  I didn't trust myself to dive right back into my strict routine out of fear that I would negate all the self-discovery I had made when I was forced to adapt in Europe.  So I've been experimenting a little with food and exercise to try to find the right mix to help me restart working toward my goals while still letting me feel like I am living.  After all, this is a lifestyle change, and the only way to make it sustainable is to achieve parity between discipline and enjoyment.

CHANGES I HAVE MADE

1.  The first change I have made is to limit the amount of time I spend in the gym.  Instead of one hour in the morning and one after work, I have condensed my weights and cardio into one AM session of 60-75 minutes, and then have been going to yoga for 90 minutes after work 3-4 days a week.  That in and of itself has been INCREDIBLE.  It has exposed me to new people, significantly improved my flexibility and strength, and has helped keep my mind and soul limber.  Unfortunately, I don't feel I am burning enough hard calories to lean down again and build on muscle definition, so I am going to increase the intensity of my AM workouts and see what that does.

2.  I have decreased the amount of time I play volleyball on the weekends to incorporate other activities.  I have gone hiking, camping, I've learned how to fish, I have built a garden with my bare hands (including removing almost 50 cubic feet of dead soil and replacing it with composted fresh soil), and in the next couple weeks I will be learning how to surf, gonna go kayaking, and I'm training to run a half marathon on thanksgiving!  These activities have become the new focus on my time now that I have survived the past couple weeks attending to other little projects and such that I have tabled for so long, but that my trip has inspired me to finally take a stab at.

3.  I have given myself a little freedom with my diet to explore cooking.  Cooking has become something of a spiritual activity for me.  It's an art and a science, all mixed into one tasty dish.  I find it therapeutic while also informative; I like experimenting with flavors and substitutes in order to make clean, all-organic dishes that actually have flavor.  Steamed zucchini and poached chicken breast had  it's place in my clean-eating diet in the beginning, but in order for this to be a sustainable feat, I needed a little room to breathe.  For instance, I allow myself to have one small banana and a scoop of nonfat 0% Fage Greek yogurt in my morning smoothies.  Sure that means it isn't dairy free and sure it may have some extra sugar in it, but it is healthy, clean, and I surely burn the calories off in my bike ride to yoga every evening, so I'm not going to sweat it! I'm a living, breathing human being, not a robot who must live in one extreme or the other.

But, play time is over, and I find it highly encouraging that even with this new found flexibility and perspective to diet and exercise, I am no more wanting to return to old habits now than I was when I first left to Europe.  I have fallen in love with this way of life, and now that I am not obsessing so much over results, I feel free to actually enjoy the journey and not feel like I  am forced to adhere to all the rules I laid out before.  I think it's all a balancing act and learning to be flexible.  I still stick to calorie limits, sugar limits, and of course eat lean, clean and organic, but if I want a banana here or there, I won't stop myself.  And if I don't feel like going to the gym, then I'll do something else - I'll go run a local mountain trail, or run on the beach, or throw on my roller blades and do a 14-mile cruise down the ocean boardwalk.  It's gotta be a balance between results-producing activities and happiness-producing activities.  I can't wait to learn how to surf and add that to my repertoire!

I feel so much freer and happier now than ever before.  And I am so excited to shed these 5 pounds or so that I've picked up over the past 2 months and start back up where I started, but with the new philosophy in mind that I won't let one thing overtake the other -- I won't let me diet and exercise routine become so rigid that I can't enjoy life's occasional simple pleasures, but I also won't let life influence my desire to achieve the best toned body I am capable of.  

It is certainly a balancing act, but I feel like the clarity I now have just may be the best tool I've yet to acquire in my fitness journey to date.

The TRAVELING Athlete: Going to Barcelona, OLÉ!!!!

Omg guys... I'm going to SPAIN!!! I booked a last minute ticket last week, and I leave a week from TODAY!  I am so excited; I've only ever been to Canada and all over the US.  I've never left North America before, and I'm super stoked!

But there are going to be some challenges (and no, they don't include bulls with horns!), so I'm using my blog as an excuse and extra motivation to keep me on track.  I'm going to kind of be winging this, but I'm going to document all of the temptations and challenges that come with all-day travel to get from one side of the world to the other.  I'm really excited to do this!

My flight itinerary is as such:
10:20am:  Leave LAX, and 4 hours later arrive at Chicago O'Hare at 4:20p local time.
9:45pm:  Leave ORD, and 7 hours later arrive at London Heathrow at 11:25am local time.
3:25pm:  Leave LHR, and 3 hours later arrive at Barcelona at 6:30pm local time.

Now, I know what you're thinking:  Holy connecting flights, batman!  But there's a reason I did this - First of all, I'm traveling with miles and my only options included two stops.  But I scheduled large gaps so that I didn't have to worry about missing a flight, and also I wanted my longest flight to be a red eye so I could drug up and dose off. (I'm a fairly good plane sleeper).  But what this does to me is eat up an entire day of travel.

I'm going to go for an early AM beach run before heading to the airport, but I have every intent and purpose of staying active while trapped in terminals far and wide.  I'm not really going to plan anything, I'm just going to wing it.  And if I look like an idiot for doing tricep dips on the the terminal chairs, or constantly walking in loops around the terminal to keep my heart rate up, or if it means finding a quiet corner to charge my phone, drop a towel and start doing push-ups and sit-ups, so help me god I'm gonna do it anyway!

And then there's the matter of airport food.  I can only carry so much with me, and with customs not allowing much in the way of fruits, nuts, animal products, etc.... I'll have to find some fresh options at the airports.  I don't wanna load up on protein bars because those are dehydrating enough.  So I'm going to experiment and put together a list of tips and tricks for those arduous travel days that we all inevitably have to go through.  I know it's easy to come by fresh fruit, but what if you're restricting sugars?  Finding fresh veggies, healthy carbs and clean proteins will be a challenge.  It may be a matter of a $20-salad, but I'll find a way!

Once I get to Europe (which might include a couple day excursion to visit friends in my beloved Sweden!), I'm going to hunt out a new physical activity to do each day, which I will also blog about.  On top of the list are finding some locals to let me in on some volleyball games, finding a local building to run the stairs at, some seeeeriously long urban runs (which will have to be all mapped out), renting a bike and cruising to the far reaches of the city, and then just some good old-fashioned foot travel to museums and such.

I have a pretty decent inkling that this trip is going to be a total gongshow given the circumstances.  I didn't exactly plan a mid-trip Swedish excursion, which may or may not happen still, I'm not sure.  But ya gotta keep life interesting, eh??

So, stay tuned as I compile a Traveler's Guide to Staying Fit and Awesome, as I can assure you that it will be overflowing with pictures of me actin' a fool at the airports for the benefit of lookin' like a total babe when I re-board the plane ;D

This trip is part of a larger 24-day "Break from The Real World" that I have elected to do just after all the things that have happened this year.  There have been a lot of ups and downs and a great call for soul searching in my life before I turn 29 in a month and begin the count down to 30.  I've always been one for wanting to stay ahead of the game, and I feel the need to take a breather and rethink what matters to me in life, and how I want to spend the rest of this precious time I have.  Not to get overly dramatic,  it's just that I feel like life is going at light speed and I don't want to wake up tomorrow and realize I'm 40, single, and not really doing what I love as a profession because I never really made those bold decisions in my life that I knew would alter the trajectory of my life indefinitely.  Whenever I think about these things, this song always comes into my mind; I'm not really sure what it means, but yet somehow I feel like it perfectly defines how I feel inside.

If you care to follow my travel journey from a non-fitness centric perspective, I've created a tandem blog that I'll find a way to link up to this one in the future... check out my "other" blog HERE :)