Weeks 10, 11 and 12: A Super Long Update...plus, the dreaded... PROGRESS PHOTOS :/

So, I finally passed the "Week 11" threshold.  Oh, glorious week 11... it was at the 11th week that I started to see progress in 2012, and I am officially seeing a lot of progress now! I'm having to tighten my bikini bottoms, clothes that didn't fit do now... I'm feeling amazing!  I'll detail these items below with my first release of PROGRESS PHOTOS!

UPDATE ON THE GENERAL PROCESS:
I am finding it increasingly difficult to check in on a weekly basis to blog, though I have so many thoughts, ideas, and tidbits I want to document in my transformation.

My work schedule has been chaotic -- I've been logging 10+ hour days at the office for the past 5 weeks.  Nonetheless, I have stuck to my workout plan.  Some days have been extremely hard to muster up the energy to produce a quality workout.  In those times, I draw upon my favorite motivational YouTube video (link: CLICK HERE) and my list of reasons why I am on this journey (which I will post later).  It's a funny thing -- when you want something SO badly, it's hard to imagine you'll ever find yourself in a place so difficult, exhausting, or otherwise seemingly impossible, that you lose your focus and begin to think that how you are feeling now (negatively) is not worth the toll your goals demand.  Several times last week I felt myself wanting to just quit for a couple days.  My body and my mind were drained, and there was one point (Thursday of last week, as I recall so clearly) where I remember sitting in the employee kitchen eating my pre-workout meal thinking to myself, "What am I doing?? I need to go home and sleep.  This workout is impossible."  Normally, I probably would have listened to that intuitive voice.  But I had scheduled an extra rest day last week for Friday, and decided to tough it out on Thursday.

As the funny meme suggests, rarely does one ever regret a workout.  Thursday reeeeally pushed my limits on believing there are no exceptions to this meme.  Even after toughing out as hard of a workout as I could (which, I'll admit, I still cut some corners and simply couldn't pull myself together enough to produce a strong cardio segment), I wondered if I hadn't actually done more harm than good by not giving my body the rest it craved.


Strangely, though, the next day I felt flush full of energy and, after getting dismissed early from work, decided I had the time and strength to do a regular workout.  Go figure.

The boy and I.  Sadness! :*(

One other wrench thrown into my life plan a couple weeks ago was that my boyfriend and I broke up.  I won't get into the details, but suffice it to say the event translated into some SERIOUS workouts in the gym.  I just ran and lifted my way out of sorrow, and I'm feeling great for it.  The break-up also means I have full control over my time and diet now, which means I can focus more on my goals and getting to where I want to be.  It hurts, and its sad, but the beauty about having a passion and a project to work on, is that you stay distracted and focused on what you love; the positive. I used to be an emotional eater, but through the course of diet and training (particularly back in 2012), I re-trained my mind to console myself with other feel-good things that didn't involve food, which also helped me cope throughout the past couple weeks and stay on track.  Shopping, splurging on a massage, taking long contemplative bike rides or walks.... sometimes even just going to a local park and people-watching has had healing powers over me.  But mostly, keeping myself busy -- working on those projects that I've let build up, splurging on new gardening tools and planting something, etc -- has been, in a word, "EPIC" at healing a broken heart without the use of junk food or wallowing on the couch instead of getting up and staying on track. 

UPDATE ON WORKOUTS
One new thing I have added into my routine over the past 3 weeks is a circuit training day in place of my regular Back/Chest day.  I've been taking one of those platforms that people use for step aerobics and stacking it onto 5 or 6 risers and placing it in a secluded part of my gym.  Then I do 100 jumps with a jump rope, immediately kneel on the makeshift bench and crank out 8 reps of a 35-lb single arm row (8 reps for each arm), then go immediately lay down on the bench and do 10 reps of a 27.5lb dumbbell chest press (27.5lbs per dumbbell), and then go right into a 45 second plank on the floor.  I aim for 6 sets of this, and done quickly enough, it has an exhaustive cardio element to it.

I have decided that each month, I will replace one of my normal lifting routines with a circuit just to keep things varied. Next week I will start a circuit for biceps and triceps.  Just got to research and plan one out.

UPDATE ON NUTRITION
I had several weeks in a row of SUPER solid nutritional planning.  I didn't feel the desire to cheat, so I stuck to a very clean (very boring!) meal plan, because it seemed to work.  I had my regular unsweetened bran flakes w/ skim milk for breakfast, 3 poached boneless/skinless chicken tenderloins w/ 3 cups steamed spinach and 1/2 cup cooked plain barley for lunch, 1/2 cup of roasted pistachios with a Quest Bar for an afternoon snack, a banana & 3 tbsp natural peanut butter for pre-workout, and then 6 eggs scrambled (2 yolks, 4 whites) with 4 cups of steamed spinach and a Cutie tangerine for dinner.  If I was extra hungry, I'd have a recovery protein shake directly following my workout. 

Café Gratitude "Awakening" pie... DIVINE.

In Week 11, however, I had a variety of cheat meals.  Two Sundays ago, my best friend's mom cooked a traditional Irish feast for St. Pat's.  We're talking full-fat corned beef, cabbage/carrots, soda bread, BBQ asparagus, and then a berry cobbler with vanilla ice cream for dessert.  I had seconds -- of both!! It felt SO good, and really gave my body a boost.  I woke up feeling re-fueled and good.  But then on Wednesday I had a date (already... yikes!) and we went to a DELICIOUS vegan restaurant.  It was all natural and organic, but nonetheless I know I blew my macros out of the park with dessert alone (which happened to be a Key Lime and Avocado Cream Pie -- maybe the most delicious thing I have ever had.  Bravo, Café Gratitude!) And THEN, on Friday, my friend ordered Thai food for all of us, and I completely gorged myself on coconut curry and pad Thai.  So, it was a cheat WEEK for me.  But I don't feel bad about it at all.  In fact, I feel great! I'm glad I infused some extra calories and new foods into my diet.  Kinda give my metabolism a break, give my mental state a break, and now I'm more than motivated to get back onto the plan and push for another 2-3 super clean weeks before I splurge again in April.

The Plan for this Week
My plan for this week is to stay the course.  Today and Thursday will be legs day at the gym plus solid intervals on the elliptical.  On Tuesday I plan to run 5 miles, and then do my final back/chest circuit plus a chest/posterior delt fly and assisted pull ups.  Wednesday is my day off but will be an active rest - I'll go for a walk, and do my therapy for my back.  Friday will either be a day off if I plan to play volleyball on Saturday, otherwise it will be biceps, triceps, shoulders and some kind of cardio (maybe hill repeats).  I wish I had access to a pool.

And not, for the long awaited.... PROGRESS PHOTOS!
Shit just officially got real.  Don't judge me for how soft I was when I started back up again.  I as practically on bed rest for all of 2013 :(

This was after week 1

After week 3.  Still had a fluffy belly in full effect!

This was after week 5.  Super hard time because it had already been 35 days and I could see how far I still had to go.  My face says it all.

After week 10.  Starting to see a little definition.  Clothes are starting to fit better.  A smile of hope on my face after 63 days!

Week 11 - More progress, bigger smiles :)

Week 12 - My current state -- still a long ways to go, but finally some visible progress

So, clearly I have a looong ways to go -- especially in the legs department, but my hands are tied there until my therapist gives me clearance to start doing squats, deadlifts, and really any exercise involving the quads.  Right now I'm only allowed to do hams and glutes.  For the record, I haven;t fit into those bikini bottoms since 4 months into my progress in 2012, so I feel like I'm right on track :)

More progress photos in  a month or so!

Week 9: How Bad Do You Want It?

"When you want  to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful"
-Eric Thomas

In week nine, I realized something very important:  I am going to succeed.  I have this one dream, and sometimes it seems so far-fetched given the limitations my back problem poses, but it doesn't matter; I'm going to achieve every single one of my goals.  It might take me longer than 6 months.  It might take me longer than 6 years.  But one day, I will be on this blog posting about how NOTHING is impossible if you want it bad enough to do whatever it takes.

Dr. Eric Thomas's words have spoken to me for 2 years now.  His speech (some of which is posted in the video at the end of  this blog) propelled me through the tough times in 2012 when I first starting chasing after this crazy dream, and they have now taken my hand once again.  I spent all of 2013 sitting on the sidelines, stuck on bed rest, not even being able to walk without pain.  Patience was no option when all I felt, all day long, was that bloodlust to get back in the gym and keep working toward my goal.  Fate had a different path in mind for me.

There's this funny thing about dreams -- the ones for which we are intoxicatingly fervent -- they never let us go.  They haunt us until we haunt them.  For some of us, if we're lucky, we have a vision that provokes the same feelings in us as a desperate, unrequited love - a love we can't bear to live without, a love that chokes us in our sleep and occupies every thought, every moment, and every action we make in life.  

For me, building my physique is something so much more than the superficial.  It is so much more than a physical state of being.  It even transcends being an emotional, spiritual or psychological transformation; it is the complete intermixing of each of these qualities of being human, and then more.  

Just last week, GORGO posted this photo on their Facebook Page.

To some, it may appear just a typical motivational meme.  To me, it summed up in one sentence the very essence behind this drive I have within to achieve my goal. When I first started seriously training in 2012, it WAS only just about looking good.  In fact, the very words out of my own mouth in my first blog post on this site were, "Why doesn't my body look like the elite athlete I feel like I work so hard for it to be!?"  It was always about outward appearances.  It was always about slaving away at the gym to have the results -- never about the process.  Like a desk jockey who throws away 9 hours of their day every weekday just to have a paycheck in the end -- and not actually enjoying their craft at all.  But it didn't matter; all I wanted was the body to show for it.

That is, until I tasted the first moment of what it felt like to be strong.  That first moment I looked in the mirror and saw with my eyes the difference.  That moment when I realized all the time I spent researching, constructing routines, following the advice of the experts, cleaning up my diet and REFUSING to make excuses or fall to temptations.  That time I felt my lats flex for the first time, and felt over come with empowerment.  I felt.... invincible.  Capable.  I felt like I had somehow righted all of the wrongs from my past by proving to myself that I could set my mind to a goal and accomplish it on my own.  I felt an overwhelming pride of ownership in who and what I was, and what I had earned.  There is just this ethereal essence of simply existing that can be felt (almost like a high, I would imagine) when you put absolutely everything you have into a task -- more than just blood sweat and tears, but also your heart, your soul, and everything you ever believed about your limitations (and then some!) -- and then to see it finally translate onto your canvas.  It was like breathing fresh air for the first time.  It was the most awake, most alive, I had ever felt.

It was a challenge, and it was exciting, and it was beautiful.  It was an art and a form of expression; it touched upon every element of what I need as a human to live a fulfilling life.

So when all of it was taken away from me so suddenly when I injured my back, it was complete ruin.  I had to ask myself some incredibly difficult questions in the midst of my long recovery, and went through some dark times I'd care never to repeat.

But, here we are. Things will never be as they once were for me, but not a single day passed during my recovery that I ever faltered and my passion for this dream ever faded.  It was always there, waiting for me.  I don't know how long it will take, but I will absolutely be damned if I don't achieve my goal.

The question is, what are my goals?  So far, its just a number: 15%.  That is what I want to get my body fat down to, and to build natural lean muscle.  Whether I actually choose to compete one day is a different story; its more just a personal thing.  I'd also like to be able to run the Big Sur half marathon, and finally win my damn A and AA ratings in volleyball.

Really, I just want to prove to myself that I won't let the circumstances if life snuff me out. Not yet, at least.

Week Nine was solid.  I ramped up my workouts -- particularly my cardio, to increase my caloric burn and help with the leaning out phase.  I did a LOT of stretches for my back each day, and it helped tremendously.  I continued with my weight training but took extra precaution on legs day.  I stuck to my diet, and acknowledge I will need to be on top of my diet more on the weekends.  Week 10 will be about continued vigor in cardio, an increase in weights, the addition of a new circuit training day, and clamping down more on my diet. 

"Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a day -- or even a year.  But eventually, it WILL subside. And something else will take its place.  The most important thing is this: To be able to, at any moment, sacrifice what you are, for what you will become."
--Eric Thomas