Week Six and Seven: The Good, Bad and Ugly (Oh who are we kidding; it was all just ugly)

I know I'm nearing the end of Week 7, but I skipped Week 6's blog.  And for good reason; it was a bad week.  What can I say?

A Summary of Week 6:

1. Valentine's Day:  V-day was the Friday before Week 6 started for me.  I felt my left glute hurt in a way signifying my back was going on the fritz.  I decided I would spend the weekend resting.  I ate healthy more or less, but didn't work out and my back definitely was wonky.  And I definitely splurged on Valentine's with the BF - big steaks, strawberry shortcake and champagne.  Oh well!  
2. Monday, Wednesday and Friday of Week 6:  90-minute physical therapy sessions.  Back was awful all week.  Barely worked out at all, all week.  Started to feel really negative about my situation, my body... lots of negativity in Week 6.  Found myself getting angry and jealousy of my boyfriend when I saw him come home all a hot sweaty mess from his workouts.  Made me feel helpless and trapped in a body that wouldn't let me do all the things I had so much crazy passion and energy to do.
3. Wednesday of Week 6: Did I mention I went out with my girlfriends for dinner and only had $11 and, in my refusal to use my credit card (a New Years Resolution I've stuck to!), I ordered a burger and sweet potato fries!? I chocked it up to a cheat meal, but really it was just stupid reasoning on my part, especially knowing my back was bad and I wouldn't be working out for a while.
4. Saturday: Watched the UFC fight with my boyfriend at Dave and Buster's.  The buffet served:  Mac n' Cheese, sliders, fried chicken and Cesar salad.  My only option was the salad, though I'm pretty sure it had more calories in it than any of the other options.  Did I confess yet that I also had a mai tai AND a long island ice tea? I haven't had alcohol since Halloween of 2013. I somehow rationalized that I was taking a break from diet/exercise until my back was healed.  Please tell me where the logic was in that?
5. Sunday:  Spent the whole day on the couch.  Granted it was to rest my back so that I could start Monday with clean footing, but..... holy Christ.  I feel like I just undid the first 5 weeks of hard work.

And on top of all of this, last Sunday (beginning of Week 7), I had a complete meltdown.  My boyfriend bought one of those scales that purports to tell you your BMI, Body Fat %, Muscle % and Water %.  I'm sure the standard deviation is so high on those things that it's not useful to seriously consider those numbers as even a guideline.  Nonetheless, the scale told me my body fat % was something like 24%.  I know I'm around 20-21% (which is still way higher than I want to be... I got down to 16.7% at the height of my training back in 2012), but it broke my heart.  I excused myself to the bathroom, closed the door, didn't even bother to turn the light on, and just collapsed into a heap and started to cry.  I kept reflecting on July of 2012.  It was the highest point of my life -- hands down.   I am addicted to that feeling I felt back in June/July 2012 when I was at my peak and felt like not anything in the whole world could stop me.  I loved myself, I loved my body, I loved the strength and liberation.  And sometimes, it is incredibly hard to keep the faith that I will find a way of getting back to that place.

But then I read this post and it reminded me that I am only on Week 6/7 of my 2014 journey; it took 6 months before I reached my high point in 2012.  I'm still at the base of this mountain -- not all hope is lost on me yet.  So I dried my eyes, picked myself up off the floor, and resolved to start over again.  I would have to go slower in 2014, and I would have to be smarter; but it's not impossible.  NOTHING is impossible.

A Summary of Week 7 (so far):

Exercise

Today is Thursday (of Week 7) and I'm happy to report that my back is doing pretty ok now.  I've gone easy on my workouts - no HIIT, no increasing my weights to new PR levels.  I've been focusing on perfecting form, not lifting heavier.  I also have had to adopt a new routine of intense therapy and warm-ups.  I used to do 5 minutes of cardio warm up, go straight into weights, and then round it out with 45 minutes of cardio and about 30 minutes of stretching/therapy for my back.  I now start with 30 minutes of stretching and such for my back, then do 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill to warm my body up and loosen my muscles, then I go into my weights routine, and then I do 20-30 minutes of actual calorie-burning cardio (which I hope to turn into HIIT next week), followed by another 30 minutes of stretching and cool-down.  It results in exhausting 2.5 - 3 hour gym sessions, but if that's the price I have to pay to continue rehabbing my back whilst safely working toward my goals, then that's a price I'm willing to pay.

Week 7 has simply been about re-adopting a modus operandi of consistency:  Getting back into the swing of things.  No coffee, no treats, stick to my meal plan, no crazy workouts but stick to the routine as usual.  I need to get a "Reassurance Week" under my belt to prove that I'm still in this game and so is my back.

Diet

I changed my diet up a little bit this week.  I began making my dinners for breakfast - 4 egg whites and 1 whole egg scrambled with a little Daiya (dairy-free) cheese, 3 cups of steamed spinach and 4 black olives on the side.  It replaced my bowl of cereal in the morning.  But unfortunately, I need that cereal.  It's just plain bran flakes but my stomach reeeeeally responds well to the fiber in it (it does not respond similarly to fibers in fruits/veggies or other grains).  So at night, after my workout, I've been having a protein shake and then a small serving of the cereal with non-fat milk.  I know I am breaking all kinds of rules about carbs at night or whatever, but it's the only real carbohydrate I get in the day (other than my pre-workout banana), so I don't feel guilty. 

Goals For Next Week:

Week 7 - the "week of consistency" - was improved, but not perfect.  I didn't have time to meal prep last weekend, so I've been eating just whatever's in my pantry and freezer for my lunches.  Today I will write up my new meal plan for "Back in Action" Week 8, and will keep my eyes, heart and brain completely focused on good form at the gym, diligent stretching, strict diet, and really just making myself a sacrificial lamb to my dreams. The fire and desire are still so alive and hungry inside of me.  It's time to take it to the next level and try to push for as much results as I can manage.  I remember in 2012, once I finally began reaping results, i looked back most fondly to the dark, challenging, doubtful times of the beginning, when things seemed so hard and results weren't coming.  I think I had such warm memories of those times because that is the cost of pursuing your dream - walking through the fire.  And when you stick to your guns and suffer through the necessary hazing of what your dreams require of you, it is such an accomplished, empowering feeling; you feel you have rightfully earned all you have.

I haven't weighed myself or taken progress photos since Week 5.  I will change that this evening.  I think its important to document all the phases of this journey -- because one day I WILL get to where I want to be, and I will want mementos to remind me of what I had to overcome. 

Week Five, 2014: Turning Corners

I re-read my blog post from 2012 when I made it to Week 5 the first time I took a stab a diet and exercise.  The post can be found here.  When this adventure was brand new to me in 2012, it took me 5 weeks to cut out coffee creamer, diet soda, and actually cook my own meal for the first time.   I also indicated that I hadn't noticed any physical changes, though I had so much energy (didn't need to take naps before my afternoon workouts) and my skin and hair looked shiny and smooth.

I am so proud that the groundwork I laid in 2012 has stuck with me through now.  I never did go back to coffee creamer (I drink my coffee black, if ever) or diet soda; I cook ALL my meals now; and I continue to have great energy levels.  I actually can't remember the last time I felt like I needed a nap?

Anyway, enough reminiscing... :)

Weekly Update:

The updates for week 5 are as follows:

1. My back bothered me for much of last week, likely because my muscles were fatigued and sore.  And they were fatigued and sore from my workouts of last weekend -- the hike and the run, in conjunction with my normal workouts last week, really did me in.  So I took a rest day on Friday and Sunday -- Sunday I literally did nothing but lay on the couch and watch the Olympics.   My back has thanked me a million times over, and I'm ready for my workouts this week!
2. I have continued to increase the pace of my runs and the intensity of my lifting -- back in 2012, I rarely increased my weights.  I was much more focused on completing my target of 4 sets of 12 reps.  This year, I am trying to do it the right way - continue to increase the weight so I can barely crank out 8 reps per set.  Last Thursday I did a 45lb barbell bicep curl, which is the heaviest I have ever done.  I did 4 sets of 8 reps and just about died on the last 2 reps of each set. I feel it in my biceps today.
3. I played volleyball on Saturday and it kicked my butt.  I really love that sport, but it's becoming abundantly clear to me that I much more prefer the safety and structure of gym training.  Whenever I get on the beach, I fear I'm going to do something to tweak my back.  I'm beginning to really question allowing volleyball in my life -- at least, at a competitive level.  I wore a heart rate monitor on Saturday.  It was actually for only 3 hours of game play (I forgot to turn it off for almost an hour afterwards.)  And this includes about 20 minutes of rest between games... beach volleyball is seriously serious.  (See photo below).

1820 cals in 3 hrs of volleyball & 51 mins of laying around

In other news, I've begun doing research on how I can honestly start putting on real muscle.  I understand now that I need to have a caloric surplus to grow, and that scares me.  I only have about 4 or 5 pounds more to go before I am sufficiently lean and ready to start amassing muscle.  I just wish I could burn fat AND gain muscle at the same time.  Is that not possible?  I dunno.  I'm still trying to figure it out.  I'm down about 2 lbs from when I first started, which puts me right on track for loosing 1/2-lb a week, which was what my goal was, and I achieved it by taking in the caloric load that the online calculators suggested, which is nice.  I just fret about how to turn that corner -- it's something I have never, ever, EVER done.  I have NEVER willingly ate a caloric excess to gain muscle weight.  I don't know how to do it, I don't know what it will look or feel like.... getting into shape has only ever looked and felt like a moderate restriction and change of macro composition to limit carbs and unnecessary fats.  

Because I am beginning to notice changes in my body much sooner than I did back in 2012, I credit that to knowing what to do this time around, based off of what I learned to work in 2012.  Because of that, within the next month or 2 I should be in a position to take on a new project: learning how to grow muscle.

I feel fortunate in having a boyfriend who's been there and done that, but something about his indoctrination to Crossfit has me cautiously skeptical of certian tips or his, or fitness advice.  Regardless, we've discussed it and he's going to help me build a workout program once I've leaned out enough.  I really appreciate his gentle encouragement not to cheat.  As I've stated before, it's difficult sometimes because I'm trying to cut while he is trying to bulk, so I have to be mindful not to follow his eating patterns when we're together, and he has to be mindful not to influence me, either.

I cannot, positively CANNOT wait to get my leanness knocked out and start the journey to putting muscle mass on.  That has been something I've looked forward to now for many years, and I hope to figure it out and share my journey here for others who are in the same boat as me now.

What's In Store This Week?

This week, I plan on pursuing the following goals:

1. Stick to the same diet as last week - it worked well.  
2. No cheats for Valentine's day.  Last weekend I had a huge sushi feast on Saturday night, and not the best adherence to my macros on Sunday.  So I'm gonna be good on Friday :)
3. Continue to drink a minimum of 80 fl oz of water a day.
4. Increase my weekly run to 45 minutes at a 1.5% incline and 6.8 - 7.0 mph consistent pace.  2 Weeks ago I was going 45mins at 1.0% include and 6.0-6.2 mph.  Last week, I did 45 mins at 1.5% @ 6.5-6.8 mph.
5. Increase ALL my lifts by 5lbs-10lbs (depending on muscle group) with the exception of my barbel curls, which I just increased by 10lbs last week.
6. I want to try carb cycling - low carbs on my non-training day by cutting out my afternoon banana and replacing it with a protein shake.

I think those are manageable goals that keep me on track, for now :) Omg... I PROMISE TO POST PROGRESS PHOTOS!!  I just need to pick them out and edit them all together.  Stay tuned!

Week Four, 2014: Starting To See Results???

Let's not kid ourselves; I have a ways to go. But...could it be???

I know I said I would post progress photos by Week 4, but I'm just not there yet.  With that said, however, I am happy to announce that last Friday I looked in the mirror and for the first time so far, I was able to feel a difference! I can't see it... and my clothes still more or less fit the same, but I have a general sense of feeling stronger, and slightly "tighter". 

Strange things are going on with my body as it is; I was put on the wrong birth control last month which always messes me up (bloating, etc), but my cycle is due to start any day now, so I'm hoping once I clear this week and get back on my regular prescription next week, I might see a lot more progress than I already do. With that said, you know how the moniker goes...

4 weeks for me to notice; 8 weeks for my circle to notice, 12 weeks for outsiders to notice.  Maybe by this time next week, I actually will be in a position of experiencing something I haven't felt since the summer of 2012: The extreme joy of seeing hard work pay off.

But alas, I am in no hurry.  I was so desperate for outward results the last time I transformed my body.  But this time is more... spiritual.  It's the mental pleasure of knowing I am following through on a commitment.  It's waking up each morning remembering I stuck to my plan and did what I needed to do, pushed through and gave 110% in my workout, and had the soreness in my chest or calves to prove for it.  This time is different because I know this will work, I just need to give it time.  And there is something special to be said this time about waking up and starting my days.  It's like every day is a gift to me right now... every day I've been able to awaken and realize that I "just a normal day" before my back injury is a complete treasure to me now, to be able to get up and do whatever I want.  Such a sense of freedom and empowerment is never a bad way to begin a new day.

My Superbowl 10k rum time and caloric burn

In other news, my boyfriend was away with friends for most of last week through the weekend, which gave me the unique opportunity to have some time to myself.  And I realized just how much I cherish the shit out of my alone time.  I did a sunrise hike on Saturday followed by circuit weight training, ran a ton of errands, did my meal planning, scrubbed my balcony clean and organized my plants to prepare for a new garden, and got a solid night's sleep.  On Sunday I ran the local annual Super Bowl 10k -- and logged my fastest 10k time ever at 55:15, had a lovely lunch with my mom and sister, dropped by a Super Bowl party until half time, then went home and cooked myself a yummy dinner, did my nails, and went to bed early.

If it's anything I can say about the week that just passed, it's that relief has never felt so good.  My back has tolerated what I have been putting it through; I had a very successful physical therapy session on Friday last week, and treating myself out to weekly massages has helped keep my muscles limber.  I'm beginning to realize that investing in my body - whether that is through nutrition, rest, or prophylactic treatment - is worth its weight in gold. I "celebrated" my 1-year anniversary of injuring myself last Tuesday, and to be able to spend last week doing such a diverse array of activities such as training, running, and hiking on a whim has been just completely exhilarating.

I have modified my diet for this week to be composed of the following:

It doesn't quite hit my goal of 1,800 calories a day, but then again, I just haven't had the appetite to eat that much food yet.  Once my appetite increases, I'll match it with more food, but I seem to have reached a happy spot of calories in/calories out. My sugar intake is still on the high side, but I'll whittle it down in due time.

That is all, for now!