Where do I even begin?
It’s been 6 years since my last post; 8 years since I went on my first body recomp quest. I can tell you now, I didn’t execute it correctly. For all I’ve learned in the past 8 years, I was (1) NOT lifting properly - no progressive overload, no balanced program, too much volume and not enough substance; (2) I destroyed myself with cardio because I lacked basic knowledge of human physiology and exercise science - people told me I was doing it wrong all along but I never listened because I was still scared of change; (3) My macros were good but I persisted in a diet state for WAY TOO LONG, especially after 10 years of being a chronic dieter - I was due a long, dramatic, identity-crushing reverse diet.
My back injury really helped me out in that department though because it forced me to stop a couple of the issues above and then slowly, after subsequent years, the rest serendipitously got addressed as different life stages came up.
So where am I now? Quite literally, on my couch. Cozy blanket, hot cup of tea in hand, snow falling gently outside, quiet house.
The year is 2020. It is 30 December. I am married and living in Sweden. My two beautiful toddlers I now have are fast asleep. The youngest will turn 2 on New Year’s Day, the desperately symbolic day of putting this shitshow of 2020 behind us.
I have lived 17,000 lives since I started this blog. I want to talk about it, but it’s just too long. A summary:
2012 - Body recomp. Great success (though unhealthily achieved). I was on top of the world.
2013 - Back injury. Destroyed beyond measure. I still remember the panic attacks as I saw my dream physique whittle away. It was traumatic. It took me 2.5 years to heal my back and cost me my entire beach volleyball career. But what it DID do, was free up time for me to reconnect with a friend who I loved beyond measure... on the other side of the world... who I am now married to. If it weren’t for that back injury, I would not be on the other side of the world right now.
2014 - found out I had that breast tumor, did some solo travel, made huge steps to develop my relationship with my Swedish love, went vegan... began exploring the next steps of my life.... and on New Year’s Eve 2014, the Swede and I decided we wanted to live and be together. 2 weeks later I submitted my residence permit to move to Sweden.
2015 - one hellacious year of miserable, uncertain waiting as we waited for my immigration paperwork to process. I spent mid-Dec to mid-Jan in Sweden with my love that year. We knew our decision on my application was coming soon. We were tired of waiting. So around New Year’s Eve we decided to throw chance to the wind and try for a baby... 2 weeks later, we learned we were pregnant :)
2016 - moved to Sweden in March, renovated the house for 6 months, had a baby in September, and kicked off a wild experience with postpartum depression in a foreign country. Not fun :/
2017 - survived PPD. Passed a few Swedish classes. Got back into health and fitness.
2018: got my Swedish driver’s license! Got my first Swedish job! Suffered two early miscarriages, and got pregnant with our second child. Due date: New year’s eve :)
2019: Son was born on New Year’s Day. And so began an EXHAUSTING and unexpected journey with exclusive pumping... and major postpartum weight gain.
On New Year’s Eve 2019, on the eve of reaching my goal of breastfeeding for a year, I decided 2020 was going to be my year to dive all the way the heck in and stage a body recomp like I did in 2012.
If you’re reading this, then you know what a disaster 2020 turned out to be. I had my fair share of “all hope is lost!” moments... but I kept it together. And kept pushing. Kept learning. Kept striving to do this the right way, the scientifically-backed way. The sustainable, accomplishable way.
So here I sit on my couch, 30 December 2020. About 30 hours away from succeeding at my 1-year fitness journey goal. Rich with so much knowledge, armed with a plan that I want to tackle next year... and document here instead of so much on Instagram.
I will share the link to the documentary I’m making summing up this year and all my highs and lows, once it’s ready. It will be uploaded on my YouTube channel (An Expat Mommy in Sweden).
I find I want to write more these days than is socially acceptable on Instagram ;) I deleted Facebook a couple months ago, so I thought maybe just hearing myself talk here on blogger would be a nice change. I went through and read some old posts of mine here recently and couldn’t believe the detail I had forgotten about my life just a few short years ago.
So for now, I’ll end this update with a general thought for 2021: I will start the year in a reverse diet. Come May, I will stage another cut (I think I want to try 75 Hard). Then I’ll reverse out of that, and do a lean bulk over winter. I turn 38 next year so in 2022 I will hopefully have been able to put on some solid mass without the added cost of much fat gain over 2021, and I am hopeful that come summer 2022, I will have that physique of my dreams - built the correct, sustainable way. 10 years after I first took a stab at it :)
Pictures to come, later.
