Oh hi!
I'm in the throes of misery at my job. I mean, I am so very very thankful to have gainful employment and such, but.... the situation I am in is mentally unhealthy. And while I was doing the dishes at home the other night, I realized that I have a habit of allowing myself to languish at companies the same way I let myself languish in relationships. It's not a fit, and I know it's not a fit, but I'm so afraid of letting go of everything I know and enduring CHANGE, that I find comfort in the reliability of my current misery over the risk of seeking happiness and falling flat on my face.
I'm in the throes of misery at my job. I mean, I am so very very thankful to have gainful employment and such, but.... the situation I am in is mentally unhealthy. And while I was doing the dishes at home the other night, I realized that I have a habit of allowing myself to languish at companies the same way I let myself languish in relationships. It's not a fit, and I know it's not a fit, but I'm so afraid of letting go of everything I know and enduring CHANGE, that I find comfort in the reliability of my current misery over the risk of seeking happiness and falling flat on my face.
I feel like life has been teaching me some tough lessons over the past few years, and while they present in completely different ways, I'm finding I'm having to learn the same lesson over and over. A bad relationship, a bad injury, and now an unsafe working situation... at what point will I realize that only I can change my attitude and circumstances, and that being proactive about my life is the only way to truly live?
So as I stood at the sink, I tried to think of ways I've remedied my bad situations in the past. What about the times I was unhappy about something and decided to take my own fate into my own hands and be proactive about changing my circumstances? What about the times I had a goal, even; what did I find I needed in order to employ a plan to achieve whatever it was I was after?
I thought about how I tackled college; I thought about how I fought from remedial math all the way up to advanced calculus. I thought about how I set my eyes on making my collegiate soccer team after having NO experience playing on my high school team, and how I ended up becoming a starter in the end. And I thought about going from a completely backwards Standard American Diet and shitty workout ethic to learning and achieving everything I have in terms of health and fitness in the past couple years.
What did these instances have in common?
I thought about it for a couple days. And then I wrote these notes.
How Exactly To Achieve Any Goal
1) The Basics: Know what your goal is, and fully define it.
You need to have a general idea of what the finish line is. For some, it is an actual finish line; something finite, quantifiable. "I want to cross the finish line of a half marathon". "I want to lose 100 lbs." "I want to be the Senior Vice President of my division at work." "I want to get a 95% or better on my exam."
But some goals begin as feelings: "I want to feel the rush of victory at something". "I just want to feel good about how I look." "I want to be proud of what I do for work; I want to feel like I am contributing to society." "I want to prove to myself that I'm smarter than society makes me feel I am." Feelings are good, but you need to let them guide you to something quantifiable. Because without a finite end, there is no way to make a plan, judge your progress, or really know when you have arrived.
2) Understand the cost.
Last weekend I went and bought $400 worth of power tools because I wanted to build my own up-raised planters for my balcony. I wanted to give myself a healthy hobby, to put my hands to use and therapeutically take my mind off of work. Plus I'm crafty as fuck. I had the money saved up, and so I spent it.
The problem is that when I had my ONE gym day-off last night -- and my only free time that isn't taken up by work, training, necessary socializing, volleyball, eating, sleeping or bathing -- I realized I didn't want to spend that time making a loud chaotic mess on a project that really required all of my focus and attention, which I just wasn't willing to give. Rest, peace, and quiet on Wednesday afternoons/evenings is just too precious for me to spend it woodworking like an uninformed lunatic.
Think through the costs and sacrifices -- as many as you can foresee, at least -- BEFORE you start your goal. Understanding the difficulties before you start will help you keep your eyes focused on your goal when you are enduring the difficulties. It also might help you redefine your dream, or even stop you from chasing a something you might not actually even want (see Step 5).
3) Make a map.
No matter how little you know about what you are undertaking, and how crazy some of the steps might seem, write on a piece of paper what your goal is, and at least 5 steps that get you from where you are to where you want them to be. Make sure you understand the fine line that distinguishes steps that push you to dream big, and those that are just flat out unrealistic and may set you up for failure. Say you are 4 feet tall and your goal is to scale a 20-ft vertical wall. It would be unrealistic to say that you are just gonna start aimlessly jumping and maybe miraculously reach the top somehow. But some goals require a little bit of dreaming and creative problem solving. Perhaps you have a length of rope and a tall tree next to the wall. Sure, you've never climbed a 20-ft tree, nor had to climb a rope to even reach the first branch you could use to climb toward the wall's top; but is it too unrealistic to set your mind to the task, practice, take it bit by bit, and utilize the tree to help you achieve your goal?? No.
If your goal was to lose 100lbs, you may set small goals: 1) Hire a nutritionist to create a meal plan, and promise to stick to it for 1 week. And then 1 month. And then 2 months. 2) Commit to 15 minutes of outdoor walking for a couple weeks. Then 30 mins. Then jogging. Then set a goal to run a 5k.... etc. All of these small goals lead toward the final end point and give you something manageable to work toward in the face of a goal that might seem completely impossible on the surface.
4) Be willing to accept setbacks, detours and humility, BEFORE you start your journey. (And commit to learning how to use these all to your advantage.)
Oh. You think you aren't going to fail several times along the way? You aren't going to have some set-
backs? You aren't going to be forced to change your ENTIRE map because something isn't working according to your plan? If that is your attitude, then you've already failed. Not only will the frustration of inevitable trials alone make you believe your goal is not possible, but even if you DO miraculously manage to achieve your goal without falling on your face even once, then you've missed out on an amazing experience of learning just how adaptive and creative a human being can be when they have an iron will and eyes set on a mountain of a goal. Those set backs, failures and detours could be anywhere from annoying to devastating, but what you learn from overcoming them is knowledge you will NEVER learn in any other way. It's where wisdom and perspective come from, not to mention it improves your problem-solving skills, gives you a good story to share in the future, and reinforces just how important your goal is to you. One day you will look back the most fondly on your setbacks, because the pride you feel for overcoming them will swell for all eternity afterwards.
backs? You aren't going to be forced to change your ENTIRE map because something isn't working according to your plan? If that is your attitude, then you've already failed. Not only will the frustration of inevitable trials alone make you believe your goal is not possible, but even if you DO miraculously manage to achieve your goal without falling on your face even once, then you've missed out on an amazing experience of learning just how adaptive and creative a human being can be when they have an iron will and eyes set on a mountain of a goal. Those set backs, failures and detours could be anywhere from annoying to devastating, but what you learn from overcoming them is knowledge you will NEVER learn in any other way. It's where wisdom and perspective come from, not to mention it improves your problem-solving skills, gives you a good story to share in the future, and reinforces just how important your goal is to you. One day you will look back the most fondly on your setbacks, because the pride you feel for overcoming them will swell for all eternity afterwards.
Every goal worth fighting for will be one that likely provokes a feeling of defeat in you before a feeling of success. If you feel defeated, then you're actually probably doing it right. Keep thinking, keep trouble-shooting, put your head down, and push through the headwinds; keep willing one foot in front of the other.
5) The Real Kicker: Want your goal bad enough to actually achieve it.
This is the one kicker, the one step where so long as you have this one down, you actually could get away with skipping all the previously aforementioned steps: You have to actually want your goal bad enough to achieve it.
It sounds silly; how can you even have a goal -- a dream -- without first wanting it?
It's not that we don't want our goals; I would love to quit my job and walk across America. It's a dream of mine to build my house by hand in the countryside. And I'd love to study for the MCAT, go to medical school and become a trauma surgeon. The problem is that I don't want those things bad enough to commit to the journey -- or rather, all the inherent trials, tribulations and sacrifices. All too often we hear people say how badly they want 6-pack abs. Gyms across the world are packed on January 1 with people who have big goals, plenty of motivation, and a wealth of good intention. The problem is that the second things become difficult, or uncomfortable, or scary, or REAL........ people back down. They make excuses, or allow themselves to believe they "can't do it", without even trying. And some people would rather remain in the consistent discomfort of staying complacent in their current misery, then venturing out and believing in the triumph that follows a determined heart; and enduring the struggles before enjoying the spoils.
Like what Dr. Eric Thomas said, "As long as you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful."
If you know what your goal is, if you've plotted out the steps to achieve it, visualized the difficulties, and committed to pushing through them, and if you really actually WANT your goal -- like, bad enough that you'd give anything to have that end result -- then you can't fail. Remember that taste of blood in your mouth. Write down all the reasons you want the goal, all of those feelings you have that are driving you to embark on this journey, no matter how vague or specific they are. Memorialize the beginning. Take progress photos or capture real, true video confessionals of where you are now or what you want and why. Because there WILL come a time when the struggles will make the feelings go away, and you don't want to lose focus on why you are you doing what you are doing. No matter how desperately you want a dream, you will usually always be pushed to a point where you forget how bad you want it. Leave yourself tokens to remember what it tasted like to have your teeth sunk into your dream, and it will carry you through the times that your heart, body and/or soul will fail you on.
That is how you achieve a goal.
~Meg
