"To me, life is like a bench press; if I don't push the weight, it will fall on me."

"Nobody said life would be easy; they just promised it would most likely be worth it." 

-- Harvey Mackay

We've all seen the picture quotes of the guy or gal sweatin' up a storm, face wrinkled up into an exertion-induced snarl, clearly looking to be in pain and yet pushing through it for the reward at the end anyway.  Case in point?

One of my favorite fitness athletes, Lazar Antonov, recently was quoted in a CutandJacked.com article (full article HERE) saying the following:

These two quotes proved to be beacons of reason for me in the past couple weeks.  I've always told people that the only way to fully enjoy the good times, is to endure moments of bad times in life.  It's just like with lifting weights; the pain is real, but it is temporary.  Lifting weights is exposing yourself to a biophysical breakdown until failure, with the goal in mind that we will survive the test and recover stronger than we were before.

But for all the parallels there are between lifting weights and enduring the general struggles in life, there is one stark difference that keeps the two apart:  In weight lifting, we voluntarily expose ourselves to the challenge, and control the beginning and the end.  Last time I checked, no one ever said, "Hey! Today I'm gonna wreck my car because I know it will make me a stronger person if/when I survive the financial cost, damages, and bodily harm!"

The past month has really tested my ability to stay strong in the face of change, and there were several times where I wanted to just quit.  But I suppose I've been through the ringer long enough to know that giving up may be easy, but it only makes things harder in the end.  Besides, I've never been a quitter; it's just not in my blood.  As I recently wrote about in previous blogs (HERE and HERE and HERE), it's been a rough few weeks for me, but (knock on wood!) I seem to be approaching the end of my trials, and I feel like I weathered it like a champ all things considered!  There are a variety of things I can't write about since I don't know who follows my blog, but suffice it to say there have been some very stressful things going on a work, not to mention I had a million biopsies for a waterfall of health issues that was seemingly showering down on me, and to add insult to injury, my relationship sort of just dissolved in the wake of all my stress.  (For the record, Guy and I are still very good friends and this was both inevitable and likely a good thing in the long run, but that doesn't diminish the pain and heartbreak of it all).

In any event, in light of all of the things I have had to weather all at once, I began to really contemplate stress.  Stress is a really interesting thing.  I mean, just what is it?  Stress, by definition, is "pressure or tension exerted on a material object."  But stress in our lives can be much more mental than physical.  Stress, in terms of the human body, is just the body's physiological response to a neurologically-perceived demand placed on it.  This demand often calls for the involuntary release of chemicals into the blood stream, which affects the whole body.  According to a fascinating article authored by Stress-Relief-Tools.com (article link HERE), the process under which the body goes, is detailed as such:

"Your nervous system and endocrine system are interconnected by a hypothalamus, a structure located in the brain, directly above the pituitary gland. The pituitary gland plays a major role in regulating the endocrine system. 

When you are confronted with stress, the hypothalamus releases a chemical messenger into the blood flowing directly to the pituitary gland. This chemical messenger stimulates the pituitary gland to produce adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH).

ACTH is then released into the blood stream, where it reaches the adrenal glands. ACTH stimulates the outer layer (cortex) of adrenal glands to produce chemicals called corticoids. And corticoids help the body to acquire energy from energy stores in the body.

The hypothalamus also activates the inner core (medulla) of the adrenal gland, through the sympathetic nervous system (a branch of the body's autonomic nervous system). This results in the production of epinephrine (known as adrenalin). It is epinephrine which causes most of the physiological changes that occur in the body to produce fast, short term high energy levels required in the presence of stressor.

With all these hormones flowing through your blood stream, every system in your body braces for action."

So, based on how much pressure you feel a given demand is being placed in your life, your own mental perception of it causes a chain reaction of hormonal responses to prepare the body for battle.  But the beauty of all of this is that it means we all actually have control over the physiological by-products of being stressed, if we can keep ourselves calm and search for solutions.  The restless nights of sleep, the panic, the anxiety, the depression and moodiness and fatigue.... a lot of it can be controlled simply by controlling our minds and how we perceive a threat!

This is all good news.  But what if a total shitstorm hits and you have a classic case of Chicken Little Syndrome where the sky is falling and all you can do is aimlessly run around in an anxious panic?

My tool has always been working out.  Anytime life falls apart on me, I throw on my shoes and get moving.  Not only does exercise release endorphins (a natural opiate that produces those "feel good" feelings), but it offers an environment of structure and a modicum of control.  As long as I have my workouts, I know I am staying on track with at least something.  And I can abuse the elliptical and the incline leg press as much as I want, until I am exhausted and have no fight left.  And it is in that state of being broken down - both mentally, physically and spiritually - that I know I can find a quiet, tranquil place with no energy left to worry. 

As Lazar said, if you don't push the weight of life off, it will simply fall and crush you; but a lot of the time, it seems like one's natural instinct is to hide, or cower, or find a comfortable spot to cozy into to feel safe and undisclosed and then just curl up and die there.  A lot of people turn to food for the instant gratification.  Some people turn to alcohol or drugs for a chemical escape.  And still others turn their woes onto their friends and the people they love most, lashing out at the people whom they know.  Which got me thinking about why we tend to take our stress out on the ones we love most, even when it's not their fault and they only want to help us?  After a little research, I came up with a general theory.  According to this site, we take our anger and frustration out on people we love most, because our hearts are the most open to them.  Therefore, in their presence, we feel more free to express all of the negative feelings we have that plague us on the inside.  The problem with this, is that it is difficult to channel such raw emotion in a constructive way, especially when you don't understand why you are acting (or reacting) the way you are, or if your loved one doesn't understand and begins to take it personally.  Additionally, I believe we lash out at our loved ones because deep down, we know we matter to them, and we know they will help carry the burden for us even if we must force it onto their shoulders.

But, just as with a bench press, is it possible to train our minds to instinctively "push" when stress comes?  And not in the way that is like Chicken Little running around willy nilly and doing nothing to actually address the stressor, but rather in the way that we would lift weights:  Recognize the challenge, perceive the "light at the end of the tunnel", create an action plan to get us through it, and then just push with all our might?  After all, no one ever said that life would be easy - nor do I believe we actually want life to be easy.  There is no way to acquire strength and really experience life for all that it is, without struggles, challenges and roadblocks.  The strong keep pushing until the weight is lifted.  Survival of the fittest still very much applies to us all.

And at the end of the day, even if the burden seems far too heavy to be worth the struggle to keep pushing, it is always the words of Dr. Eric Thompson that come to mind in his "How Bad Do You Want It?" speech.  At 5:00-5:16, he concludes a story about not giving up, regardless of the pain, by saying "Don't cry to quit! You're already in pain, you're already hurt - get a reward from it!!"

And I'll tell you something..... I'm not a quitter! It may not have been pretty, but I've pushed my weight.  I saw that reward in the end - even if that just meant, quite literally, to survive - and I held onto it. And now?  I'm almost through the thick of my challenges :) I had a fantastic performance review yesterday at work (which was a massive relief), and I am almost done with some incredibly stressful and time-consuming projects.  My cervical biopsies came back negative for any abnormality, and my OBGYN gave me a second opinion on the mass in my breast.  She said it was indeed a mass, not a cyst.  But she told me the doctor who examined me is very conservative and well-experienced, and the fact that he didn't even so much as order a biopsy after my ultrasound should make me feel at ease with the diagnosis that it is benign.  But she told me that if it continues to worry me, she'd be more than happy to refer me to a surgeon who could perform a biopsy.  In light of this information, I have chosen to wait the next 5 months until my next scheduled ultrasound to see if there are any changes.  Until then, I will continue to perform my own self-exams just monitor it all.  And I feel ok with this decision :)

Additionally, I have made GREAT progress in the epic amount of work needed to be done to organize this charity volleyball tournament my volleyball partner and I have organized.  There is still a great deal more to do, but at least the fundamental steps have been made - website is up, flyers are being published, and permit is being secured.  We still need to secure sponsors, products/services donated for the auction and prizes, and we need to get people to register! But those should hopefully soon fall into place.

And while my relationship may have bit the dust, I still know I will have Guy in my life for a very long time.  It's one of those bonds I feel we have that can't be broken just because the romance is.  Family is family <3

Above and beyond that, I have had INCREDIBLE success with cutting back on my fruit intake, what a difference that has made! I can't wait to blog more about that, next.  I've found that if I avoid fruits (for the most part), I rarely EVER have cravings or inexplicable hunger spells... it truly is amazing! I also discovered a new digestive enzyme complex at Whole Foods which is allowing me to eat 2 to 3 times the amount of veggies I was able to before, which has also been a huge help.  Other than that, I have adjusted perfectly to doing weights in the morning on an empty stomach, and cardio after work.  I feel like next week I will be ready to update my blog with some new progress photos.  I'll also have to start setting a time table for the HALF MARATHON(!!!!) I've decided to sign up for! Oh, and did I mention I'm planning a month-long vacation?  It'll cost me an arm and a leg, but this girl is ready to take some serious time to just LIVE.  Lot's to talk about in the next blog entry!